Kind Hearts and Clarinets
by JheremyC
Summary: My name is Dr. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter and on October the 12th, 2017, the great state of Texas will execute me for the murder of Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. in-complete I apologize to anyone who spent their time reading this only to have the updates stop completely. I have attempted to write new material and failed miserably. I'ill ask my muse why if she ever talks to me again.
1. Chapter 1

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Special thanks to Julia's Fantasy who was kind enough to offer to Beta Chapter 1.**

 **The story is the same but I must admit it reads much easier.**

 **Special thanks to Drusilla-Maxima who pointed out my faux pas with Leonard's middle name.**

 **Let us start at the beginning**

My name is, Dr. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter. On October 12th, 2017, the great state of Texas will execute me for the murder of, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.

While this statement sums up my future in a tight easy to process sound byte, it lacks what we call 'backstory'. In order to provide that I have decided to use the notebooks the good Padre provided me to unburden my soul, to instead record the 37 years that made up my life so far, I shall not record every event in my shortened life. Instead I will record those events in my life that provide sufficient proof of the absurdity of the idea that I had murdered Sheldon.

So let us start at the beginning.

As many of you may know, my Mother, Dr. Beverly Hofstadter, is a world renowned Neurobiologist. What you may not know is that till my birth, she was considered a third rate hack with laughable credentials and ridiculous theories on child rearing and infant psychology. Her later success was due mostly to her willingness to shape her children to fit her theories.

By the age of two, my sister, Eleanor, had already adapted her behavior to make Mother happy. She no longer played with toys or associated with other children. Her days were spent reading a series of books provided by our Mother and having endless tests done on her to measure her 'correct behavior'. When I was brought home, her life got better because Mother abandoned her as a test subject to begin her studies on a fresh subject.

Do not get me wrong, my Mother never hit us, or touched us in any way. She simply created situations and measured our reaction. And if our reactions were 'correct', we received less negative feedback. She wanted everyone to believe her theories, and used her children to prove it. And at times, it was like she was only using us to prove something.

By the age of two, I began to adapt my reactions to the point that Mother stopped testing, Eleanor because she thought that my responses fit her theories better. Then my brother, Michael, was born. I loved him and Eleanor doted on him. We in fact formed a partnership whose sole purpose was to keep Mother away from, Michael. With the help of our housekeeper, Mrs. Loletta, we quickly arranged a daily schedule that minimized the time available for Mother to interact with baby brother. I, on the other hand, was tasked with keeping her busy on those days she was actually home.

That was my life, please Mother, ignore Father, and protect Eleanor and Michael at all costs. There was no joy, just trepidation and fear of what Mother would come up with next.

That all changed when I turned six. Due to the fact that my siblings and I were believed to have genius level IQ's, people began to believe her theories were in fact correct. Book deals were signed, tours were arranged, and offers for visiting Professor were coming in from some very prestigious universities. Mother spent little time at home and we thrived.

Two years later, things got even better when my Uncle Floyd moved back to Mercersberg from Italy. He brought with him, Anna Maria Pasquale Hofstadter, my new Aunt and his six year old son, Michelangelo Rafael Hofstadter. He was named that because his parents first kiss was while standing between Raphael's La Fornarina and a bust of Michelangelo in the Galleria Nazionale d'Arte Antica. That is why we loved spending time at, Uncle Floyd's, because his family was interesting. Exactly the opposite of ours. They were warm, caring and nurturing and still managed to present the world with their own genius level prodigy.

Angelo was remarkable. He had a genius level mind that the standard IQ tests would never be able to quantify. He already spoke and read English and Italian fluently by the time he was four and By the time he was six, he was working on adding French to his list of language skills. In my life, I have tried to explain what it was like being in Angelo's presence but words always failed me. The closest I can come is to paraphrase a line written by one of my favorite authors, Lois McMaster Bujold,

"If looking at a normal person was like seeing a candle in a distant window, then seeing Angelo was like seeing an entire city burning".

Now I know what you are thinking, what does Angelo have to do with the death of, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper?

Angelo's intellect fed mine, making me want more and to achieve more. I wanted to be at the top, higher than I have ever been in my life. I became addicted to that feeling and did my best to soak it in at every chance. Angelo was aware of this and explained to me that certain individuals in life acted as a catalyst to those around them, bringing out the best and sometimes the worst in people. Those affected by this did not necessarily notice it. Instead they just found them drawn to that individual in various forms of social interactions.

Angelo believed that being away from your catalyst could give you some of the same affects as drug withdrawal. I realized early on that he was correct and that I needed to be around him as much as possible.

This need, combined with anger, and hate, is what led me to make my first enemy.


	2. Chapter 2

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **V2 L0**

His name was Edward Kendall. He was four years older, a foot taller, and 30 pounds heavier than me. As luck would have it he had also been in my home room class for the last two years. Edward spent every free moment tormenting me while we were in school. Nuggies, swirlies, indian burns, random punches in the hall were the extent of his bully's repertoire. These things I could deal with because they did not compare to the mental torture my mother had been putting me through my entire life. I was resilient. I ignored his taunts and jibes, infuriating him even more, but he had his revenge. On the day of my 9th birthday Edward's malicious nature finally broke me.

Aunt Maria had decided to throw me a birthday party (my first that I can remember). While she made the final touches to the celebration meal, Angelo, Eleanor, Michael and I went to the park. After some cajoling on our part we convinced Eleanor to get on the merry-go-round while Angelo and I spun her slowly. Unbeknownst to us Edward had a crush on my sister and choose to show it by spinning the Merry-go-round rapidly. Eleanor was terrified. I tried to stop this but Edward punched me in the stomach, paralyzing my diaphragm momentarily. I was on my knees, trying to get my breath back, when I saw that Angelo had stopped the the merry-go-round. He let go of the safety bar and was reaching for the terrified Eleanor. I tried to warn Angelo but I was still trying to catch my breath. I threw myself forward missing my target and watched as Edward waited till Angelo was leaning in far enough before he spun the wheel as hard as he could. The metal safety bar struck Angelo in the temple. Angelo was suddenly down and he was covered in blood from a scalp wound. Edward was taunting him, almost glorying in the damage he had done. Suddenly I found myself holding my bundled shirt to Angelo's temple while Eleanor ran for help. I then proceeded to tell Edward about the special part of hell reserved for Neanderthals like him. I called him a coward, a murderer, moron, any foul or derogatory word I could spit at him. He started toward me then stopped, his malicious glare faded. I heard a voice explaining in detail the penalty for hurting my family. Phrases like "mi familia" and "vendetta" spewed forth. Suddenly I realized they were coming from my mouth. He saw the hate in my eyes and it scared him. He backed up, apologizing, making excuses, trying to reinvent the events to make it an accident. I stared at Edward. His face went white and then he turned and ran for his home. All that time I held Angelo in my arms while Michael looked on in silent horror.

It seemed to take hours for the EMT's to show up. I learned later they were there within 15 minutes of receiving my Uncles call.

Even before they loaded Angelo into the ambulance I knew he would never be the same. The pupil in his right eye was open wide, he stuttered when he tried to talk, and the light from him seemed to have faded. I was so angry I wanted to hunt Edward down and beat the crap out of him. Me, who had never raised my fist in anger to anyone, wanted to kill him for what he had done to Angelo. For what he had done to me. There it was. The truth. Edward had stolen my light with the careless recklessness of a child kicking over an ant hill. He needed to pay. Edward had stolen from me something that was not replaceable. I found myself making a very guttural growl which startled Eleanor and Michael. They pulled away. Realizing that their protector, the sheep dog, was now rabid and they must be wary. Fearing to leave me alone they grabbed my hands and led me home, each taking furtive looks at the scowl that etched my face. Home to my loving Mother who took one look at my blood covered shirt and told me I should presoak it or the shirt would be ruined. No questions. Was it my blood? Who had been hurt? Just "soak the shirt". Remove the evidence that anything had ever interrupted her perfectly ordered life. That was the moment I began to hate my Mother. My need for her approval was gone and I was going to do whatever it took to get my siblings away from her. I may have only been 9 years old but I was no longer a child. My enemies list had began and doubled in under an hours time. My mind began planning my revenge. The words turned in my mind "mi familia" and then colder "vendetta".


	3. Chapter 3

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **V3 L0**

Word had spread of Angelo's "accident". Since it was both a child being injured and a city councilman's son being involved, the local newspaper had sent out reporters.

Edward's father was an attorney with a prestigious law firm so he had begun damage control quickly. He convinced my grief stricken Uncle not to sue, but instead offered to help them move Angelo to an excellent head trauma clinic in up state New York.

Mr. Kendall also offered them a money settlement and all they had to do was sign a confidentiality clause attached to the settlement. No mention of his son's punishment. No mention of his culpability. When I read the contract later I realized it sounded more like a pledge to help care for a boy hurt in an accident. Not an admission of guilt. After all little Edward might want to run for office or become a lawyer some day. Even sealed a juvenile record would still be a blot on his record that could affect his future.

I realized that the rants and raves about revenge were going to get me too much attention.

I studied those children in our neighborhood and determined that I would from that point on emulate the 10 year old boy down the street, Tim Waterston. Every action I would take would be predicated on what I believed Tim Waterston would do. I enjoyed only those things a typical pre-teen adolescent would enjoy. Comic books, video games, and computers. I had learned early on in life to hide my true intelligence as a kind of retaliation against my Mothers using me as a guinea pig for her ridiculous theories. I decided to extend that action to include everyone. I would act and be Dr. Hofstadter disappointing child and I would lull everyone into complacence.

The local newspapers ran a story on the accident. The local city council vowed to replace the old playground equipment with something safer. Then the paper got hold of bits of the interaction between Edward and I after the "accident". That got Mr. Kendall's attention. He stopped by to see how my family was handling the tragedy. After explaining to my parents (both who were home remarkably) what he was doing to help out my Uncle (again no admission of guilt, just helping out a family in need), he asked to talk to me. My parents sat there, my father looking disconnected with the event, and my mother enjoying the attention of one of our communities movers and shakers. Mr. Kendall pulled out a small notebook and asked me about the events immediately after the accident. He was very careful to never ask me to recount the actual "accident'.

Realizing that my odd behavior would be too easy to recollect later I channeled Tim Waterson and answered his questions.

"No sir, I did not tell your son I would attack him. He is much larger than me that would be stupid".

"No sir, I don't remember much after seeing all the blood."

"No sir, I don't know what a veneda even is."

"mi familia sir? Is that Italian, sir? My Aunt knows Italian…

And so on. Each attempt by him to find out what was said was met by "short attention span" replies. My Mother would frequently explain that in times of stress undeveloped minds would overload. Spewing forth gibberish etc. Nothing to worry about.

Mr. Kendall would nod with an all knowing look on his face.

Eventually he got to the point and told me that my cousin was going to have the best of care but that could not happen if any of hysterics of that day were to be repeated to anyone.

"Oh yes sir. I would do anything to help Angelo".

Mr. Kendall seemed pleased with himself as he left. The jackass could not even get my Aunt and Uncles names right. Angelo was referred to as that unfortunate boy for the whole conversation.

Well Mr. Kendall your now on my list and mother's lack of concern had raised her priority on my agenda. I would find a way to settle both of their accounts.

As I sat there that night contemplating the cause and affect of different scenarios, it became evident to me that whatever form my retaliation might take, I and my family must appear to have nothing to do with it.

I began to list the steps necessary and to theorize on the possible outcomes. As I went thru scenario after scenario it became apparent that my intellect would be my main weapon.

I determined that I needed to define what had to occur for my revenge to be complete.

1) No additional harm was to befall my Uncle's family, so whatever I did must not prevent the "aid" coming in from Mr. Kendall from continuing.

2) Edward Kendall needed to be held accountable for what he had done. Since I could not chance involving Angelo, it had to be another event that would both get him a juvenile and school record that would ruin his life.

3) What ever I did could not cause physical harm to Edward's family. I knew that anything done like that in Angelo's name would not be acceptable. Angelo abhorred violence, though he realized that sometime it was necessary.

I mapped out each step and set dates they needed to be completed by. Some of the items were inter-twined so I created a program that would track and send me reminder emails when a step needed to be taken The program was intricate and required constant modification. Eventually I completed the program and coded it so no one else could access it. By the first day of school I was ready to begin my vendetta.


	4. Chapter 4

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **To cygne909 who left a review hoping I was doing a send up of the 1949 movie "Kind Hearts and Coronets", I agree it was a classic and with Sir Alec Guinness playing the roles of every member of the family victimized by the antagonist, it is very enjoyable. Unfortunately while I can imagine Leonard as Lewis (the antagonist) I do not have the comedic chops or talent to create the image of all of the family members portrayed by Sheldon. Without that the story would be ruined. I had even contemplated a version where thru a series of accidents Sheldon ends up killing all of is competitors for the Nobel prize. Instead I suggest to you all to view this movie (if you can find it). It was very well written, very well acted and the plot had some interesting twists. JheremyC**

 **V2 L-1**

I know what your thinking. The blow by blow details of a year in the life of a 4th grader, been there, done that. Instead I intend to give you the basics of my plan and how I implemented it.

Result 1: I needed Edward to be seen constantly bullying me.

Result 2: I needed to be seen by the staff as being withdrawn and sick from fear.

Result 3: I needed to provide proof that the bullying was actionable by the staff and not just boys being boys.

Action 1: Whenever I saw Edward I would cringe, no comment, just look away and move as far from him as possible. This needed to be done everytime since you never new when a teacher was watching. Action 2: Whenever school activities forced me to be in close proximity to Edward, I needed to be seen as sweating and trembling in fear.

Action 3: Whenever the scheduled action was to occur I would bump into Edward when he was not watching. I would throw myself to the ground, books flying. One of the staff would of course be nearby and when asked I always said it was an accident and not looking in his direction would say that "Edward did not hit me". Truth but it would cause doubt in the mind of the staff person. It was more effective than an outright accusation.

Tools 1: I created a schedule of all of Edwards classes. I studied the routines of several of the staff. When they went to lunch. When they snuck out for a cigarette. When they would head to the teachers lounge for a beverage. I used this combined with my software to send innocuous emails to my PDA. Example a message to pick up milk that arrived at 1 PM was to let me know that Edward and one the staff would be near the cafeteria doors at 2:35. Another message was about such and such a bird being spotted nesting. This told me that their paths would cross near the teachers lounge.

Tools 2: Using a mixture of dried dandelion root and powdered caffeine I coated the ginger root candies I always carried with me for stomach pains. Whenever I got a notice that Edward and my schedules were about to cross I would eat several of the ginger root candies which would seriously spike my blood pressure and cause me to sweat profusely. I would wait until Edward was close and then over react trying to "get away from him". The teacher present seeing my distress and noticing the sweating and shortness of breath, would send me to the nurse who would note yet another note about a spike in blood pressure in my records and of course recommend to my folks that I see my physician. The Doctor would find nothing because the mixture had left my system by the time school ended.

Tools 3: I took kick boxing at a gym in a nearby town. This strengthened my body but also gave me a supply of fresh bruises that would fit with my having been bullied. I rode my bike there and back claiming to be at the local library. I paid for everything in cash.

As the school year progressed the "random" attacks of Edward on my person started to register with the school staff, and strangely enough with the students as well.

At first the "bullying" brought the usual derision from my classmates. As we approached Halloween though things started to change. After our more recent "meetings" Edward was being sent to the office more and more often. I had to update my program because Edward had changed his routine drastically. He would cross the hall or turn and walk away when he saw me.

Students who were normally placid were berating him for picking on me. Then I heard thru the grapevine that poor Leonard was afraid because Edward had killed my beloved cousin Angelo. Think about it like a kid. The incident was in the paper, then Angelo was taken away in an ambulance and he was never seen again. Murdered by Edward who now seemed intent on hurting poor Leonard. I had not expected this. Suddenly Edward was himself being bullied. He had grown sullen and withdrawn. He would be sent to the office again and again blaming me for all of his problems. My project had gotten out of hand. I had miscalculated. I wanted Edward to pay for his crime but not like this. Then Edward was expelled multiple times. A school psychologist was brought in to council the kids on the effects of bullying. Everywhere I went I got pitied. "Look at poor Leonard".

Then things got really weird. Several girls had decided it was somehow romantic and tried to "save" me. The kick boxing and riding my bicycle had toned my body. The Vendetta had proven to me that I was not Dr. Hofstadter idiot child. I was invited to parties, asked to go the the mall with my new friends. I was felling better about myself and THAT WAS WRONG.

I was supposed to be avenging Angelo. Instead people were praising me for taking care of the memory of my poor dead cousin.

No one would listen. I tried to tell them Angelo was alive and getting rehabilitated. Our housekeeper, Mrs. Loletta, had been driving us up to see Angelo every second Saturday since he had be moved out of intensive care.

Worst of all I was getting praised for doing what was right. You take care of family. You should not be praised for doing what is right. You shouldn't..

Then things got worse, Edward never returned to school after Christmas break.

My cry for vengance was now ashes in my mouth. I found out Uncle Floyd's business was failing. Aunt Maria was looking years older than she should. Angelo was not improving. I realized I had spent too much time on Vendetta and not enough time on "mi familia". I was ashamed.

I took stock of my life.

Fact: No matter how smart I am, I am still a child , a kid, a rug rat, not an adult.

I removed Edward from my enemies list. I mean really, how can a 9 year old boy have 3 enemies.


	5. Chapter 5

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **I would like to thank all of you that left comments on any of my stories. When I used to read fan fiction I would see the writers asking for reviews because it gave them inspiration to write. I never understood why but the stories were good so I kept reading and tried to leave reviews. Now I realize that reviews are like pistachios , there can never be enough. That blatant request for pistachios aside I would like to point out something totally irrelevant to this story. How great is the nome de plume "** **Ella the Owl with Amber Eyes"? Also if you are searching for a big bang story to read check bamadude's favorites page, he has great taste (and no not just because he listed one of my stories). Thanks for reading, I hope you will not be disappointed.**

 **V2 L1**

Without the daily regimen I had maintained during the vendetta fiasco, I found myself with an abundance of free time. The whole sordid affair had left me feeling emotionally numb but there were some benefits. I found that in my single minded pursuit to make Edward look like I monster I had in fact become physically stronger. The kickboxing had built up my body but also cleared my mind. The additional blood flow appeared to have enhanced my mental faculties. To my amazement I also found that I had thoroughly enjoyed the whole decision making process. Determining the desired results and determining how to prove them. I actively began to search out careers that would allow me to use my new found skills. During my free time

I had adapted my project management software for other applications. Now it covered everything from my personal schedule to managing my burgeoning comic book collection. It was thru this software that I partially redeemed myself.

It was the 2nd week of January and Mrs Loletta had driven us up to see Angelo. When we arrived we found Uncle Floyd alone in Angelo's room. He looked tired and had lost a lot of weight. He was going thru his company books trying to line up statuses on shipments with money taken in or spent.

I could see the frustration because he was a very good business man normally and was wallowing in the details. The events of last year had distracted him and I found out later he was on the verge of shutting his business down.

Uncle Floyd shut the lid on his laptop and pulled each of us into one of his traditional hugs. Except for me. He had started to reach out and stopped. He looked me up and down and then stuck out his hand. I shook it, feeling the moment of being accepted as a man (albeit a small one) for the first time in my life. I decided I liked it but grabbed hold of Uncle Floyd anyway. This made him smile. Angelo was in PT for the next 2 hours so while Mrs. Loletta took Michael and Eleanor down to the children's ward to visit, Uncle Floyd and I discussed his business. I realized as he described his day to day business activities that many of the problems he had could be overcome by using my project program to manage the events. We sat there mapping out his business into decision trees and listing the desired outcomes. I was sure it would work. At first Uncle Floyd was just humoring me. Sharing his knowledge but really not expecting me to get anything from it. I was his distraction from the turmoil that was his day. I explained the decision tree and told him how the project manager software could help. Using his laptops modem connection I retrieved the file I had stored in an email to myself. Configuring it to match his basic needs we populated the data from his books covering his imports from south america (the smallest of his ventures). Once completed he watched in wonder as I showed him what the program could do. He asked if I could do that for each of his vendors remarking how it would make doing the centralized book keeping so much easier because he could just pull the data from each vendor and combine them. That is when I let him know that once we had them all entered we could tie it in to the central program and it would track everything. He was amazed. Then I showed him how versatile it would be and most of all how easy it would be to maintain.

Do not get me wrong I spent a lot of time configuring that program to match how my Uncle was used to doing books. The programs interface was not very versatile required reconfiguring if additional items were added. When I presented him the final program and showed how easy it was to use he was stunned. He and I worked together getting all of his data imported and Uncle Floyd then ran his business from it.

The program removed a lot of the pressure on my Uncle. He no longer looked tired the smile had returned to his face. Eventually the business began to show a solid profit again. I had refused to take any money from Uncle Floyd for my work so he gifted me with a share in his business and the promise of a job during the summer.

Things were looking up. Angelo would never be 100% recovered but his speech was much clearer and he could once again read Italian (interesting note, he never lost the ability to speak English or Italian, but sometimes he would blend the two languages together making conversations interesting.)

With Angelo active once again Aunt Marie had regained much of her joie de vevre. Laughter had returned to the Hofstadter family (at least Uncle Floyd's side).

On the following visit Angelo had taken me aside. He explained that he had heard from friends at school and was very concerned about me. I confessed to my vendetta and he had been saddened by it. I did not like disappointing him but Angelo hugged me and slowly explained why it was a bad thing.

He explained that by retaliating in that way I had become part of what I hated, a bully. What I had attained was not justice but vengeance and I was diminished by it. He stared into my eyes and reminded me of the role of the catalyst. I was to make the people around me able to be more than they could alone. I needed to return to my role as sheep dog. Allowing those around me to flourish in the safety of my presence. It sounds hokey when I say it now but when Angelo said it aloud it became my new mission. I would do my best to find and nourish those minds that had the potential to be another Angelo. Another beautiful mind. This I would do above all else. To do this I must first start at home, repairing my relationship with Eleanor and Michael. Next I had to find a way to create a relationship with my parents knowing that neither of them would every be parents in the traditional sense. Angelo told me that my Mother would never be able to give me the affection I craved. Mother did not know understand the whole concept of intimacy. Getting angry at her about it was futile. His analogy was it would be like getting mad at someone who had never had site for not understanding what the color blue was. My parents did not know or understand people well enough to make proper decisions. Since I did, it would be my job to assume the role of parent and find a way for all of us to live together without damaging each other.

Once again Angelo changed my life. His insight was still incredible but the light was so much dimmer. Angelo told me one last thing before we left that day and that was the I needed to let the old Angelo go and love the new Angelo. He would never be what he once was, but he would always be my family.

I kissed him on the cheek and let go of my remaining anger and hate.

I mentally tore up my enemies list. It was time to get to work.


	6. Chapter 6

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Apologies on the delay.**

 **Revelations**

Since you are reading this I must assume my lawyers were unable to get me a new trial. That said I need to point out some "truths" I learned in the years after my vendetta ended. I had stereotyped my family into roles I could understand. Mother the automaton, Father the intellectual, Eleanor the child forced to follow a parents dream, Michael the innocent to be protected, Mrs. Loletta the surrogate grandmother, and Angelo the fallen Angel. All pigeon holed to fit my narrow view of the world. The world according to Leonard. Leonard the family's sacrifice. Get over yourself

The following was revealed to me in the course of everyday events. The order may be off but the importance is to get a more realistic view of my family.

 **Father**

Since Uncle Floyd's company had stabilized I had been receiving dividends on my shares monthly. He held the money for me since I did not have a personal bank or brokerage account. One day he called me into his office to meet his new partner. I will not mention his name or the company he was merging with, but it is now a very large import export business of household goods. Uncle Floyd had brought me in for two reasons. One, his new partner wished to purchase my voting shares. Two, the head of the new larger company's IT department wanted to discuss ownership of the software I had set Uncle Floyd up with. The shares were needed so that the partners each controlled fifty percent of the voting stock. Uncle Floyd offered me $40k for my shares and to sign a contract to sell the company all rights to the software. The money sounded good but before I could agree his new partner asked me to consider a counter proposal. They would give me $5k to swap my voting shares for the same amount of non-voting shares in their new company. He then offered me an additional $10k for the sole use and resale rights to the code. In addition I was to receive 1/3 of the net proceeds if they sold/leased the software to another company..

It was an easy decision. I knew Uncle Floyd's knowledge and contacts would make this new company highly profitable. I also knew that as long as the interface for the software was redesigned to make it easy for anyone to use, the software would be popular with small and medium sized businesses. I chose the partners offer and was presented with a check for $15k. I was informed I also needed to get a personal checking account since all payments would be direct deposit in the future. Off I went to the bank and to my surprise found that minor's needed an adult cosigner to hold a bank account. Determined I filled out the paperwork and headed home to get my Father's signature. Knowing he would not even read the document if asked while he was busy I headed into his office and interrupted his current project. Rather than just signing he surprised me by actually reading the document. He crumpled it up and before I could object opened his file cabinet and pulled out a folder marked Leonard and handed it to me. I read thru and found that I actually had a personal financial planner in the person of one H. Richard Sipfes, CPA and CFP. I had a portfolio of stocks and bonds left by my Grandfather worth roughly $90k I turned to my Father and got the next big surprise, he patted me on the shoulder and told me what a good thing I had done by helping Floyd and that since I was doing a man's work I should control my own finances. He started to say more but his eyes kept drifting back to the papers. My view of my family was wrong, My father was not just an intellectual wrapped up in his own narrow little world, he cared for his family but just was not good at showing it.

 **Mrs. Loletta**

Mrs. Loletta had been my family's housekeeper since the day my parents had been married, June 26th 1976 (yes the same month the Omen premiered, just a coincidence I am sure).

I knew very little about her since she was a very private person. This is what I had deduced from bits and pieces I picket up over the years. She was born on April 3rd, 1924, the same day as Marlon Brando (who was her favorite actor). She loved the anything sung by Doris Day (also born on April 3rd, but in 1922). She was a huge fan of the Brooklyn Dodgers, specifically Gil Hodges (you guessed it he was born on April 4th 1924). The last fact I discovered by snooping. Mrs. Loletta took off the first Tuesday of every month and went on a day trip. She never mentioned anything about it and when I asked my Mother about it she said it was not her story to tell.

I followed her one day on my bike and found that she visited a florist to pick up 3 dozen lilies already bundled up for pickup. She then proceeded to the bus stop and rode it till she got to Griffith cemetery.

She walked directly to one section of the graveyard that was very well cared for. I watched as she cleaned the weeds from 12 graves and then placed three lilies each on the graves. I had never seen her cry before but I could hear her weeping from my hiding spot. I should have left, it would have been easier for me but I couldn't move. Eventually I walked up to her and handed her my brand new handkerchief, she looked at it then used it to dab her eyes. I promised I would never tell but I am breaking that now so that I can show you again how my family was much more than I had imagined.

Mrs. Loletta took my hand and introduced me to her family. They were all of her direct family, father, mother, uncles, aunts, her husband and her three children. All of the grave markers except 2 had the same date of death. The 2 uncles had been killed in France in the great war. All of the rest had died in a terrible house fire that occurred in the middle of the night. Mrs. Loletta was spared because she worked nights taking care of my grandfather who was bed ridden due to a stroke. Suddenly homeless and alone she took to living in a shed on her family's property. One night during a particular nasty storm my Mother had donned her raincoat and let my Grandmother know she was going to bring Mrs. Loletta home where she belonged. She had lived with the family from that day on.

 **Mother**

While the story of the day she came to live with my Mother's family does put Mother in a good light you must remember that having Mrs. Loletta was a great convince to my Mother and her family so we cannot rule out a logical decision to make sure they did not lose her services. I was proven wrong thru a series of isolated events. First Mother announced that Mrs. Loletta was no longer to take us to see Angelo. She had business at the clinic there and we would go with her from then on. Later she announced that we were to keep our rooms properly cleaned and bed made. If she found Mrs. Loletta upstairs for any reason we were to be punished. I began to see why these events occurred, Mrs. Loletta had been taking more time off and was walking with a noticeable limp. My sister and I began taking cooking lessons and eventually took over a portion of the daily dinner preparation. When school started I could no longer go with Mrs. Loletta to visit her family. I went the graveyard the day before she was to visit with the intention of cleaning up the area for her visit. When I arrived I found my Mother on her hands and knees plucking weeds. I did not say anything but instead handed her my gloves and joined her silently in the endeavor. Eventually my sister and brother joined us. From that point on either Mother or Father drove her to her visits. Things were different during this time, Eleanor and Michael spent a lot of their free time studying within sight of Mrs. Loletta, she was seldom alone. So when I walked to the kitchen that fateful day I expected to find her alone in the kitchen since I was always the first one home from school. I could hear crying from the kitchen. My Mother and Mrs. Loletta were not arguing just having an intense conversation, with words like retirement and leaving interspersed with quiet crying. I was determined to call Mother out on her attempt to ged rid of Mrs. Loletta, then I heard the crying and realized it was not Mrs. Loletta but my Mother trying to convince her to stay here with her family. Us. She wanted her to stay with US. Let me tell you this was big, I never saw or heard my mother cry in the 10 years previous. I walked into the kitchen. My Mother looked at me and then left through the other door. I then had the story from Mrs. Loletta. Her doctor wanted her to retire because her diabetes was beginning to cause problems in her extremities and she would require her feet and legs to be monitored closely. The loss of sensation in her feet was aggravating what would normally be small everyday issues. Mother had insisted that Mrs. Loletta stay with us, but she had decided to move to Florida to an assisted living community where her recently re-widowed sister-in-law was living. They had been childhood friends and were looking forward to getting reacquainted. She left for Florida in late October. My mother refused to let her fly because of her legs and instead booked them a cabin in one of the trains heading for Tampa.

In yet another amazing moment my mother stated her need to travel the same route to attend a conference. Mother was gone for 2 weeks and when she returned interviewed and hired a new housekeeper. She returned to her normal demeanor and I have only seen her cry one more time. When calling Mrs. Loletta to check in (coincidentally on her 68th birthday) she was notified that had passed away in her sleep earlier that morning. My mother and sister stared at each other soaking in the event. Without saying anything they both went and packed an overnight bag.

Dad drove them to the airport and they flew to Florida. They returned 6 days later and we buried Mrs. Loletta in the spot she had reserved between her husband and her children. During the funeral my family wept for our loss. After that day I never saw my mother or sister cry again.

 **Eleanor Hosfstadter**

Eleanor had always played the role of replacement. She desired to be a great neuroscientist like our mother. She followed Mother around when she was home, studying her every move and reading any book on the subject she could get hold of. Her only act of rebellion was our protection of Michael, until Mrs. Loletta died. At one of the rare dinners when both parents were there she announced her plan to instead study human physiology, in particular metabolic diseases. Mother had smiled, Father looked perplexed about the change.

Seeing the question on his face she answered that Eleanor was intending to work on the cure for diabetes and would need to enter a school with a more solid biology curriculum. Eleanor left for Crestwood Academy in September of that same year. While it was an all girl campus it was reputed to have a solid offering of courses for those interested in the sciences. She thrived and graduated from Crestwood, with honors, in May of 1994. I would like to say we were close but once she left our house I seldom heard from her. Years later she would admit to me that she always resented the fact that Mother spent more time with me. She believed I wanted all that attention. Perception is a fickle bitch at times.

 **Michael Hofstadter**

Michael was another mis-reading. I believed he hated me for keeping Mother away from him. Years later at his graduation from Princeton he would admit that Mrs. Loletta had told him before she died of all that I endured to protect him from Mother and was ashamed to face me. He believed he had ruined my life but instead he was the crucible that made me who I am today. We are close (for Hofstadters' that is). I was always proud of the man he turned into.

 **Angelo Hofstadter**

It would take me years to finally figure out what my relationship with Angelo had metamorphosed into. I had committed a sin in his name and been forgiven. I had tried to assume his mantle of intellectual giant, and found myself wanting. I did learn from Angelo how to love my family and to help those that need it. Even during his time at the clinic he would help out with the terminal children, entertaining them, and letting them know that they were not alone. When his fits were under control Angelo, my Aunt Anna-Marie, and my Uncle Floyd moved to a small vineyard in Tuscany. Uncle Floyd had sold out his half of the business for quite a tidy sum and was living the life of a gentlemen farmer. We talked frequently but I never saw them again in person.

Angelo is in my thoughts constantly. I had named him fallen Angel but now realized he was the sacrifice that made so many lives better. I intended to make myself worthy of that sacrifice.


	7. Chapter 7

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **The Journey**

I apologize for the last entry it was long and probably not necessary but I did not want my last words to be nothing but negativisms about my family. Their successes in their fields were un-paralleled it was only in our personal lives that we had issues. Regardless I loved them and would do them no harm where possible.

The years following the death of Mrs. Loletta and the departure of my Uncle and his family were fairly repetitive. Each of us spent our time studying and pushing ourselves to improve our minds. My sister graduated early from the Academy and started at Princeton at age 16 (permission was given because our parents were distinguished scholars and graduates of the school). I was able to test out of several grades and was set to graduate high school at the age of 15. High school was a confusing time for me because of my size and age I was constantly being challenged by other students to prove my worth.

The exercise and kickboxing kept my body in excellent shape and I found that helped me in my intellectual pursuits as well. What did not help me is the fact that girls were starting to notice me. The height was a turnoff but the muscles and self-confidence made up for it. This became a problem because it was taking up too much of my time fending off prospective girl friends. To rectify this I began to wear hoodies everywhere. They covered my physique and also gave me the look of a loner. This allowed me to move more freely amongst the student body without attracting to much attention. There would still be the occasional bully but when I confronted them (making sure that there was no witnesses so they would not be shamed into trying again) they soon began to realize that it was not worth the embarrassment of me losing my cool and planting one of my Chuck Taylor's in their ear.

As high school graduation approached I began to plan for my educational needs after I graduated from Princeton. I liked their bachelors degree but decided that I would do my Masters and Doctoral studies at MIT. This presented some problems as I would be living away from home and paying full tuition. My concerns were abated after discussing with Mr. Sipes what I could afford. I was in for a surprise. My stocks in my Uncle's old company had split three times in the last 5 years. The dividends from the other investments had been earning me a nice rate of return. The biggest surprise was the settlement money for the software I had setup my Uncle's company with. In the late part of 1993 a company (which due to a privacy agreement I signed must not be mentioned) bought the software and coding. My share of the sale was $75k. Mr Sipes had invested it wisely. I could easily afford the Doctoral program at MIT with a little left over for a rainy day. My plans were set.

Listing all of the classes , papers, etc required to get me from where I was to where I wanted to be is pointless. With the exception of one semester at MIT, where I fell in love, I did everything possible to reach my goal in as short a time as possible. I want to mention this one semester only to show you that I was able to interact with woman when it was needed. Her name was Nicolette and she was junior at Harvard. She first sought me out upon finding out that I was related to Dr. Beverly Hofstadter and was in fact the subject of many of her earlier books on Neuroscience and Child Psychology. At first it was just interviews to help with her own studies. Then it became clear that Nicolette was a brainiac chaser and I was to be her next capture. She was beautiful and 3 years older than me so I allowed her to succeed. This was not hubris on my part, she and I both knew it would never be more than a fling . I enjoyed her company and her body as she shared both willingly. I will not go into our love life in detail but she taught me the art of making a woman happy and I allowed her to practice her art on me. During one of our late night sessions, while I was recharging, she recounted her meetings with geniuses in her pursuit of what makes them tick. She went into detail on the peculiar fellow she had interviewed at Harvard. She would not give his name but referred to him as the "praying mantis".

She believed he would do great things if his isolationist tendencies did not drive him mad first. Later while she was sleeping I read thru her journal and found his name Sheldon Lee Cooper. All his personal details were mentioned including his ADHD style of dealing with things he could not control. While reviewing her notes I saw one other name that stood out. She was a neurobiologist and already making a name in her field. What was most interesting is the listed IQ. Sheldon was listed as 186 with a + and a ?, but Amy Farrah Fowlers was listed as 195. That was amazing. A mind like that was destined for great things. Again Nicolette had added a disclaimer, Amy too suffered from extreme social anxiety and would probably never achieve full potential. I decided to scanned the journal pages into my laptop so I could review it at my leisure. It was to turn out to be one of the best spur of the moment decisions I ever made. Nicolette and I stayed together till the next semester when on mutual agreement we went our separate ways. To this day I cannot look at the back of a woman's knee without thinking of Nicolette.

That was my only dalliance while attending MIT. I presented my Doctoral dissertation in June of 2001 and was granted my Doctorate soon after. Before the hooding ceremony had completed I received several lucrative job offers but found myself leaning towards a prestigious government research fellowship that would require me to be sequestered for 1 year while I completed my work. I knew from the lack of information and the amount of money offered that this study would be done for the Military. I accepted the offer.

Two weeks later I was at a secret military supercollider located beneath a fake agricultural station 12.5 miles southeast of Traverse City, Michigan. The work was classified but I enjoyed the atmosphere and camaraderie among the scientists sequestered there. On the sixth week after my arrival the facility supervisor presented me with a list of theoretical physicists and asked me my opinion. I was just about to explain that I was not familiar with any of them when one name popped out, Sheldon Lee Cooper. He was listed as a grad student at Caltech and a possible candidate. I revealed to my supervisor that while Sheldon was still working on his doctorate his genius level IQ would indeed be an asset to any project. This turned out to be a bad decision on my part. I did not take his idiosyncrasies into account. Sheldon was unable to keep a secret. He was not able to keep the information to himself and even if asked any question slightily related to the secret would cause a kind of verbal diarrhea to set in. Within one hour of leaving his interview he told eight different people the location of the facility. One of these people was apparently a North Korean spy so the facility was closed and would have to be moved to a new location. Since the time to build the facility was lengthy I was released from my contract with strict instructions on how to deal with anyone who expressed too much interest in my time there.

Mr Cooper interested me. I reviewed my previous interviews and contacted the gentleman from Caltech to see if the job was still open. They were familiar with my dissertation and my masters thesis and had wanted me on their staff. When I called I was immediately put on the line with the head of the physics department. I was offered a junior professor's job but instead opted for straight research. They accepted. In March of 2002 I was on my way to Pasadena with the intention of studying Mr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. I needed to see if he had the potential to be another Angelo.


	8. Chapter 8

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Settling In**

My first few months in Pasadena were spent equipping my new Lab. That is how I met Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali. Howard Wolowitz had brought him around to my lab to introduce him to the new Applied Physics guru. Howard and I had met while attending M.I.T. and renewing our friendship was one of the reasons I had accepted the position. Howard and "Raj" had hung around to help me unpack boxes and most importantly to check out the new high energy laser. Tired and hungry I had offered to take them to dinner. We decided on the Cheese Cake Factory because it had a varied menu and "Raj" was eating vegan that week. The restaurant was clean and Howard, of course, made crude passes at our waitress. Having had been out in public with him at MIT I reminded him what Nicolette had said. She had told him that less of the creepy and more of the brainy. It seemed to have worked because he was better. Anytime he would slip I would simply mention Nicolette and he stopped. Raj found this amusing but in the process first displayed his selective mutism. Unable to talk while our waitress was in ear shot he instead whispered his order to Howard. All in all it was an interesting evening. Since I was still living at the hotel we decided to grab a drink at the bar before calling it a night.

Howard regaled us with stories of his mother, and a few of our time together at M.I.T. He would be a great guy to know if he could only shed the creepy candy coating as Raj put it. I agreed, Howard would do great things if he only let the right head control his actions. I was almost set, I had friends, I had a job and all I needed now was a more permanent abode. Rather than waste my time looking at endless apartments I instead hired a local realtor to locate an apartment for me. While not key to my visit to death row, I will also introduce the realtor. Sasha Volkov was an actress who was paying her bills by working at a realtor. She was tall blonde haired and blue eyed. She was taking care of my search because none of the senior realtors felt it worth their while. Sasha was extremely flirty and Howard fell in love with her the first time she spoke Russian. Surprised to hear Howard reply in flawless Russian they began an odd courtship that ended up with Howard going with us to see each apartment she thought I might like. It took viewing 10 different apartments till I found the one I wanted.

2311 North Los Robles Avenue was an older building but had a lot of character. 4A had hardwood floors, a large living room dining room area, a nicely laid out kitchen, and two bedrooms. The rent was reasonable and there were plenty of stores and restaurants in walking distance.

I was home.

Now to begin inserting myself into the life of one Sheldon Lee Cooper.

 **Destiny delayed**

Reviewing Nicolette's notes on Mr. Cooper I found a disconnect. According to her journal Sheldon was about to compete his doctorate in mathematics with the intention of moving to CalTech to work on his doctorate in Theoretical Physics.

The first doctorate had never been achieved. I had introduced myself to Sheldon's faculty advisor and stating up front my interest in the genius level mind Sheldon had asked him what he could tell me. The story was pretty dismal. A fellow doctoral candidate had accused Sheldon of plagiarizing his Masters thesis. The University had investigated and determined the charges had merit. After 8 months of investigating the Ethics Board still could not agree on a verdict because of the lack of any notes ever being found to support Sheldon's claims of innocence. Sheldon had demanded a hearing and in the front of the whole board had sat down and had begun to write out his entire thesis with footnotes from memory, his eidetic memory. This with other doubts lead the board to exonerate him. He was offered the chance to continue his Doctorate. No apology for the lost time, and worse no compensation for the money he had to spend while his grant was under review. Livid with anger Sheldon declared that he would never enter the University grounds again. They had besmirched his honor (he actually used that word I read the transcript) and worse yet they had doubted his genius . Sheldon left that University and true to his word never set foot there again. As Sheldon was fond of saying he was from Texas and they knew how to hold a grudge, just ask Mexico. After several interviews at Cal Tech it was decided he would start working on his Physics Doctoral the following year. Since his scholarships had been cancelled due to perceived impropriety Sheldon was having financial problems. His new Grant would cover his work on M-Theory but not his tuition and board. These had to be paid using a combination of work-study jobs, student loans, and scholarships. His current residence was very close to Cal Tech because he did not drive and because of his cash flow issues it was not in one of the better areas of Pasadena. His neighbors were loud and he had to spend long hours either in his lab or at the library to get any studying (and in some instance sleeping) done.

I was stunned. It was like Angelo all over again, a magnificent mind brought low by thoughtless people. I knew I had to intercede. I had failed Angelo, I would not fail Sheldon.


	9. Chapter 9

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Sorry about this chapter, I have re-written it 5 times and it still feels choppy.**

 **Hanging with Mr. Cooper**

My brief stint at Stalag 13 (the nonexistent super collider in Michigan) had already paid off for the University. Since I already had a high level security clearance from the DOD I was asked to study a new jet fuel formula that was supposed to give rockets a larger boost while also taking up less space. This meant either achieving longer burn times or heavier payloads. I had reviewed the specs and requirements of the project and decided it was worth the Universities time to accept this project. I was shown the budget and discovered I was authorized to hire staff from any department in order to get the project done quickly. I had a small problem getting approval to use Sheldon Cooper because of his previous security screwup. After assuring the DOD security team that he was necessary for the completion of this undertaking they agreed to vet him again. Since one of their main concerns was keeping Sheldon away from any more spies I suggested that he move in with me, making it easier for the team to monitor and secure our abode. They agreed. Next I was told there would be a delay in when I could read Howard in on the project because there were still security concerns about his absentee father. Once those were allayed they started running the normal backgrounds on those we met on a day to day basis. With my team approved I then went to Howard and Sheldon to ask them to join me on project Iccarus.

Howard was an easy sell, he was already wrapping up a project for the private sector and was told he could put his next project on hold. He would be ready to assist. Sheldon's interview was a little more interesting. Not being familiar with me I found him pacing my office working himself up for a confrontation in answer to my request for a meeting. When he found out he was there to discuss his joining me on a DOD project, and that it paid well, he seemed to calm down. I told him of the security issues and he turned a little green. He explained his previous problems keeping a secret. I let him know I was aware of the problems that he had earlier and that I had recommended him for that position. Realizing that I had asked him for him, regardless of his past failures, he visibly perked up. I explained about the change in living arrangements and he seemed relieved about vacating chaos central for a more stable environment.. Standard procedure for a DOD project was that we would no longer be allowed to use any data devices except for the laptop provided by the DOD. Email on that device was encrypted and the available contacts were few in number. The DOD would monitor the emails and edit any questionable ones before sending. He was to supply a list of friends and family that he emailed regularly. Any web searches needed were to be emailed to our support team who would gather the data and forward their findings. That agreed upon, and knowing that he was a creature of repetition, I presented him with a daily schedule that included time for work on his Doctorate, and sleep, but little else. He had reviewed the schedule and questioned the daily exercise routine. I explained that the required activity was actually Tai Chi and its main purpose was to reduce stress and clear the brain. I told him that was not negotiable. I explained the security precaution that had led to the shared apartment and let him know he would be treated as a roommate not as a guest. Since we would be working in close quarters for several months I suggested drop the titles and just use our first names. Due to the nature of the work it was decided that I should be his facility advisor till the project or the doctorate was complete.

He agreed to all of it. I handed him his own apartment key and told him to call me Saturday when he was ready to move in. I would be providing all transport since we would be in each others hip pockets till the project completed. Our routine set, we began our unlikely partnership.

I need to get this all down so I will only gloss over the next months. Since Sheldon was sleeping better, eating better, and doing Tai Chi, his appearance and demeanor had greatly improved.

Once I had told him his role was to "do the math" and provide insights on the project his personality began to adjust. Gone were the feral looks, like he was waiting to be attacked. Now he would make eye contact when talking to me. He added more and more information to our daily work reviews once he realized he was to be treated as a colleague not a drone. Howard had remarked several times on the remarkable insights Sheldon would provide. During one of our private talks I had told Howard all about Sheldon's past and what a raw deal he had gotten at "that" University. Since Howard and Raj were spending most of their free time at 4A. Finding a mutual love of science fiction, manga, and comic books acted as a bonding agent for the new group. On those rare occasions we did go out into the public we generally did so as a group. Raj had been upset with all the secrecy about our project in the beginning, but once I explained it was a DOD project he refrained from bringing it up. I also took Raj aside and told him of Sheldon's inability to keep secrets so Raj made doubly sure to never mention anything about us being on a project in case that would spur Sheldon into another verbal volcano, spewing secrets everywhere.

Why go into these details, because I need you to see at what lengths I was willing to go to get Sheldon to his full potential. I had gone as far as to let him believe many of the insightful ideas he came up with were his alone, even though I had been aiming the project with those same insights in mind. Do not get me wrong, Sheldon was a tremendous help, but by allowing him to shine in the eyes of his friends his self confidence began to return. He would never again be the egotistical, self-centered genius described in Nicolette's journal but he could still reach his full potential. Don't get me wrong this was a Herculean task. At times I began to question my sanity at what I hoped to accomplish. At those times I would pull out the picture of Angelo and myself playing at the park and my resolve would strengthen. Failure was not an option so I began to plan the next phase of the Phoenix project (no this was not what I had called it all along, it had no name, blame Fawkes, he inspired me). The next phase was dealing with issues I had no background in so I did what any boy would do who needs help, I called Mother.


	10. Chapter 10

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Thank you bamadude, SRAM, and tonstar17 for reviewing this story and pointing out a slightly different way to push the words. I appreciate all reviews but these were particularly helpful.**

 **Down the rabbit hole**

The teleconference with my Mother marked a large change in our relationship. On finding out the true nature of my call she had become engaged and almost witty at times. She found my revelations about Sheldon to be both interesting and insightful. She did critique some of my conclusions but they were more instructional than confrontational. I began to understand why her classes were so popular at Princeton. Mother reviewed the journal entrees I had for Sheldon and agreed that while the witch hunt had crippled him, he should be able to reach his full potential if in a more secure environment. Explaining my actions to date she warned me that while I was smart to get him into a regimented schedule, I needed to take care not to go too far and end up taking control of his life. That would not be good for his personal growth or mine. Mother stressed that many times. This was the first time I realized she did care for me but was unable to express or show it in a socially acceptable way.

Mother agreed to assist me in my endeavor on 2 conditions. The first was regularly scheduled visits from her so she might study Sheldon's progress. The second was that if she said to walk away I was to do it without argument, no excuses. The next part surprised me when she stated that her reasoning for that requirement was that she was not willing to lose one person with potential while trying to rescue another. Since we had accomplished what I needed I assumed Mother was ready to disconnect. This is when I got yet another surprise, Mother wanted to share information on the rest of the family. Michael was studying for the bar. Uncle Floyd and family were still enjoying retirement in Tuscany. Father was at a dig in northern Italy that promised more data on the lives of the Etruscans. The last news was that Eleanor had been accepted a position at one of the large research firms that was studying diabetes. Mother seemed proud that she had chosen that path. I always wondered how much Mrs. Loletta's death had to do with that decision. Then it hit me that Eleanor's interest in Neurology had never about Mother. She was trying to "save" Angelo. Once she was educated enough to know that the technology needed for his "repair" was decades in the future she instead focused on curing Diabetes, the disease that had taken Mrs. Loletta from her. She was human after all.

 **Badda-bomb**

We were well into the 7th week with no clear results. Our liaison officer, Capt. Wilkes, had informed us that the DOD was considering shelving the project and moving on to other options.

We were all pretty tired and a little angry with our lack of progress. Tempers were short and after a particular lack luster test I sent everyone home. I had to meet with the Dean so Howard offered to drop Sheldon of at the apartment building. You always hear of the fortuitous mistakes. The discovery made by accident. I decline to use those terms to define that night. I had been cleaning up when for some reason I had noticed a miscalculation on our last test run. I fixed the error and mixed a small sample of the "new" fuel to test under the fume hood. I had raised the containment wall and was walking to the Waldo controls when I heard drip. Fans running, centrifuge whirling, and yet I still hear that drip. I had spun back to face the fume hood when I saw the smoke rising from the test tube. I hit the panic button and then everything went blank. When I woke I hurt all over and could not open my eyes. I tried to raise my hand to clear my eyes and found that they were secured to my side. A soft woman's voice explained to me what was going on. There had been an explosion in my lab and after being checked over by the DOD guards and paramedics I was medivaced to UCLA's Medical Centre. It had a secure ward and as luck would have one of the Neurologists on staff had DOD clearance. She introduced herself as Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. I liked her from the start. She told me what to expect and detailed my wounds and injuries. The jet fuel had exploded destroying the fume hood, the containment wall and a good bit of the work bench. Most of the damage I had sustained was not from blast itself but from the damage done by the the percussion. Shattered glass and pyrex shards went spiraling through the room like a mini-claymore mine. I had a concussion, my right arm and left leg was broken. My left hand was covered in a gelatinous goo that was designed to leach out the chemicals my hand had been soaked with. Minute slivers of glass had gotten into my eyes, scratching one cornea and shredding part of they eyelid. I was on a dialysis machine but only to clean my blood of the chemicals I had absorbed while laying on the lab floor. One eardrum had been pierced and I was missing 2 toes from my left foot. There was also a small chance that the chemicals in the air my have mangled my taste buds. Other than that I was fine. Dr. Fowler in tandem with the team of military doctors brought in were tending me and looking for any other damage done. I must say it was interesting being tied to a bed and attended by voices without faces. There was Amy, who had a very dry sense of humor but also was obviously socially awkward. There was Dr. D who sounded like he should be out riding a dirt bike instead of gluing people back together. The there was Nurse Cratchet who never introduced herself but seemed determined to scrap off what was left of my skin. Very professional but also very off putting. Amy brought in her iPod for me to listen to as well as some audible books. She was a great fan of Neil Diamond judging by her iPod collection. So my days went. Being satisfied that I had no serve brain trauma it was decided to move me into the hospitals advance care ward. I was then to spend time with the physical therapist but would still spend most of the time in bed till my eyes recovered. I was into my sixth week of recovery when I heard them come into my room. Raj, Sheldon, and Howard had finally been allowed to visit. Raj was trying to keep it light hearted but Sheldon sounded sullen and tense. Realizing what a set back this could be I asked Raj to guard the door while I talked with Howard and Sheldon. They had read my AAR (military speak for after action report) had continued working on the formula but without me they were spending to much time on the wrong steps. I told them to continue but to focus on the tests prior to the explosion. We could no longer be methodical if we were to keep the DOD from pulling the plug. I sent Howard out of the room and told Sheldon he needed to step up. He could do the math and he was fully capable of analyzing the formula to find a way to maximize the power created and minimize the destruction. I told him of my belief that the explosion was caused by a drop of water getting into fuel mix through the fume hood. His eyes lit up as his mind began to deconstruct our previous sessions and factor in the water droplet (or what might be in the droplet). Doubt was returning to his face so I played dirty. Pretending that the dark glasses were to cover damaged eyes I raised my broken arm and made him swear to finish my project. Do not let my pain be in vain (I actually used those words, not one of my finer moments). I used every cliche and platitude to convince him only he was capable of leading this project to a successful conclusion. His eyes took on a fire I had not seen before and he was already lost in thought determining the next step. Everything was in place and then fate stepped in in the form of Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. Here to check on her favorite patient even though technically she was never my doctor. Sheldon and Amy could barely answer as I introduced them. Sheldon's pupils were dilated and Amy's ears where turning a dark red. Amy was paged by her lab but before she could leave I made her promise to have dinner with us once I was out of the hospital. She became tongue tied but finally agreed. I had her and Sheldon exchange numbers for later contact. The parting of the two was a mix of babble and giggle. I may be out circulation for a while but the work would go on. I couldn't wait to report the latest events to Mother. Her visit was going to have to be sooner than originally planned, then again what better reason to visit that a sick child.


	11. Chapter 11

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **You can't get there from here.**

My life after the accident was filled with small aches and pains. My Physical Therapist had suggested continuing with Tai Chi to keep me limber. He sent a list of the moves I could do safely to our instructor Ted. As my healing progressed he updated that list to include more moves.

Since I was unable to drive and required a van to travel easily, Ted had decided to do an early morning class at the park across the street from our apartment. Sheldon, Raj and Howard still attended, and after a little cajoling so did our downstairs neighbor, Mrs. Vartabedian. Several more of our neighbors joined in and eventual our group was as large as Ted's original group at the campus. As the shyness about my appearance subsided the ladies would ask more and more questions on my state of health. I explained that an acetylene tank had ruptured at my lab and that as a result of that I was injured and my hair and hand temporarily disfigured. There was no permanent damage except for my toes, but there were certain changes made to my appearance because of the chemicals involved. A dollop of the jet fuel had landed on the right side of my forehead removing the hair there completely. It took my already visible widows peak and made it into a mountain top. Here is the funny part, when the hair grew back it was snow white. Most of the doctors agreed I was lucky it grew back at all and if it bothered me I could always dye it. That leads me to my left hand, the one the military had put gelatinous goo on in order to leech the bad chemicals from my hand. The hand itself was unmarked, but looked like it had been bleached. Here is the part that would get me in trouble later. My fingerprints on the left hand were all gone. My finger tips were smooth and unblemished. Even the scar that had been on my left palm since I was 5 years old, was gone. The discolored hand and nails would change in time. This to, the doctors said, should pass. I was not optimistic. Add a pair of dark wrap around sun glasses I had wear to and CalTech now had its own version of the phantom of the opera.

I now traveled everywhere by shoe leather and cane, or I rode the small busses that had been adapted for people with disabilities. What I missed most was being able to read since I had to pace myself till the eyes had healed completely. I know, whine, whine, whine. As Howard pointed out to me everytime I complained, at least I was waking up everyday on the right side of the grass.

As for our DOD project, Sheldon and Howard had stabilized the formula and with our accidental findings was able to boost the power per ounce of fuel used. When Sheldon and Howard presented their findings to me it was like they were children offering up a fathers day gift for the first time. They wanted me to deliver the findings but I refused. Instead they were to do it together, making sure they got the credit they so richly deserved. I was told later by the DOD liaison that our accomplishments were appreciated and that the DOD would be contacting my team and I in the future for other projects. The DOD fuel project completed they removed all of their property from our lab and moved it to the Aberdeen Proving Grounds. Also being removed was the security team housed in 4B, We would still need to curtail travel overseas but we no longer were under 24x7 scrutiny.

President Haskins was ecstatic. The grant money from the DOD had been good, but the agreed upon completion bonus, almost doubled the amount to be received. Add in the fact that the DOD had paid to restore the destroyed lab and you had a very appreciative President Hoskins. He had offered to supply additional funding for my industrial laser project. Instead I used that gratitude and asked him to rectify a great injustice. We talked for hours.

Two weeks later Sheldon was to defend his dissertation to the doctoral committee. Upon entering the room he saw the President was to be part of the committee and a look of panic came over him. I simply reminded him to do the math. He smiled and upon completion was visibly relieved knowing he had done a great job. President Hoskins then asked Sheldon to defend the dissertation he had written for his Doctorate in Mathematics. I had brought copies for the committee and Sheldon completed the task from memory.

Later that month the newly minted doctors were "Hooded" in a presentation ceremony by their respective faculty advisors. Since I was inured President Hoskins personally Hooded Sheldon for his Doctorate in Physics and then hooded Sheldon for the long overdue Doctorate in Mathematics. Sheldon was at last where he should have been, destiny interrupted but not destroyed.

At the end of the ceremony I watched as Sheldon was hugged and congratulated by his family and friends. I watched as Amy gave him a congratulatory kiss and was introduced to his Mom and his Mee-Maw. He looked happy. A day like this needed to be celebrated, so of course we went to the Cheesecake factory for dinner.


	12. Chapter 12

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Sugar and spice and everything nice**

Sheldon was showing his family around the campus so I decided to take the bus and meet them at the CheeseCake Factory later. It is usually only a ten minute ride from Caltech so I was not worried about being on time. It was a typically beautiful day in Pasadena so I sat on a bench out in front of the Restaurant. This was how I met Bernadette Rostenkowski. I was resting my eyes and enjoying the sun when a voice that was sweet and lilting interrupted my daydream. Focusing on what was said, rather than admiring the voice, I realized that she was spewing forth a cornucopia of swear words that would make the saltiest sailor, blush. The current object of her ire appeared to be an automobile that had smoke drifting up from under the hood. In a moment of stupidity I made a comment about kicking it and teaching it a lesson. Major mistake, if a person is melting down you should never give them the slightest excuse to make you the recipient of that ire. She turned toward me. She was 4' 11' at most and was what my Uncle Floyd used to call "a healthy girl". Pushing some blonde curls out of her face, and accidentally smearing grease on her cheek, she was ready to launch a tirade at the interloper. Suddenly she stopped, a look of recognition on her face. She was an undergrad at Cal Tech and had heard all about the mysterious Dr. Hofstadter who had been whisked away by a military helicopter after a lab accident. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked her to join us for our celebration since her Father would not be able to come by till his shift ended. After closing the hood on the car and cleaning up she returned to the bench while we waited for the rest of our party. She was an interesting person. Her father was a much decorated detective for the LAPD. Her mother had been a full time stay at home Mom until her oldest children were able to take care of the younger ones. Being the oldest girl of the 5 siblings Bernadette was often left in charge which she admitted made her a little pushy when things were not going her way. I liked her. Bernadette was trying to determine whether to major in MicroBiology or Experimental Physics. She had admitted she had been trying to get up the nerve to discuss it with me for a while but had shelved the idea after my accident. I assured her I would be glad to meet in the University commons if she wanted to setup an appointment. As an afterthought I suggested she could join me for Tai Chi in Griffith Park any morning at 8 a.m. We could discuss her future over coffee. Recognizing her hesitation I assured her that the group I exercised with usually had anywhere from 10 to 20 people in it and the coffee would be at the cafe across the street. Bernadette admitted that because of her appearance men tended to make passes at her so she was naturally suspicious. Sheldon and his family were walking towards us from the parking garage so I rose and offered her my hand. Unused to this kind of attention she blushed and commented how nice it was to have a conversation with a guy who did not spend the whole time staring at her "boobs". I laughed and watched her blush even deeper when I said that in these sunglasses she could never be sure where my eyes were looking. She was still a nice shade of red when I introduced her to our group.

As we entered the restaurant Sandy, the day manager, greeted us and escorted us to what was commonly known as the over flow room. Its' sole purpose was to supply extra seating for the larger crowds seen at holidays, graduations, and the occasional corporate meeting. I found that Cheryl, my personal favorite, and Kim, had come into work that day because they knew we would be having a party there. Sandy told me with a conspiratorial wink that all the wait staff had wanted the gig since we were so nice to wait on and more importantly, I tipped well. Cheryl grabbed the drinks for her regulars and Kim circled the room taking orders from the others. As requested a fair sampling of their appetizers were displayed on a side table. Next to it was a dessert table containing a sampling of their most popular cheesecakes and pies. Knowing it was Sheldon's favorite I had arranged for a yogurt machine to be standing by Sheldon's table of honor. It was a great event, people mingling and exchanging ideas. I saw that both Amy and Bernadette were standing off from the crowd so I introduced them to each other. Bernadette had heard of Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler and was quick to get her views on the field of Biology. Amy on the other hand now had a friendly ear to ask her many questions on dating to. Delighted to be included in a conversation the two talked till supper was served. I circulated nudging conversations and then moving on. Feeling full of myself I sat down at one of the quieter tables and just observed. That is when Mrs. Mary Cooper sat down next to me, watching me, watching the crowd. Fearing I was being rude I turned toward and she asked me one question. Why? She had talked to almost everyone in the room, getting bits and pieces of the last couple of years and fitting them together. She told me I was the one piece that did not fit. Why had I taken her boy under my wing? Why had I made a point of getting Sheldon's name on any of the papers he and I worked on, when as senior writer I only need mention his contribution? Why, when Sheldon's Mee-Maw had gotten sick, had I gotten hm a plane ticket so her boy could home faster? Why when I thought no one was looking was my limp more pronounced? I realized that there was more to Mary Cooper than she presented to the public. She may have been uneducated but she was not stupid. A lie would be a waste of both our time, instead I told her the truth. Angelo, the vendetta, the journal, the fiasco in Michigan. I told it all and felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest. She thanked me for being honest and assured me she would never speak of this to Sheldon. We were conspirators in raising Sheldon up. She out of love and me out of need to be around true genius. I then realized that the room had gotten quiet. When I looked up most of the faces were turned toward me. Realizing I had been "elsewhere" Sheldon again offered his thanks for being his mentor and more importantly his friend. I must admit I teared up and was forced to remove the sunglasses to dab my eyes.. I heard a sharp intake of breath and saw Missy turn her head in embarrassment. The glasses returned I smiled and thanked Sheldon for his sentiment. At a nod from me Cheryl pulled out the graduation presents that were hidden under the dessert table and stacked them in front of Sheldon. He almost vibrated with anticipation. One by one the people in the room gathered up a package and presented it to him. He made a note of each present and its presenter, thanking each for the treasure they bestowed. A nice pen set from his Mee-Maw. A Messenger bag he had been admiring was presented by MIssy. Amy's gift was a long sleeved Flash shirt, a duplicate to the one Sheldon had as a boy. His eyes twinkled and he blushed as Amy kissed him on the cheek. Howard's gift was a pristine copy of Flash #139, the introduction of the reverse flash, that Sheldon had been looking for to complete his collection. There were only 2 boxes left so seeing that no one was approaching the table I picked up the smaller box and presented it to Sheldon. I let him know that the University was going to offer him a spot in the the Theoretical Physics department studying M theory. He opened the box and held up a simple brass name plate. Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A.,PhD., ScD., I let him know it was for our office door if he took the position with CalTech. He smiled and signaled for Howard and Raj to come over. The last box it turned out was their early birthday gift to me. It was magnificent. I held a cane built to match the one carried by Kingpin in the Daredevil series. The guys then detailed the cane's differences. This cane was cut for me to walk with comfortably. The shaft was made form carbon fiber reinforced polymer that was both light and held its shape. The shaft had been etched with a laser with runes that were simaler to the ones used by the elves in Lord of the Rings. The tip had a replaceable rubber tip to reduce the noise when I walked. The grip appeared to be a giant diamond with its facets so clear you could see thru it. It fit my hand like it was meant to be there. Thru Howard, Raj explained he had hunted thru multiply building reclamation stores to find it. It was the glass door knob from a reclaimed pair of French doors. Using the stress ball I used to strengthen my right hand they made an electronic mold of what the door knob would need to be shaved down to fit my grip. The computer controlled laser had done the rest, I thanked them for their gift and promised to keep it with me at all times. I now understood Mrs. Coopers parting words. I had idolized Angelo and now no matter what I did "that Angelo" would never return. I needed to treat Sheldon as friend or brother, but not as a project. It seemed the more I did for others the more I grew personally. I had sought to be the catalyst for my friends to grow from and instead found that they in turn were raising me up as well. Live and learn.


	13. Chapter 13

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Rambling Ruckus**

I have a tendency to ramble so my short story on why I did not kill sheldon is turning into a novel. I am on my second notebook and I am pretty sure the Padre knows I am not unburdening my soul on paper.

As I am writing this down I find that I need to include more information as almost every individual I have called friend has had a part in my "life of crime". Honestly that is how the DA described our group to the jury.

Life of crime. He was up for re-election and I believe he was using my trial to get his face in the papers. Sorry for the interrupt.

I had left the restaurant after settling up the bill and was greeted by the sight of an oil smudged Mr. Rostenkowski, and the short skirted Missy, leaning into the engine compartment of Bernadette's car. They were talking motors and both knew what they were talking about. I noticed that Mr. Rostenkowski never once looked down the top of her low cut blouse. I decided I liked him, rough edges and all.

I moved up behind Missy and parked myself strategically between her back and the small group of men standing outside the restaurant ogling her. Mrs. Cooper who had been in a deep conversation with Amy had seen my action and realized its cause. She walked up to the men and basically told them to move it or lose it. They scattered under her glare. Raj and Howard had arrived with their cars. Since Missy needed to return to the apartment to change into something clean and I needed to replace the bandage on my eye, it was decided she drive me home (in my car) and the others would return to the University to attend the party being given to celebrate the recently elevated doctors.

I had climbed in the back seat so I could stretch out my leg and guided Missy as she navigated the streets of Pasadena. I caught her glimpsing at me in the rearview mirror and she would quickly look away when our eyes met. It was only a 15 minute drive but it felt longer. The awkward silence continued till we reached the elevator. As the door opened she dropped the car keys and bent at the waist to pick them up. This gave me a look down her low cut blouse that made my breath hitch as I pulled in a little extra air. She fumbled for the keys and then finally grabbed them and stood up. I had honestly tried to look away because she was my friends sister. She was my friends, 5'10" (in heels which she always wore), brunette hair that cascaded down to her shoulders, with long long legs and a figure to rival Penelope Cruz's, twin sister. She had the very definition of an hourglass figure. She also had that sweet east Texas accent that made you wonder how it would sound in the throws of passion. The ride up in the elevator was equally quiet and when she stepped out of the elevator she again dropped the keys, bent over, and again fumbled to pick them up. This time she was facing away from me so my view was of her long, long, legs capped by a shapely, skirt covered, derriere. Even in writing about Sheldon's sister now I find myself still making sure it would be in a way not to offend him.

I opened the door and held it for her while she entered. Still quiet I led her to the bathroom to clean away the grease and then grab a quick shower. I went to my room and changed out the bandage. The eye was almost fully healed and except for a small fold of flesh that bridged the outside corner of my eyelid, and issues with light sensitivity, my eyes were almost back to normal. I swapped out my shirt, slid my sunglasses back on, and returned to the living room.

To my surprise the shower stopped minutes later and out came Missy wearing my robe. I am 5'5" and the robe was short on me. On her 5'9" frame it barely covered what Monty Python would call the "naughty bits". She had not washed her hair only pinned it up while she showered. As she shook it loose I became uncomfortably aware of the effects she was having on me. She smiled and walked to me, standing a little closer than normal. She was not shy about what she wanted. She had seen me checking her out while she worked on the car. She informed me that since I did not make a pass at her and was very careful not to look at her cleavage, no matter how low she made it, and that I had made such an effort to take care of "Shelly" that I might be playing for the other team. She said whenever I looked at Amy and Sheldon I always looked "wistful" so she thought I might be jealous of his new relationship. She had overheard two of the waitresses discuss that Leonard is so sweet, a good tipper and never got handsy with any of the wait staff. When Mrs. Copper was talking to Bernadette, commented how we would make a cute couple when Bernadette admitted to just meeting me today. She revealed that Dr. Hofstadter had been very nice to her, she was sure I was not interested in her "that way". Even Amy chimed in letting Mrs. Copper know that while I was in the hospital I had treated all the female staff with respect and thoughtfulness. She had discussed the conversation with Missy and both agreed that it was not clear on what rocked my boat. This idea had changed when she assumed that since I was standing directly behind her while she worked on the car I must be checking out her bottom. The scenes in the elevator were so I could get a better look at at what she had to offer. I had made no pass so she upped her game to a blatant offer of sex if I wanted her. I stepped back and tried to gather my thoughts. She upped the ante again by letting the robe fall to the floor. I nearly wept. She was beautiful. Then she went a little white and asked if the accident was what was holding me back. I let her know in great detail of what I wanted to do to her at that moment, all of which could be done only with my tongue. Her eyes were dilated and her breathing was getting shallower. Her nipples were stiff and pointing at me. She wanted to know what I wanted her to do. In total disbelief I heard my own voice say that I was her brother's best friend and that casual sex with her would be an insult to that friendship. She did not believe me, she thought I just didn't find her attractive. I looked down and told her if I was any more turned on I wouldn't need the cane to walk. She blushed. Pulling the robe back on she looked at me again and asked what I would have done if she was not Sheldon's sister, and I calmly explained that she would already be bent over the arm of the couch, dress flipped up, panties at her feet while I led her in that prayer to Bacchus, the god of joy, "Oh God, Oh God, oh my God". I expected her to get mad, instead she removed my glasses and ran her finger along the scars there. Then she told me that I was the only true gentleman she had ever met. I told her I was an idiot.

She smiled and went to dress. In the future Missy and I would meet on numerous occasion but there was no repeat of the seduction attempt. On every meeting she would find away to walk up behind me and whisper into my ear a breathy "O MY GOD". A couple of years later after returning from Missy's wedding to a very nice man from her work, I received an email from her while she honeymooned in the Bahamas. It was a picture of a slightly pregnant Missy in a maternity swim suit standing on a beach. She was topless. The caption was OMG. I truly am an idiot.

 **,**


	14. Chapter 14

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **bamadude and SRAM both have asked when will Penny be added. While the story is au , the changes in personality due to mishaps for both Leonard and Sheldon only altered the time line pre-tbbt show . If you hold to canon Penny would not have arrived in LA till late 2006. I need that to stay true in order to fit in some slightly au events that would not happen if Penny was in Leonard's life already. When the gremlin in my head first started this story without Penny, I balked. If I do not finish it the way he outlined it, he makes me dream that I am roommates with sheldon, and his identical twin brother, and there is no Penny in sight. The horror, the horror. Thanks for reading.**

 **Getting Mobile**

I graduated from the heavy wrap-around glasses to a smarter looking pair of transition lenses. The accident had damaged my cornea's after several months of getting a clean bill of health from the optomoligist it was decided it was safe to use lasik to improve my eyesight. Now I only needed reading glasses and of course the transition lenses were able to protect my still light sensitive eyes. Bernadett had picked out the frames and even though they were not the kind I would have normally worn I decided to buy them. I have to admit they fit my face better. I know what you are thinking teacher dating student, how cliche.

That was not the case. Since I could not drive until I was able to bend my left knee my car was just sitting there. Bernadette's on the other hand had not been worth fixing so she was taking the bus to school and to 3 different part time jobs. Solution, Bernadette became my personal assistant. She would drive Sheldon and I to the university everyday and on most days drive us home. The car stayed at her house and she drove it as she saw fit. With what I was paying her she was able to quit 2 of her part time jobs. Our meeting on that day had also paid off in the form of a job at the CheeseCake Factory (Cheryl had told Bernadette that with her looks and sweet attitude she would clean up on tips). The shifts she needed to work were the ones most of the staff liked to avoid and if something came up the management was very flexible as long as you did not abuse the privilege. On top of that she worked Tuesdays which meant she got to wait on that "hottie with a body" (her words not mine) who always wore those tight "hoochie" pants (again her words). Once she found out that "Howie" attended the same Tai Chi class as I did, she started to show up on a regular basis. Hat in hand Howard approached me to see if I was ok with him asking Bernie out (I find this amusing since Howard seemed to be the only one that didn't know that "Bernie" was so upset he had not asked her out yet that she, and I quote "was ready to through him on to the salad bar and ride him like a bronco" wow). I told him Bernadette was strictly a friend and that if he was to date her he needed to remember two things, first, if he wasn't sure if what he was about to say was appropriate, then keep the trap shut (Nicolette had told him this repeatedly while we were at M.I.T.). The second, and most important, was that her Dad was an LAPD Detective who had once shot one of her boyfriends (in the foot, by "accident") when he had driven his daughter home after a date and her blouse was ripped. (Poor schmuck had caught his watch on her blouse reaching across to open the car door because the outside handle did not work). Needless to say her future boyfriends were extremely careful (those that stuck around after the first meeting with her Dad). Howard blanched and in an unusual show of determination asked Bernadette out anyway. Our group had gained another permanent member and Amy now had someone to compare notes with on "boys". I need to make a statement here, I like Amy, she is smart and a bit snarky, and if she learns to socialize a little better she will have a big impact on her field. That said I found it very discomforting to see a woman with a genius level IQ (she said it was 180 but I think she down played it so Sheldon would not be intimidated) giggling like a school girl because a boy had smiled at her. Bernadette was also prone to making ditzy comments when Howard was around but when he was not she showed an acute awareness of the world around us and of the field of study she had chosen. I had even asked her opinion on several projects I was involved with. Amy had commented she would love to give her one of the new IQ tests to see how Bernadette placed. Amy liked giving tests, it helped her quantify everyones place in the world. Eventually everyone had taken the new version except me. To avoid the constant pleading I finally agreed to take the it. I studied examples I found online and was acutely aware that this version was harder to manipulate the score on than the ones my mother had used. Amy was ecstatic when she revealed that my IQ tested higher than was on my records and close to that of Sheldon. She wanted to tell everyone but I posed a question to her. How will Sheldon react to finding out he is not the smartest man on campus. She did not hesitate, she knew that just like her own decision to list a lower IQ for the sake of their relationship, my IQ needed to be the 165 my mother had initially tested me at or it would affect my relationship with Sheldon. Now I had another accomplice in my quest to get Sheldon to reach his true potential.

 **Never judge a book by its cover**

Amy Farrah Fowler had surprised me again. Her visits during that time had been getting a little strange (even for Amy). In one of those rare moments where she and I were alone, she approached me. In true Amy fashion she had posited that her relationship with Sheldon was keeping his attention away from his goals to be the next man to increase, as he liked to put it, "our knowledge of the universe and everything in it". I suggested she read the book that was based on the movie "A Beautiful Mind" and then ask what affect a stable relationship with an equal might have on Sheldon. She never brought it up again.

 **Shake that money maker**

The year progressed. The team had salvaged several DOD projects and one for a private company studying laser usage in mining. The University now had a regular inflow of cash, and even though nothing could be published about the discoveries made for our patrons, the University board was very grateful for our endeavors. Howard had been offered space to create a new engineering lab. Raj had attracted funding for his study of Pluto (which had not yet been demoted from planet to "dwarf planet", and then there were eight, ignore this). Sheldon had successfully headed up his own team on 2 projects and been crucial in "doing the math" for a third. His grasp of M-Theory and advanced Mathematics added him to a very rarified group of minds capable of understanding the work he was capable of doing. His ego had blown up but hanging out with the group allowed him to centre himself and realize the ego was interfering with the science. That was taboo to Sheldon. Knowledge must be increased at all costs (though he did only see himself being the person to do it). What good did it do to be the best if those people you needed to gather data, bounce ideas off of, and generally "do the Math" with, shunned you because you were too full of yourself. That epiphany alone made all that we had sacrificed so far seem worthwhile. Mother agreed, this was one of the major moments in Sheldon's development. She moved up her next visit to Pasadena citing her need to be with me when the leg brace came off. I was actually looking forward to it.

 **Send in the Dancing Bear**

An odd thing happened. A local blogger reported about the "Professor" (which I was not) who was seen to wander around Cal Tech carrying a cane with a diamond grip and wearing dark glasses like Cyclops (obviously he/she was one of my own people,a nerd, for shame). He flew in black unmarked helicopters (once for an emergency evac required by the DOD) and had a chauffeured limousine (it is a Subaru Legacy Sedan, which other than the color black looks nothing like a Limo) driven by a beautiful blonde (Bernadette loved this when she read it) , that no one ever saw leave the vehicle. He worked on nothing but top secret projects (secret yes but hardly top secret), and disappeared from the university for long periods (I am guessing they meant my time in the hospital) and had frequently received well known visitors (I was stumped on this one, possibly my Mother) and dated a super model (there was a picture attached of Missy and I climbing into my car, Missy was very amused). There were other pictures, all with false facts attached to them. The photograph of me entering my secret lab, was actually a picture of me entering the Unisex bathroom near the Deans office. The clandestine meeting off campus was actually a picture of my birthday party at the CheeseCake Factory. The picture of me harassing a waitress, was really lunch at the CCF on a day when Cheryl and Kim were trying to out flirt each other and used me for the test since I was safe. Then there was the damning photo. It showed me shaking hands with my DOD liaison who was in full Dress Uniform. That was the part that caused the University (and myself) problems. Protestors (not many) carried signs that the university should be demilitarized.

Interviews with me appeared on line that I had never given and had all the details incorrect. The University's PR people wanted to know why I was giving interviews without giving prior notice so they could vette the questions. I recommended they read my public school calendar and my work records and see that all of the interviews reported would have to have happened while I was sitting blind in a hospital at UCLA. I was a little annoyed at the tone of the person on the other end of the phone. This persons inability to understand basic English, I mean how many times do they need to ask a question when the answer is always the same. I felt like I was talking to a News Reader. Pushed to the point that I was going to unleash a volley of obscenities, I paused, told them to take it up with the head of the Physics department and then hung up. I refused to take their calls and set my email to auto reply that they needed to take any questions to my department head. Which they did, and I was subsequently called in to see him for "chastisement". Dr. Blake was in his early sixties and was seriously considering early retirement so he could enjoy his grand children and see the world This gave him a kind of laissez-faire attitude about what did or didn't please management. When I entered his office he was reading a report and enjoying it. He looked at me and asked if I had really told Henderson in PR "What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis". He repeated it twice and then told me he was going to borrow that in the near future. I told him I had borrowed it myself and was not sure who the author was. Henry then pointed a finger at me and wagged it at me comically with the comment "bad Leonard, bad Leonard". Chastisement completed he had a few requests for me to help lessen the mess the blogger had started. The University wanted me to dress in suit and tie till the "hooded professor" comments had subsided. They were also going to supply a clearly marked handicapped van to drive me to and from work. I let him know that the wrap around sunglasses would be getting traded in soon. He then asked if I could do without the cane for a while or use one less noticeable. He even offered the use of his favorite twisted oak walking staff until I reminded him that carrying that would just bring on comments about Gandalf teaching at CalTech. He chuckled and asked me to do what I felt comfortable with. Then he dropped the other shoe. The University, because of my new found notoriety (I was sure the next comment would mention sabbatical or visit to the dark side of the moon), wanted me to meet with some of the future undergrads who were going to be visiting our campus and convince them that this was the University they should attend. Their main concern was attracting those interested in studies in Physics and Math, and in particular attracting more women to the sciences. Because of my age, and my newfound notoriety, they thought I would be the right person for this endeavor. I agreed much to Henry's amazement. I told him I was always willing to meet the new minds that would be shaping our future. I saw him right that one down.

Two weeks later after several very disappointing interviews I was delighted to meet with a truly gifted mind in the body of one Alex Jensen. Our interview ran over the time allowed and I noticedAlex's parents were anxiously waiting for her nearby. I walked over and introduced myself though her father admitted he had recognized me from the news. I blushed which made them more comfortable. I told them I thought the Alex would be welcome at any campus and asked if they would have dinner with me to discuss her options. They accepted immediately. Of course I took them to the Cheese Cake Factory and even better yet, a very flirty Cheryl had taken over our table. Before we had even lifted up the menu's the hostess left, Cheryl was over with a sweet tea for me and water for the others.

Flirty as always Cheryl took the drink orders from the Jensen's and then asked me if I had changed my mind about marrying her, I chuckled and replied I was much to old for her. This made her blush and call me a sweet talker. To the whole table she said that she knew I was only 23 , and that I already knew that she was slightly older. Flirting completed Cheryl went off to get the drink order. I looked back to find the Jensen's staring at me. Only 23. I started to apologize till Mrs. Dr. Jensen (I had not thought to ask her first name) waved off my apology and said it was nice to meet an academic who was able to socialize with everyone rather than just fellow academics. I told her it was pure self interest. If I was nice to Cheryl, she made sure to check on me more often and make sure any meal I ordered would not aggravate my lactose intolerant stomach. On top of that Cheryl had arranged for the Dessert Chef to make a basic cheesecake without using milk or cheese and the result had been pretty good. (On a side note the lactose intolerant manager Sandy had tried the cheesecake and liked it, she forwarded the recipe to the home office and recommended the Chef for a raise. The home office had then offered the Chef twice as much money to move to the the home office and design specialty desserts for the chain. Sandy was crushed because she lost a great Dessert Chef but was happy that Moira was getting the accolades she deserved).

The dinner with the Jensens was very interesting. I found them intelligent and well spoken. Dr. George Jensen's time with SETI had at one point had him stationed at a SETI listening post in the Dominican Republic. He had some interesting stories of finding lizards in the strangest places. Dr. Sheila Jensen spent most of her time shuttling between observatories reporting on ways for the sites to improve imaging, increasing funding, and increasing public awareness of what the sites were doing. She had also traded numerous emails with Raj and considered him a friend. She could not understand his refusal to talk on the phone or Skype so I explained his issues with selective mutism. Stealing a line form Howard, I told her Raj was unable to speak to beautiful women. Sheila blushed and got a kiss from her husband. The Jensen's looked good together and they also really seemed to enjoy each others company. I knew at that moment I would never settle for less than that in my relationships. After dinner and dessert had been cleared Alex asked me the big question. Was she qualified to take her undergraduate studies at Cal Tech.. Alex looked anxious. I looked at her and said that I needed her to hear me out before she reacted to what I said.

Then I told her that Cal Tech was not a good match for Alex. Before they could speak I put up my hand and slid the paper I had been writing on for the last two hours over to Alex to see. Mapped out were the pro's and con's of attending several different universities. The conclusion I had reached was that while the undergrad studies at cal tech were good for general physics, the best choice for her if she wanted to be a theoretical physicist would be to attend Stanford. I told her which professors she should study under while she was there, and pointed out that by following a strict course schedule she should be able to complete her undergrad studies and her masters in 6 years. This flummoxed them. I told them Cal Tech would be the best school for her when she wanted to get her Doctorate. Some of the up and coming minds the university now housed should give us the best Doctoral program available. Alex whispered Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper and then blushed. I agreed but also told her of the other great minds that taught and researched here.

That said, reality set in and they realized they would probably need to raise more money to get her into Stanford. Alex looked crushed but again I pointed at the paper. I had written down the numbers of several people they could contact for assistance including an assistant in the Admittance office at Stanford. I pointed out one number in particular. Looking at Alex I told her she must have a copy of her last SAT tests as well as being sure to copy of the results after she took the new version of the IQ test. These people would connect her with financing and grants and had a history of supporting those with great potential. I was looking right at her when I said that. Her mother's eyes were dewey so I looked away. Her father asked about the last two numbers. The first I said was direct line of the financial adviser I used, Mr. L. William Sipes. I let them know he had been instrumental in helping me achieve my goals and could be trusted to handle their money. The last was my personal number and I told him to feel free to call me at any time he wanted to.

I looked over to Alex and could see her eyes welling, which was making me tear up. I said a quick goodbye, turned and walked away. Alex's parting question was how could she ever repay me. That was the easiest answer I gave all day, "Do great things".

Six years later I found out that Alex graduated from Stanford suma cum laude. I felt proud and was touched when Alex came to see me first after moving to Pasadena to begin her Doctoral studies at Cal Tech. Interviewing students was one of the most rewarding jobs I had while at Cal Tech.


	15. Chapter 15

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Sometimes it is not what you can do, but what you have to do.**

It started out small. Bernadette and Amy spending a little more time around Raj. Including him in outings even though they new he would be unable to talk to them. Asking him for his opinion on places to eat, fashion, anything as long as it would keep his attention. I found out from Sheldon that Amy was calling my Mother regularly and that Amy, Cheryl, and Bernadette had even done a couple of girls night out with Raj in tow. I was concerned because Raj had a tendency to "fall in love" with any woman who paid him the least bit of attention (one time he was sure the lady at the lunch counter was his soulmate and all she did was give him some extra tater tots). So of course it happened. Bernadette told me that Cheryl had flurted with Raj (because that is what Cheryl does) and on this particular night she had also gotten very drunk and so she was also very "handsy". Raj was the designated driver so was only drinking diet coke when Cheryl sat down on his lap and announced that she was going to take him home and ride him like a bike. As all drunks are apt to do after drinking too much, she wandered off looking for the ladies room, Bernadette in tow. Amy said later that Raj was smiling from ear to ear. Then he saw Bernadette running toward them yelling for Raj to help her. Raj of course headed for the restrooms while Bernadette was going to get the bouncer. According to what Amy saw Raj had come upon a huge man pushing Cheryl up against the wall, his hand was in her shirt tearing at her bra, and the other hand was under her skirt. Cheryl was crying and hitting him uselessly on the back trying to get loose. Then it happened, in front of women, and stone cold sober, he yelled "unhand her you bastard", and kicked the Neanderthal in the back of his knee. Already out of balance while restraining Cheryl his leg collapsed and he went down on one knee. He turned trying to get up when Raj kicked him again in the same knee, and down the thug went screaming and holding his knee. Cheryl straightened herself stepped closer to the fallen thug (I refuse to use the term Man to describe that kind of slime) and yelled at him that she was not a whore and no one touched her without her permission. The bouncer arrived just in time to see Cheryl drive her stiletto heel into the groin of her attacker. Obviously he screamed. The 2nd bouncer arrived grinning because he knew Cheryl and knew how she would have reacted. They escorted the crying thug out the side exit after taking his photograph to circulate among the other clubs. Cheryl was not going to press charges so the bouncer "Eddie" offered to get her a cab home and send an escort if she wished. Cheryl instead latched onto Raj and wouldn't let go. He slid his coat over her shoulders to hide her torn blouse. The four of them left in the cab dropping Cheryl off first. Amy and Bernadette both offered to stay with her but she just grabbed Raj's hand and asked him to spend the night with her. Raj helped her out of the cab and let Bernadette and Amy know that he would get his car tomorrow, and then made them promise to call him as soon as they were home. Neither of them pointed out to him that he was talking to them. That could wait. After that night Raj was never troubled by selective mutism again. Cheryl and Raj only stayed together for a few months, but every time she saw him after that she giggled and called him her hero.

 **Frankenstein's Sisters**

I had high hopes for 2004. My leg brace was removed (still needed that cane but at least I could drive again). My vision was better than it ever was (except for the light sensitivity). My work was progressing nicely. Howard, Raj, Sheldon, Amy and Bernadette were doing fine. Now if I could only find a woman to love and keep my name out of the newspapers, it would be a great year.

I did not make it thru January.

Amy and Bernadette started on me just before New Years. I was to be repaired and made a viable boyfriend, whether I wanted it or not. Howard agreed that they were definitely trying to fix me, and that my choices were to complain and whine, and then do what they wanted me to do, or just do what the wanted me to do (sorry at the time it sounded right but reading it makes the mind a little squidgy). He suggested the latter since it was quieter and was less likely to cause the ladies to drag him into a supporting role for the building of "Leonard 2.0". I acquiesced and the "find Leonard a mate-athon" began. The following weeks were filled with accidental meetings at the places I went the most often, the favorites being the morning Tai-Chi sessions and my frequent visits to the CheeseCake Factory for meals. I met associates of Amy's from the UCLA biology department, student friends of Bernadette's, and even Mrs. Gunderson's newly divorced daughter. Then the staff of the University, and some of the faculty, piled on. I must have met every single woman between the ages of 18 and 80 (ok not quite that high but it sounds better) within the city limits of Pasadena. I was even re-introduced to my realtor Sasha which surprised us both. While our friends were gathered in a circular pattern (probably to prevent escape) Sasha and I and decided the best way to halt the madness was to let our friends believe they had succeeded and that we were dating.We went out on several occasions and found that we enjoyed each others company. Since we were not in love, we could spend time apart, when needed, without offending our "other half". I would accompany Sasha to her companies frequent parties and she would attend any of the University functions I was told I needed to attend. As always the rumor mill with the help of the same blogger as before, had me as going about town with a Russian Super Model. This of course brought up the old rumors of my nefarious goings on and brought me once again to the attention of the University. Here is what you need to understand, Sasha and I were not in love. It truly was a friends with benefits package. The height difference alone would have kept me from dating her under normal circumstances (you know the old line, when we were nose to nose, my toes were in it and when we were toes to toes, my nose was in it). Like all things public the idea of a short man with a tall woman sparked stories, one of which insinuated that Sasha was a paid escort. This infuriated me so I sued the paper that printed it, refusing their offer of an apology. Llike a retraction would remove that filth from existence. Sasha was infuriated and threatened to kick the writer in the nuts if she ever saw him (she actually used the Russian word for groin but I digress). Sasha's Uncle heard about this and he was livid. Sasha'a Uncle had many tattoos and supposedly was a high ranking member of the Russian mob. He wanted to burn the paper down, with the staff inside. One evening after dropping Sasha off I was approached by two "friends" of her Uncle's and invited to meet with him. NOW. Needless to say it was a harrowing experience which I survived. Her Uncle asked me questions and I answered all of them. He did not like the part where I admitted to being in a friends with benefits relationship with his niece but since Sasha had told him that she would never marry a non-Russian (which he wanted to hear) and that she was only using me so she could attend parties without having to worry about being hit on, I was not held responsible. It was agreed that I would end the relationship and never speak ill of Sasha to anyone. I had told him that to me Sasha was a great lady, who was out of my league, who had dated me for her convenience. I was dropped off at my car (politely) and I never saw Sasha or her Uncle ever again (in person). The next day detectives from the organized crime unit in LA, stopped by my office to invite me to a tour of their offices. I went.

 **Follow the Yellow Brick Road**

The Detectives were quite pleasant. They knew I was not a criminal. They knew that I had not known Sasha even had an uncle. They knew all about Sasha's Uncle Piotr Volkov and were only trying to gather any extra information I had might have garnered. I listened to myself recite the events of the night before and they really were not as scary as I had thought they had been. I let them know that the man I met was call Buss and had no time had anyone said any other names I could recognize as such. Detective Kimble informed that Buss was probably just a title, it was russian for boss. I was positive I had never heard the name Piotr or Volkov during my visit. I could not identify where we had gone because the windows were heavily tinted, but I was pretty sure the meeting was in a Russian Tea room judging by the decor and some of the delicious smells. Both detectives nodded their heads so they must have known the place I was referring to. No one their had threatened me. Buss had mentioned burning the paper down but that might have just been in the heat of the moment. No, he had not forbidden me from seeing Sasha again, but I did get the impression it was very unlikely I would ever see her again. Did I see any weapons or were any brandished near me. No officer, I saw a lot of tattoos but no weapons. I reviewed a catalog of tattoos without recognizing any of them and when I described the one on the arm of one of my escorts. Kemble nodded and I believe the other officer said sped notz. (Howard told me later the word was probably spetnatz which was a unit in the Russian army similar to our Delta Force. Then I was scared again). I talked to the detectives for about an hour. They each gave me their card and asked me to call if I recalled anything else. In the lobby I was met by Detective Rostenkowski, who drove me home. Apparently Bernadette had called him in a panic when I was picked up. Bernadette felt guilty because it had been her idea to re-introduce Sasha. At first he was quiet but after we got into the car he explained to me that I had nothing to worry about. Piotr Volkov was a criminal but he was not an animal. He pulled over and looked at me intensely. If I was contacted by Piotr Volkov, or his friends, I was to tell them everything that occurred at the police station, including this conversation. What ever I did I was not to lie to either side. I thanked him and he dropped me off at my car. Next day I was at the President of the University's office re-hashing the whole story. The next day a rival newspaper released the events being very careful not to accuse anyone but also acknowledging that a computer virus had forced their competitor to temporarily close its doors. Coincidence I am sure. So here I was barely into 2004 and once again my picture and my life was once again in the paper and on a blog.

The new version went like this:

I was a Professor (still was not one), rode in a limousine with one of my students as driver (I was driving my own car and it still did not look anything like a limo), the helicopter I rode in had graduated from being black to being a blackhawk (which is heavily armed), I dated Super Models (Missy's and Sasha's pictures were displayed, neither of their faces were visible, thank goodness), I wore dark glasses everywhere I went to avoid eye contact (they were tinted because of residual light sensitivity), I supposedly had removed the finger prints from my left hand and it even suggested reasons why one would do that, next it said I was under review by the University for having inappropriate relations with my female students (i.e. the blonde driving my car and again I have no students, I do research only). The last is the one the University had a little problem with. it said I was under investigation by the LAPD for possible ties to the Russian mob. It was incredible, whoever this blogger was seemed determined to ruin me and there was little I could do about it. I was with the President and the legal department later that same day.

The next couple of days were miserable. Request for interviews, being ambushed by photographers, one reporter grabbing at my glasses demanding to know why I didn't ever remove them, another asking what had happened to Sasha. Another reporter had pointed out that if I was injured in a lab accident why were there no admission reports from any of the hospitals in the LA basin.

The legal office had found that very little of the accusations were true and none of them were actionable (translation they could not use it against me). My department head , Dr. Blake had refused to have anything to do with any disciplinary action against a colleague "who represented all that was good in academia" (I thought that was a little over the top when the memo hit the nerd vine later). He concluded that if they wished to proceed with their witch hunt, they better fire him as well. He also mentioned wondering what the new mascot would be after the lawsuit settled and Cal Tech was replaced by Hofstadter U.

I really liked that man. The next email to hit the nerd vine was from the President telling the legal department to quit wasting the university time and money combating yellow journalism. He ended his reply with a note to Dr. Blake that his money was on the Badger as the new mascot, because it would never back down. I guess he wasn't a stuffed shirt after all.


	16. Chapter 16

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Bring out the dancing bear, again.**

Having weathered yet another public flogging, I was surprised when Dr. Blake asked me to attend this years donors reception. Apparently my presence had been requested by several of the University's wealthier patrons, so the invitation was really just notification that I was going. Dr. Blake softened this by pointing out that all of the bears would be dancing, not just me. Besides it gave me a chance to try out one of the new suits Sasha had talked me into buying.

The event was held in the Provost library which generally held up to 50 people and had plenty of tables for the buffet items. I was fashionably late and was approached by Dr. Blake as soon as I had taken off my coat (Pasadena is chilly in February but nothing like I was used to from New Jersey). Shaking my hand he began to lead me thru the crowd to one distinguished looking woman accompanied by a much younger woman dressed in business attire and with a shocking head of red hair (the piercing light blue eyes were disconcerting but that my have been because I was attracted to her).

I was introduced to Mrs. Latham and a Ms. Jerry Massey. Jerry extended and shook my hand. Mrs. Latham went right on the attack asking what I turned on first thing when I reached my lab. I knew her by reputation so I had done my homework. I let her know I turned on the helium neon laser she bought indirectly with her generous donation 2 years ago. I admitted turning on the coffee pot next because the laser needs time to warm up. I told her I then dusted of the workbench I intended to mount the new cryogenic centrifugal pump and molecular sieves, I was hoping she would donate this year, so I could use it for Liquid Xenon Purification in order to better detect gamma rays. I never got to the next sentence. She turned to Dr. Blake and told him I was as sharp as he had promised. She then did a surprising thing when she started to reaching toward me and asked permission to remove my glasses. I closed them tight and felt the glasses lift from my face. I then felt a soft touch along the scar and then on the fleshy fold on the right side of my eye. With equal delicacy she placed the glasses back on my face. She admitted that after hearing all about me she was interested to see how much was hype and how much was real. She also admitted to having me checked out to see if the "black" helicopter stories could be true. I told her that all I could say was that I was doing University authorized work for the DOD and was not at liberty to say anything. She smiled and turned to her companion to let her know we were to go mingle while she discussed things with Henry. He actually blushed.

Jerry and I wandered thru the party, meeting and greeting various donors and mingling with my fellow academics. Jerry did not say much just politely introduced herself to those presented. I did notice that she listened intently to the conversation but seldom participated. On one of our walks to the bar she stopped and took hold of my left hand. I realized then she was checking out the slightly tinged skin, smooth finger tips, and my lack of hair on my hand right up to the wrist. Waiting for a comment she instead just released my hand and ordered 2 long island ice teas from the bartender. She then steered me over two adjacent chairs and signaled me to sit. The offer was brief, the R&D division for one of Mrs. Latham's companies had run into serious problems with disruptive personnel, dead ended projects, and had no profitable designs in almost 2 years. They wanted me to take it over. I was stunned but immediately declined.

I told her that my successes were due to a small group of people with common goals but diverse interests. People came and people left. The success of my associates had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the group. She looked doubtful and told me that they had interviewed multiple groups working on projects around the University and while most thought i had little or no impact on their performance everyone they did credit with furthering their particular project was somehow tied into someone in my group or orbiting one of the members of my group. I again told her that my skills were in research not management. Instead I said that she needed to have a study done of the department before and after it had started to falter and see what events caused the decline in creativity. What she needed was a business person with a sociology background. Do not approach it as a human failure but as a environmental issue. She asked for more information but I told her most of what I told her were observations made by Dr. Yu in the sociology department. He and I had discussed how a toxic workplace could destroy a business and being a good speaker Dr. Yu had kept me interested long enough to give me a feel for what he was trying to do.

Jerry had a thoughtful look on her face and I then told her that instead of hiring Dr. Yu away from the University she may want to consider having the university study their problem child and offer internships to students in Dr. Yu classes to be his eyes on site. Once the problem(s) were identified and resolve her company would already have a pool of experts already familiar with the company that could be hired to maintain the environment needed to succeed. She stood up and thanked me. While the evening had not gone as she had planned, she found the end results very interesting.

Dr. Blake had come toward me as soon as Jerry had walked away. Apparently he had been appraised of Ms. Massey's agenda and had told Mrs. Latham that I would not leave the University because I enjoyed being around the students and interacting with fellow academics. She had bet I would take the money. I saw Jerry talking with Mrs. Latham with many a furitive look my way. Mrs. Latham had called one of the wait staff to her and set him on a task.

She then signaled us to come over. I was invited to dine with her on Sunday to discuss the funding I needed. I agreed and was told that her driver would pick me up at 7. Henry on the other hand got handed a black velvet bag that contained a bottle. He slid it out and his eyes lit up. It was not what he expected because the bag was only used by connoisseurs to transport expensive bottles. Held in his hand was a single malt scotch, casked in 1958 by the Macallan distillery. It was the perfect gift for a Scotch drinker. Dr. Blake was an avid fan. He looked to Mrs. Latham and before he could talk she told him that his arranging their meeting was worth that and a lot more. She then told him there was a case in it for him if "worderboys" plan worked. Saying goodnight she then took hold of Jerry's arm and went to thank the Provost and his family for a wonderful evening.

My dinner the next night with her was actually very enjoyable. We did talk about her funding a new lab for the physics department, but we also talked about some other requests she had received from other departments at CalTech.

She appreciated my candor and eventually our conversation turned from work to private life. She told me that she had grown up in Detroit and had come to California to become a movie star. That did not go well but she did get steady work as an extra for MGM. She told of the system where the studios owned the contracts of the people that worked for them and would lend out their stars for the right incentive. Then she had met Mr. Latham. He was smitten at first sight and began to woo her in the grandest fashion. She admitted marrying him for the money, but over the years developed a genuine fondness for him. When he had started showing the first stages of dementia he had wanted to be institutionalized. She refused and remodeled the sun room near the library into his new bedroom. It was always well lit during the day, and if the sundowners was particular bad they would move to the hot house and she would read the business news to him. He was never alone and those that cared for him when she was not there were well paid. It was a very rough time but she had never wavered. I was so moved by this story that I had walked over to her and offered my handkerchief. She dabbed here eyes and we decided to call it a night. On the ride home she admitted that her original interest in me was my remarkable likeness to a boy she had dated in her youth. If he had only had money what would have happened. I told her that that would have been a shame because the path she chose impacted so many lives positively that any other choice would have been a waste. She leaned forward and kissed me. I asked if it was for the one that go away. No she had said it was for the enjoyable evening.

In an aside 2 years later I heard from Jerry in the form of a check for $75k for consultancy fees. Apparently their R&D department was "doing the math". Dr. Blake got his case of Scotch, he told me he got the better deal.

Mrs. Latham and I had dinner twice a year. Always at the same restaurant and always on the same date. I found out later that one was her birthday and one was her anniversary. I only missed dinner with her twice in the next 12 years and both were because I was in jail for killing Sheldon.


	17. Chapter 17

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Realization that what we want is not necessarily what we need**

I am getting too caught up in my memories. The original point behind this journal was to show how even the idea of my killing Sheldon is ludicrous. I would start to write a segment of my life that proves my point and end up spending several pages discussing Mrs. Latham. I do not regret that because she is one of the special people in my life that helped me deal with my feelings about past failures and realize that you cannot be what you were, you can only be what you will become. It made more sense when I read it and I have never been able to find the quote again. Anyway instead of pushing myself to state just the facts I will continue to share the memories that helped me become more. I do not know how else to explain it. I thought at first I could do this by finding another Angelo and protecting him from the "barbarians". What I ended up doing was amassing a group of friends and colleagues I would not normally have even noticed. You know the "bit players" in the movie "Leonard Meets Reality". I apologize for wandering. The solitary confinement is starting to get to me. I seem to do best while I am writing so I will try to keep my entries linear.

 **Seeing a Sheep and finding a Sheep Dog**

I met Stuart Bloom by accident. I had decided to walk to the comic book store to build up the muscles in my legs.

When I got there the windows were all covered in brown paper and a simple sign hung on the inside of the door.

Thank you for 20 great years. Pete. I realized Pete must have been the old gentleman that ran the comic store.

The guys and I had been coming here for years and we didn't even know the owners name. It bothered me. I stood there gawking at the sign as if staring at it would change the meaning. Out of business. I was just about to turn when a voice behind asked me if I would mind standing still for 5 more minutes while he finished a drawing. I realized that when I had approached there had been a lanky man propped up on one of the huge planters that were all along the boulevard, sketching. I could hear the charcoal scraping on the paper and the occasional deep breath as he blew the excess off his drawing pad. It turned out to be 10 minutes but the voice thanked me and I turned to get a better look at the artist. When he stood to shake my hand he appeared to be about 5'9", lanky, with a high forehead, and a smile that had sad trying to push its way to the surface. He introduced himself and we exchanged pleasantries as he did some finishing touches on his drawing.

He showed me his sketch and it was fantastic. He had drawn the store front as it would appear if it were a state of the art comic book store.

There facing the door was Kingpin, diamond cane in his hand and bald head reflecting the sunlight. It startled me at first till I realized he must have been there a while drawing the store front when I had entered the scene. I liked the way his mind spun off from the cane. I was basically filler why he drew Kingpin around me in the doorway. He must have been a DareDevil fan to pull that image so quickly from his mind to the sketch pad. I asked him if I could buy if from him, but only if he signed for it. He blushed and pulled the sheet from the pad. No charge. I reminded him it was unsigned so autograph it he did. He told me that he had graduated from the Rhode Island School of Design but had never done well after because of his passive nature and poor self image. He seemed surprised when he admitted that to me. His Art career was stagnant so he had decided to pool his remaining money and buy this comic store. The sketches were so he could get an idea of what he wanted it to look and to figure out what it would cost to get it that way. We talked some more, trading stories about our lives back east over a cup of coffee. I liked him right away. He was self deprecating but had a wicked sense of humor. He never talked about family but had some great stores about his time at RISD. The conversation was so interesting I was actual startled when an incoming text from Amy asked if they were to pick me up on the way or meet them there. Dinner time already. Rather than end the conversation I invited Stuart to dinner with us and he accepted. He was a little leery of hanging out with "science nerds" but I let him know that more than half of those nerds were also big time comic and SciFi fans. Bernadette and Howard picked us up and by the end of dinner our little group had gained an "artistic nerd". The group was getting more interesting.

Due to their shared interest in the DC verse, Howard, Raj, and Stuart bonded quickly. Once they knew of his plan to take over the comic book store they decided to view the site with Stuart and help him with his decision.

Howard had doubts on the integrity of the structure and Raj had mentioned that the traffic flow along this street was the wrong demographic for what his business would cater to. They had put up a traffic counter near the front door and let it run for 3 days. After reviewing the footage they all understood why the old store had closed down. Stuart was going to need a site that was better suited to his business. Amy and Sheldon pulled demographic reports for the various neighborhoods and determined that the shopping district would be too much money for the amount of traffic it would bring. Then they found it. It was an old realtors office (no not the same one Sasha had worked at) that was on a main road, close to the campus, had it's own parking, and the building's exterior was in great shape. The Realtors site was also near a movie theater that mostly showed classic films that tv could never do justice to. (I had seen Akira Kurosawa's the Seven Samurai there and fell in love with the move all over again). It attracted a lot of the people that would be interested in a comic/graphic novels/anime store. Stuart would have to gut most of the offices to get the floor space he needed but we convinced him to keep the one office that had its own restroom as his office. The drawings he did of the "new" look was eye catching but was not gaudy enough to upset his neighbors. Then the number crunching began. Stuart's vision of the new store was going to be a little pricey for his budget. I was contemplating loaning Stuart the money when a strange thing happened. Stuart announced that he and his new partner, Sheldon, were going to build the store the way he had envisioned it. Sheldon was to be a silent partner but had demanded to be in charge of stocking the shelves (and a 30% discount which Stuart talked him out of because that would affect the profit margin, Sheldon acquiesed). Stuart would later admit that Sheldon was an amazing organizer, and Sheldon that Stuarts eye for detail kept the displays popping.

Raj had been admiring the drawing Stuart had drawn of Kingpin comic shopping. He wondered if Stuart would do one of him dressed as Batman but without the cowl. It was new comic night so we drove Sheldon over so he could stock the shelves and Raj asked Stuart about drawing him.

Stuart agreed to it but let Raj know that he would not draw him as any of the existing heroes out of respect for their creators. Even the Kingpin picture he had drawn had been so as not to show any of the features. He instead offered to draw Raj as a new comic book hero. Raj loved the idea and they began to choose the costume for Raj. Knee high black boots, the faded grey and maroon striped pants that Han Solo had worn in star wars, the double breasted Union uniform shirt that John Wayne worn in "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon", brass buttons and all. Arms crossed, chest out and looking to the heavens.

I have to admit it looked cool. That's when I got my idea. Stuart could draw a dozen of so heroes, in similar poses, and each uniforms slightly different.

He could lithograph the final print and with several dozen copies ready, offer to draw a person features into their own super hero. Insignia's slightly more.

Stuart was unsure if he would have the time until I pointed out he could draw in the features and hire someone to add the color and any other touches the client requested. An ad was placed and after several interviews Stuart decided to hire a gorgeous goth woman, who was very talented, and a little scary. As part of her interview she showed Stuart her comic about her life. He was fascinated on how she drew herself so well while in so many positions. He did find the panels of her having sex with a guy wearing only the top half of a Wookie costume a little troubling. Some things you cannot un-see. Alice had multiple piercings, liked dark clothes and she really was a nice woman. She just would not put up with anyone she deemed fake. (Side note I had made the mistake of referring to her as young lady. She looked me square in the eyes, she's only slightly taller than I am, and announced to the whole store that if I ever use the L word to describe her again she would pull my balls up around my neck like a tie. The boys actually recessed into my body when she said that. I also got looks from some of the patrons and mumbles about being more understanding of alternate life styles. Not that L word you morons. Alice loved it,) At first Alice only worked part time and mostly from home. She progressed to working at a bench on the sales floor (which actually brought in more people), then to being there full time, and last to joining us for dinners on Sundays because Stuart's cousin closed by himself that day. It was an interesting relationship. She updated his wardrobe (not goth), made sure he took his vitamins and what few pills he still needed and brought light to his life. He taught her how to improve her art using knowledge he had gained at RISD and gave her stability. I have to admit I was a little jealous of their relationship. He had lived longer but she had lived more. Together they were a great team.


	18. Chapter 18

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas**

Those of the group not heading home for Christmas break decided to rent a large chalet at Mount Waterman for two weeks. The snow accumulation was fairly impressive since LA was well on its way to breaking the record for precipitation that year and the snow was well over 3 feet by mid November. We ended up with 11 of us sharing 6 bedrooms. The others had paired off so I took the smallest room for myself. It had a fireplace and a view of the valley so it was well worth it.

I ski, but I am indifferent about it. I mean I will take the smallest excuse to stay in the chalet and read in front of the fire.

Why would that be important to my story because that is how I met Maya Dufour, a visiting professor at UCLA, and also on the mountain with colleagues to ski their Christmas break away. Apparently Maya had been skiing on one of the advanced trails when her binding broke. The errant ski then became tangled with her other ski and down she went. She had limped down the trail, soaked from the snow bank she had ended up in, and headed for the first light she could see, which was our chalet. I let her in after two knocks and helped her to amble to a spot in front of the fire place. I grabbed three blankets and as many towels and set out to determine what needed to be done. I had her stand and start removing her clothes, and to protect her modesty I held one of the blankets up in front of me so that she was between the blanket and the fireplace. She giggled at this and continued to strip. After drying her self off and wrapping one of the towels around her head, I wrapped her up in two of the blankets and set her down in the dry chair by the fire. I ran my hand down her leg, checking for damage and looking into her eyes to see if she winced. She was staring back at me just as intently until I tried to rotate her right foot. The word she muttered was in French but even if had not known what "Merde" had meant the look on her face would have clued me. Upon closer inspection I could see the ankle was already swelling and was sporting a nice sized bruise.

I called the Ski Lodge and Maya let her friends know where she was. They had offered to come get her but the local doctor had asked her to stay put until she could get out there and check it closer. She did not arrive for almost 3 hours and by then Maya and I were fast friends. Other that being French Maya was nothing like Nicolette. Nicolette had been blonde and willowy, Maya was brunette and built for snuggling. We spent most of the next 10 days in front of the fireplace, me in my thermal socks and she in her ever fashionable walking cast. We had a lot of good times together but when March rolled around she returned to France. Both of us promised to visit in the future but we knew it was not that kind of relationship. I will say this though, while Nicolette taught me a lot about pleasing a woman, Maya refined that and taught me how to enjoy a woman as well. My friends were distraught that I was once again single. What they did not realize was that with them in my life I was never really alone. Besides I was only turning 25, I had plenty of time to find someone to share my life with.

 **This kind of thing never happens to me.**

My alone time was short. Her name was Joyce Kim and she had been hanging out with the group for almost a month when Maya returned to France. Joyce was unlike most women I had dated in that she was almost 5 inches shorter and lithe. That she was relentless in her pursuit of me had a lot do with my agreeing to go on a date with her. She was interested in everything about me, especially the scars and what had caused them. I would find her subtly bringing the conversation back to that time repeatedly.

During one of her overnight visits Sheldon had complained that I was moving his things around at night had been in his room. At first I put this down to one of his new quirks. Then I started noticing small changes when I woke in the morning or returned from work. Just for my own well being I borrowed one of James Bond's tricks and put a damp hair along the edge of my closed door to see if it was opened while I was out. It was. I remembered that old line "just because your paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you". Using a landline located in one of the radiation labs (lead blocks cell signal and radiation plays havoc with the equipment even at low doses), I called a number the DOD supplied during my last debriefing for just this kind of event. Operator 12 was all the person on the other end said so I gave them my id number. Imagine my surprise when the next voice on the other end was Captain Wilkes and all he said was "took you long enough".

As it turned out Sheldon and I had been under loose surveillance for several months because of the blogger and other odd events in my life that were suspicious. They had found some interesting things. The North Koreans had planted several agents at Cal Tech when the DOD first gave the jet fuel to me to test. Mostly the group seemed to follow, observe and gather intel. It was them that had done the blogging, they had also let the press know various info about me that I could not dispute due to security reasons. The DOD security team believed that they were trying to get me to take a more anti-social stance so they could more easily manipulate me when Joyce Kim started dating me. Whether it was to get information from me or to go as far as to get me to defect they were not sure. Then they told me the plan to get Sheldon away from the apartment for the next couple of weeks. Sheldon had been invited by the Pacific Institute of Theoretical Physics at the University of British Columbia to participate in a symposium on M-Theory. To sweeten the pot the travel arrangements included taking the Amtrak Coast Starlight from LA to Vancouver, and following the end of the symposium riding the ferry from Vancouver to Fairbanks , Alaska. He was to depart in 5 days and would be gone almost 3 weeks. The travel arrangements were for a plus one and Amy had been able to clear her schedule to go with him. They were both looking forward to the trip. The DOD team had big plans for me. I was to fall hard for Joyce and was to offer a demonstration of the rocket fuel I had designed by firing a small three stage rocket off in the nearby onion fields. They would have people nearby at all times but to be convincing they had to be careful. I suggested that we use the highly volatile version of the fuel just in case something should happen. They agreed.

Two weeks later I had finally agreed to Joyce's request to see my work. I was carrying three test tubes of the old fuel inside of a portable cigar case that kept the tubes immobile. Joyce was going to meet me in the park so we could launch the rocket. Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and there she was with a man standing beside her. He was wearing dark sunglasses and a ball cap. Joyce pushed me against the door and the man patted me down, finding the cigar case and carefully taking it out of my pocket. He opened one of the test tubes and dipped a small glass rod into the gel. Sealing the test tube up he then took the glass rod and dipped it into yet another vial that turned grey, then dark blue, and then black. His quick nod at Joyce told me they were satisfied with the product. That is when I saw the stiletto blade in Joyce's hand. This was not to be a kidnapping but a mugging gone wrong. I would die and no one would ever know they had the fuel. I grabbed for the knife throwing myself forward and knocking Joyce's associate to the ground. That is when Louie came barreling out of his apartment and tried to get the knife from Joyce. To this day I am not sure what exactly happened but Joyce had broken loose and rammed the stiletto into Louis's rib cage, he then pulled Joyce into a choke hold and during the struggle they fell back into the waiting elevator. Joyce's henchman was crawling around trying to grab the test tubes that had scattered and hearing Louie and Joyce still struggling grabbed the two closest test tubes and took off down the steps. I turned and saw that Joyce had been unable to break Louie's hold and was dead. Louie still held her tight even though he had passed out. I hit the emergency button on my phone and was instantly talking to the Captain. I told him Louie was bleeding heavily in the elevator and that I was pretty sure Joyce was dead. I had my finger plugging the hole in Louie's chest. The Captain had me hit the down button and then pull the alarm when we were between floors. Five minutes later I was told to let the elevator proceed and the doors opened. We were in the lobby and four rather serious looking men were waiting for us. One was pushing a laundry cart with the logo of a local uniform supply company towards me. Joyce was dumped in to it and covered and one left the lobby for a waiting van. I got a look of approval from Two when he saw I plugged my finger into Louie's wound (I had heard of a sucking chest wound and new if air was allowed in his lung might collapse). Two gave Louie a quick look, plugged and dressed the wound. A moment later two and three left the lobby with Louie between them. Four was pissed. The elevator was covered in blood and there was no way he could clean it out before it was discovered. I asked if they had cleared the basement , finding the answer to be yes I told him I was going to ride the elevator to the basement and he was to open the doors to the shaft as soon as he heard the elevator stop. Once in the basement I popped open the maintenance hatch in the elevator ceiling in time to see Four open the shaft. I opened the test tube missed by the henchman and carefully laid it on the carpet right below the hatch. With the alarm blaring I got out of elevator and let the doors close. On reaching the lobby I grabbed a large bottle of water that was on the cleaning cart and opened it. I told Four that once I dropped the bottle he was to let the elevator close and get the hell away from the doors. He didn't argue and followed me in my dive away from the door. Nothing happened so I signaled him to keep moving. He was just asking me "what the hell" when there was a large whomp and the elevator door bulged. We headed out to the van and he asked me what exactly that was. I gave him the standard response when you don't want to alarm the public. "Gas Leak". He just smiled and we got the heck out of there.

Later that day, after the arson squad and Homeland Security checked out the blast it was determined it was just a gas leak that had been triggered when the elevator had reached the basement. The underground pipe that had caused the build up was repaired. Case closed.

The debriefing on this one was rather intense since no one saw Joyce or her henchman enter the building, security was questioned. Turns out Joyce had taken over an empty apartment on the 5th floor so they could access my apartment with less chance of being observed. It was 4 days before they told me Louie (not his real name) was recuperating and would be vacating the apartment for a new job in Seattle (again not his real destination). I would miss Louie. I mean the sight of a man his size wearing a bright yellow chiffon robe was a bit startling, but he made a great cup of coffee and always had good information on what horse to bet on at the track. Apartment 4B was once again empty.


	19. Chapter 19

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **All the King horses**

I didn't quite melt down, but it was close. My dreams were troubled with flashbacks from the lab explosion, mixed with the fight in the hall, and interspersed with images of Angelo as he lay on the ground bleeding.

Lack of sleep made me irritable and I found myself pulling away from my friends. I knew I was in trouble when Sheldon had found me stretched out on the coach and instead of telling me to get out of his spot he just walked into the kitchen and made us both tea. I felt kind of proud that he was becoming less self-involved. Amy had worked wonders on him, and he on her. He never would initiate acts of affection but he no longer pulled away when she did. I always considered him damaged and now he was taking care of me. When he returned with the tea he sat down in my chair (which I believe is the first time I ever saw him sit there) and explained to me in great detail how Amy was concerned that my recent breakup with Joyce Kim had affected me more than I knew. My refusal to talk about her, my much more pronounced limp, and the most telling act, I was not attending the weekly dinners and gatherings with the group. Amy believed I might be having a delayed reaction to the accident that was exacterbated by my rejection by Joyce Kim. Sheldon was fidgeting, and blinking a lot, usually a sign he was under great stress. I knew his blossoming empathy was playing havoc with his mind. I am pretty sure Amy saw that to, and her solution was to fix me so Sheldon would worry less. I agreed. I let Sheldon know that I was going to take a sabbatical from the University to travel to Italy and see my Uncle Floyd and my cousin Angelo. Sheldon was delighted and made me promise to check in frequently and that to ask if it was ok for Amy to move in while I was out of town. I offered to clear out space in my room for her. He said that would not be necessary. I really had not been paying attention lately because I did not think Sheldon was going to be ready with that level of intimacy for years yet. Good for you Amy.

The University was very accommodating and allowed me to turn over the two projects I was working on over to my team. I would still be available for consults so the contracts we had signed with our private sector partners would not be violated.

I was walking out to my car when a black SUV with heavily tinted windows pulled up be side me. The passenger window opened and there sat Captain, correction Major Wilkes and he was not smiling. He asked me to climb in so we could talk.

He hemmed and hawed but the final message was that the DOD was concerned that I might be suffering from PTSD and wanted me to voluntarily sign myself into a clinic that specialized in wound care and prosthetics under the guise of working on my leg. There I would have my wound studied to determine why the limp was getting worse and I would also be have some sessions with an expert in dealing with PTSD. I tried to beg off siting my trip to Italy and was informed that would be waste of time since my Uncle Floyd and Aunt Marie where on their second honeymoon and were currently following the path Marco Polo did when he made his historic trek along the silk road to China. They would be gone for 3 months intending to tour the orient and visit the sites they had only read about. I told them I was mostly going to see Angelo and was told that while they did not know where he was they knew he had not been in Italy for more than a year. Since there was no point to my original plans I graciously accepted the DOD's offer. I asked about travel arrangements and was told we were on the way to the airport where I would catch a flight to Oahu. I would be flown to the Honolulu airport and then driven to the clinic. Then he handed me a copy of my orders in case any military personnel questioned my actions. I said I needed to go home to pack and he said my bags were already in the SUV. That is when I really got suspicious. After several minutes the Major blinked and then told me the reason for this visit to the clinic was because they had received intelligence that a high level North Korean operative was in the LA area and all the agency's were scrambling to find out why. Since recent events may have made the North Koreans interested in me it was decided I would appear to be headed for Italy.

The original plan had been to store me in a safe house while my double goes to Italy but the PTSD scare had changed the safe house to a secluded clinic used for wound care for veterans. The Major continued talking to me, but I have to be honest I do not remember much. Suddenly we were pulling up to one of the remote terminals, and after the driver showed his id to the guard, the gate was opened and we drove around to a door marked "Active Duty Personnel Only". The driver hopped out of the vehicle, grabbed my bags from the back and then punched some numbers into the pad next to the security door. He disappeared inside and a moment later returned with an Air Force 2nd lieutenant. The lieutenant came to attention and snapped off a smart salute to me. The Major informed him that I was a VIP but not military. I was also asked to not give out my name to anyone till I arrived at the clinic. He then handed the lieutenant yet another packet with his orders and wished me safe travels.

The lounge the lieutenant led me to had your basic airport seating with the addition of some cots for those with a long layover. There were a dozen men and women total, a mix of army, marines, navy, and one Airmen. I was lead toward a Colonel that was obviously our pilot. He was quietly explaining to a red faced Army captain that while his orders did say the Captain was to be transported to Hawaii with all speed, his orders were to take a high priority passenger to Honolulu. He could not take anyone else without permission from the DOD. The lieutenant saluted the pair and then handed my orders to the Colonel. He read them and was disconcerted that the only identification he got was a picture of me. I explained that I too was under orders to fly incognito and could not identify myself. The Captain looked me over and then restarted his conversation with the Colonel. The Captain and the others had their flight delayed due to engine troubles. To get transport thru a normal airline would require a day to get the vouchers created so they could fly commercial. I looked around and some of these people were sleeping but all looked tired and travel weary.

I asked the Colonel how many passengers the plane could carry and he informed me that the C-37B's could carry 18 passengers and 3 crew. I asked him if my orders would allow me to bring the Captain and the others with us. The Colonel smiled, took a second look at my orders and let me know the Air Force had been tasked to render all aid and assistance and mentioned nothing about limits to that aid, so yes I could invite guests if I wished to, "Sir". The sir surprised me. I turned back to the occupants of the room and told them I was going to Honolulu, did anyone need a ride. The whoop of approval startled me. The Captain barked out "off your backs and grab your sacks, we are moving out". The line by the door was already forming and the attendant was noting those loading onto the plane so their orders could be updated. The Colonel led me to a bench seat in the front of the plane and thanked me for looking out for the troops. I told him it was my honor to be able to help in anyway. That was how I ended up flying across the Pacific with some of America's finest sons and daughters. I watched them carrying on like kids on a lark, so young and with so much horror in their lives. I began to look at my cabin mates. Two of them were wearing prosthetic legs, a third had a harness under his shirt that spoke of a prosthetic arm. Captain Kelly walked towards me carrying two bottles of water, one of which he offered to me. I asked him to sit and he thanked me for interceding for the troops. He did not ask me for a name but instead said that he had met many spooks in his life but I was the first who wasn't nondescript. He pointed at the white lock of hair and the cane and pondered why I would make myself so memorable. I laughed and explained that I was no spook, just an ordinary guy following DOD instructions. The Marine Lance Corporal sitting across from me opened her eyes and told the Captain that I was no spook and was about to continue when the Captain held up his hand to halt her explanation. I was kind enough to offer them a ride so he thought they should keep with the DOD plan to fly incognito. That way no one raises a fuss and the Colonel would not have to explain why all of them were allowed on board. The Corporal nodded completely understanding the need for PYA on a flight like this. At that point the lieutenant came out of the cockpit to let us know that there was food and drinks in a cooler in the back. The Captain asked the Lieutenant if he could move some of the troops back to the sleeping area and the Lieutenant told him where the blankets and pillows were stowed. Once he had verified the passengers had settled in the Lieutenant returned to the cockpit. Taking my cue from the corporal I closed my eyes. For the first time in weeks sleep came easy.

I was awoken by the embrace of Corporal Everett who kept telling me again and again that I was safe. It was just a nightmare. The lights were blinding me and my glasses were gone. Realizing what I was searching for she pulled a pair of desert grade sunglasses our of her kit and slid them over my eyes. A braver man would have pulled away from her, but I was not brave. I clung to her like a child till sleep returned. When I woke up later no one mentioned the incident. Corporal Everett was once again in her seat, eyes closed. I took my turn in the head and returned in time for the Colonel to announce we were on final approach. I was looking forward to the clinic, I needed help.


	20. Chapter 20

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **No good deed goes unpunished**

I knew who it was before the Lieutenant handed me the sat-phone. Major Wilkes was not amused, I can still hear the tautness in his voice when he said "Holy crap on a cracker Hofstadter all you had to do was get on the damn plane. Instead you conscript a light platoon, and the war hero nephew of the Governor of Hawaii. Are you trying to kill me?" . Seems I had drawn attention to his plan to slip me into Hawaii, unnoticed, and seconder me to the clinic. Now reporters were waiting for the plane to land with questions like "why is the governors nephew being shuttled in a Gulfstream when there is public transport he could have taken? Why are a platoon of soldiers being secretly transported to Pearl Harbor? Why were their families not notified of their return". You get the general idea. Realizing my actions would make the Major and the Military look like they were wasting tax payer dollars, I threw out a scenario he might based on comments I had heard in the bull sessions the soldiers had. Staff Sergeant Rodriguez was heading home on compassionate leave to be at the bedside of his dying great grandfather. The great grandfather was a retired Gunnery Sergeant who had fought at Iwo Jima. Tell the public that General (your name here) upon hearing that Rodriguez had been stranded due to engine trouble, had arranged for the soldiers to deadhead in a C-37B that had been scheduled to return to Pearl Harbor anyway. Nice and neat. Wilkes jumped on it but had to check the facts before any announcement could be made. His parting words were more of a prayer than a request that I just keep my head down from then on. I did.

When the plane landed Rodriguez was swept out of the plane and into a waiting staff car which, with a police escort, quickly delivered him to the hospital. I was stashed in the sleeping compartment while the Captain and the others "de-assed" the plane. Once the plane was in the hangar, I was escorted to a waiting military short bus for delivery to the Kapule Medical Centre. On board was Lance Corporal Everett smiling , feet up and ready to travel. To my surprise the bus left the base and headed down the coast road. The view was spectacular so I pointed out a particularly beautiful stretch of beach and the Corporal declined to look saying if she never saw sand again she would be delighted. The rest of the trip to the clinic was quiet.

When we pulled off of the highway we went down a narrow paved road thru cultivated fields that had people busily tending them. At the end of the road was the most beautiful old plantation house I had ever seen. Large front porch that had lots of small tables and lounge chairs for those so inclined (and quite a few were that day). The inside looked like a well kept up home rather than a medical centre. I was informed by the orderly that was checking us in that the plantation actually belonged to the Kapule family. Makoa Kapule had opened his home to military personnel who were displaced or slightly wounded during the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Sadly enough Mr. Kapule had lost both sons when the Arizona was sunk. He continued to offer the plantation house for the care of the wounded even after the war ended. Realizing that if he left the plantation house to the government it would end up being sold or made a hotel for visiting dignitaries, he arranged with his attorney to lease the house and its surrounding beach and gardens to the Military for one dollar a year as long as the place was used as a treatment centre for Military personnel. The Navy had been leasing it ever since though all the branches of the Military were treated there. Kamp Kapule, as the attendant liked to call it, was a great facility for those needing prosthetics and wound treatment. It was also a great place to de-tox before returning home.

I was being escorted between rooms to present my papers and to meet the people that would be working with me when I walked in on an argument between two staff members. One of the new patients was going to need special bedding because he did not move around at night which could lead to skin breakdown and eventually bed sores. There was only one dolphin bed available (I looked that one up they were original designed so the military could transport dolphins safely for various tasks they were trained to do). The bed was motor controlled and a computer would increase or decrease the pressure in one section of the bed , while maintaining a consistent pressure everywhere else. Basically it was a Fluid Immersion Simulation that had been highly praised for use for those patients that were bed ridden. The patient currently using it was doing so only because it was the largest medical bed they had available when the 6'3" Marine had arrived. Being good with spatial relationships I suggest they give the Marine the Queen size bed I was using and give me the smaller (by the Marine's standards) bed. Problem , solution. Everyone was happy. The whole chain of events got me to thinking so I casually got into a conversation with one of the older floor nurses (the younger ones tended to be leery of conversations with the male patients). What I found was that they were well staffed but due to old equipment and under funding they could not purchase the proper beds to care of additional patients. I found that most of the staff was proud of what they did and resented the fact that beds were keeping soldiers from getting the care they deserved.

Knowing that my email accounts were probably monitored I logged into one of the public laptops setup in the lobby and created a new account for Michelangelo Loletta (I am sure Mrs. Loletta would approve) and sent an email to an old email address my Uncle had used to accept orders or to deal with financial arrangements. They had always been monitored by Mr. Sipes so I put in an order to purchase 20 dolphin beds and asked for terms on the purchase. Even if someone was monitoring Uncle Floyd's email accounts it would appear to be just an email sent to the wrong vendor.

An hour later I got a reply that while they had no beds to sell, I could lease 20 of them for 3 years (which included maintenance and upkeep provided by one of their technicians. He gave me the price range and reminded me that the final location would affect the lease price. I replied back to him that it would be for our facility on state road 50 in Arizona. I asked him if my credit would be able to cover the lease. His reply back was that my credit would more than cover the lease but that he suggested shipping it from the warehouse in Utah or Oklahoma. He would begin the process and would wait for the final order before shipping the goods. I knew Mr. Sipes was well versed on the 2nd World War and me mentioning SR 50 (Hawaii was the 50th state) Arizona and he mentioning Utah, and the Oklahoma meant he knew I was in Honolulu. The man would have made a great spy. Now all I had to do was figure out a way to give the beds to the facility without running the risk of the beds being sent to some military country club hospital so some general could get a good nights sleep. I was out walking because that always helped me think when it struck me. If I could get the Kapule family to make the beds part of the lease, then the beds would remain where they were needed. I could set up a trust to pay the Kapule's the lease cost each year. It just might work. It was late so I returned to my room and turned in for the night.

I was woken up by sound of a woman, in my room, swearing. I was in a private room so I knew it was not one of the night staff. I flicked on the light. In front of me stood Marine Lance Corporal Colleen Everett and all she was wearing was her prosthetic leg. She told me not to read anything into this and started taking off her prosthetic leg. Apparently she liked to be on top and she had not quite gotten used to wearing it during sex. As I lay there looking up at her kneeling form I realized she was beautiful but in a way I was not used thinking of. She was 5" taller than me, well muscled, and probably had 40 pounds on me. She pulled the sheet off of me and commented about the spider man boxers. Then as she straddled my body she looked down at me. She knew that I wanted this too but she told me that after we left this clinic we would never see each other again. She was satisfying an itch, nothing more, so if I wanted out I needed to say something now. I looked up at her, fearless warrior but also a woman afraid of rejection because of her wounds. I tried to talk but gave it up. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her into a deep kiss. The prayer to Bacchus, the god of joy, was repeated several times that night. Colleen visited me almost nightly and not once did I have a nightmare. Thank you Lance Corporal Colleen Everett where ever you are.


	21. Chapter 21

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Putting Humpty Dumpty together again**

My one month visit turned to two, then three, finally after 4 and a 1/2 months the psychologist, Dr. Howard,and I agreed that I was ready to return to my home. In our wandering path to my mental health wellness we discovered many things. The Doctor admitted early on to reading the books my mother wrote to give her a better idea of what my childhood was like. She congratulated me on dealing with my childhood and went as far as saying that if the incident with Angelo and later Joyce had not occurred I would have never needed her assistance. She was surprised that with such a domineering figure as my mother that I had not stayed at home or the reverse side of the coin only dated woman I could easily dominate. Instead each of my partners had been woman of strength, faith, reason, and keen insight. During our conversations over the months she gotten me to reveal the intimate details of all my relationships. She summed up my love life as follows, I had eleven lovers (and a few one night stands), yet frequently reported feeling alone during my short life. My lovers were various shapes, sizes, hair coloring and ages. I didn't seem to have a type. The she told me something that I had never realized, with all the women I had dated, I had never been the one to initiate the relationship. My life was a series of woman who sought my company, sought a physical relationship, and eventually left. Always on friendly terms. Most curious was the fact that while they left me, should our paths cross I would let them back in. I had never romanced a woman, they had always romanced me. Dr. Howard went as far as saying that if I had been a woman in the 50's I would have been what was often called a practice wife. Romanced, loved, but never quite sealing the deal. The doctor believed until I found that one woman that I pursued aggresively, meaning not me not waiting for her to come to me, I would probably never form a long term romantic relationship. On my last day she meet me on the terrace and as an Airman loaded my bags into a black sedan, she turned to me and kissed me on the cheek. She put her card into my pocket and told me to call whenever I needed to. I climbed into the car and sat quietly as we headed back toward Honolulu.

When the car stopped I realized we were not at the airport. Instead we were parked near the slips of some very expensive boats. The airman held the door open for me and handed me a manilla envelope with a small seal that said Hawaii National Bank. The airman assured me that this was just a quick stop to build a cover for when I returned home. I was to take the envelope and walk down the dock keeping the right side of my face toward the restaurant area of the Hawaii Prince Hotel. Dock 8 I was to walk down four slips to 807. I then needed to turn the rightside of my face back to the restaurant then yell "ahoy the boat". A woman would jump from the boat to the dock and approach me. I needed to keep her face blocked by mine. She would lean into kiss me and I would hand her the manilla envelope with the Hawaii National Bank sticker toward her but with the label facing the restaurant. She would talk to me for a minute and then I was to pass her a second envelope from which she would pull out a passport. I must be sure to be out of the way when she opens and checks the pages. She would give me another kiss, she would release all the moorings and while I held on to the deck railing she would climb back in the boat. I would then walk back to the car, again being sure to keep my face toward the restaurant. When I got back to the car the airman handed me yet another envelope and we drove to the airport.

My trip back was on a commercial aircraft and I was in first class. The flight was uneventful except for the newlywed couple seated to my right and one row up. They were taking a number of selfies and the flash they used blinded me several times even thru the sunglasses. I turned my head away and promptly went to sleep. Now your asking yourself why did I go along with this. Frankly at this point I would have tried to swim home with a fresh steak tied to my neck. I was sure the "spooks" new what they were doing.

 **The lunatics are running the asylum.**

The arrival gate was a zoo. Apparently the newlyweds photos fed to their Facebook page which then fed to all their friends accounts, which when one of the CalTech students re-posted it the facial recognition software identified one Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and attached the name to the photo. That got reposted. Social Media at its finest. Two members of the LAPD detectives bureau also got the news and were waiting at the arrival gate to question me in connection with a missing person. The press was there for the same reason. I hadn't been in the police station five minutes before Major Wilkins arrived with the the California States Attorney and his local Federal counterpart in tow. The detectives were not happy.

An argument ensued and at my insistence it was decided I would answer the detectives questions if they were provided in writing and were checked by the Attorneys so that I did not accidentally reveal any classified information concerning the DOD and their projects. The list was provided and a number of the questions were struck for, you got it, national security reasons. I answered each question truthfully.

Did you kill Joyce Kim? No.

Do you know where Joyce Kim is? No .

Was I aware of anyone holding Joyce against her will? No.

Did I know where she would be in the future? No.

Was I waiting for her to call me? No.

Did I expect to ever see her again? No.

Did I take Joyce Kim across state lines for immoral purposes? No (the Mann Act, really, in this day and age).

Was that me in the photo's marked a12, a13, and a14? Yes.

Where is the boat in that picture? No idea.

Who did the boat belong to? again no idea.

Was I aware that they had been trying to locate me for three months in order to question me about her disappearance? No.

Did I flee to Italy to avoid prosecution? No.

Was I aware that Joyce's family had been trying to contact me? No and I added that Joyce Kim had told me she was raised in an orphanage outside of Seoul. (That one got their attention)

Major Wilkins leaned forward and turned off the recorder. He asked the detectives to turn off the cameras and then told them the information I was not allowed to share.

Dr. Hofstadter has been under tight security since the "accident" at his lab. The two detectives looked at each other, they knew that that meant the accident was still under investigation. At no time was I ever observed hurting or offering Miss Kim harm. Miss Kim's disappearance was of interest to the government. The icing on the cake was when he said that all I was guilty of is serving my country and being too easily gulled by woman. I blushed, both detectives noticed this. The California State's Attorney signed a sheet of paper and I was released and thanked me for my assistance. The news release would say that as far as the State of California was concerned Joyce Kim had left on her own volition and was not the victim of foul play.

I was not even back a whole day and I was already tempted to just hop on a plane and go back to the clinic. Instead I went home.

 **Situation Normal all Fouled Up**

The first thing I noticed when I stepped into the apartment building was that the elevator doors were new and had Caltech sticker in the upper left hand corned that said designed with safety in mind by the Engineering department of Caltech. I pressed the elevator call button to go up and heard nothing till the doors opened. It was incredibly quiet and other than the soft ding before the doors opened made no discernible noise. I was startled by the appearance of Mrs. Vardebetin as soon as the elevator doors opened. She smiled and gave me a hug and pulled me into our apartment where she exclaimed to everyone "Look who I found". Everyone turned toward the door and almost in unison called out my name. It was kind of surreal. There was a long thin table running down the centre of what used to be our living room. A hodge-podge of chairs lined both sides and on the table was a typical thanksgiving meal for 15 people. At one end Raj stood, patiently slicing up a Turkey. The others that had been scurring like ants bringing dishes and drinks to the table and then slowly began to take their places along the sides of the tables. I was introduced to the three strangers in the room. Priya Koothrappali, Raj's baby sister and doing an internship at a large Indian car company, Rebecca Moffett a Phyics undergrad and a member of Sheldon's newest team, The last was Brian Dayley, a graduate student working on a study with Amy's team. Properly introduced, Mary said the blessing and we dug in. Sheldon who was sitting across from me explained that this was an early thanks giving meal so that we could celebrate together before the Thanks giving break sent most people home. The dinner today had not been a happy coincidence, Major Wilkins had told them 2 weeks ago I would be home today. He also explained that I had been working on a classified project and would not be able to talk about the last 4 months. Then the major had apologized for the ruse (post cards supposedly written by me, mailed to my friends from 7 different countries) that they had perpetrated in order make it appear I was indeed traveling. We talked, the easy banter of long time friendss returned. Howard told me of the weird turn of events where a project to study a new elevator for high rises was tested her because the building structure was similar to the one the project was for. Sheldon told me how the elevator had magnetic locks so if the power shut off the brakes would lock making it impossible for the elevator to move till power was returned. He claimed it was the only elevator he had ever felt safe in. Sheldon had turned to Rebecca to help her to clarify a point she was trying to make, and I looked around the table and realized that Mother, Amy, and Mary had all been studying me. We did not speak but Amy smiled, held her glass up in salute and took a drink, we all joined her. Things between us were not great but they were better.

Fate was not done with me yet and the following day we heard how one of the more enterprising news agency used facial recognition software to scan any publicly shared pictures taken in the Honolulu area in the week before I had returned to Pasadena. People loved to take pictures when they visited Hawaii. Family pictures taken in the restaurant of the Hawaii Prince Hotel in Waikiki had been published on an open account they had with Flickr. The software found two likely hits so the search was spread to cover an hour either way. Six more photos had been found clearly showing me walking down the peer and handing something to a young lady. There it avalanched. The search was spread to five days before and a young woman was pictured climbing in and out of that boat several days prior to my visit. The LA News readers were announcing that Caltech's bad boy of physics had been caught in yet another clandestine affair with a much younger woman. The various versions floating around was that the boat had been our love nest for the last four months . Yet other pictures surfaced of me in Italy, Singapore and New Zealand. One newsie had jokingly suggested that I might have invented a teleporter.

Then the search revealed a picture from the dock that was of high enough resolution that the face of the woman could be seen clearly. She was identified by one of her dorm mates as the missing Joyce Kim.

The States Attorney had a press conference. Stating that the pictures of Miss Kim in Hawaii could not be substantiated. The woman in the pictures left in the boat under no obvious duress. It would be up to the state of Hawaii and Miss Kim's family to decide how to proceed. I was to be thanked for my assistance in resolving the issue.

The newsies pouted about the loss of their great story but a week later a private investigator sold his exclusive story to one of the entertainment shows. He had been hired by people claiming to be the family of Joyce Kim and that he had had traced her to a marina in Long Beach where he had lost her. He had sent in his report and a bill for his expenses and the letter was returned with a message that the addressee was not found at that site. He had been stiffed on the bill. He also revealed that as far as he could tell Joyce Kim only existed on paper before she became an undergrad at CalTech. He believed she may have been hiding from someone. That could be the only other reason for someone other than family spending that kind of money to find her.

The press was of mixed opinions on me. I was either the dupe of a con artist, or I had helped my lover escape those members of her non-existent family that were looking for her. As before I said no comment and stayed in my lab as much as possible. I knew eventually someone else would catch their interest and the press would go feed off of them instead.


	22. Chapter 22

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Apologies on the delay, there was a slight difference of opinion on who went next and Mrs. Latham won. For any of you that might be interested you can checkout the "Library" at w ww dot athenaeum cal tech dot com it is worth looking at.**

 **Homeostasis at last**

The arrival of 2006 found me relaxed. My research into Paradoxical Moment of Inertia Changes Due to Putative Super Solids was going well. Projects were being offered to me. No one had taken my picture in almost two months and January 31st was approaching, Time for my annual birthday dinner with Mrs. Latham at the at the Athenaeum.

I always looked forward to our "date" because Mrs. Latham was witty, funny, and insightful. Our conversations were never dull and her recollections of her early life were often risqué but never boring. I was still at the campus so I declined her offer to send her car and simply walked to the club. While the temperature had been in the low 50's all day, the sun had just set so the temperature dropped to a brisk 42 degrees. The Athenaeum was only a 20 minute walk from the lab so the exercise and the suit jacket kept me comfortable. Since I am a member of the Club i did not need an escort and just climbed the steps to where Mrs. Latham and her party were already seated in the "Library".

The Library generally can seat 30 people but tonight two of the tables had been removed. When I arrived, Jerry Massey stood and then kissed me. A nice welcome indeed. I am not sure why but when Mrs. Latham held our her hand in welcome, I bent at the waist, took the proffered hand and kissed it. Never one to be caught of guard Mrs. Latham accepted it like it was an everyday occurrence. As hostess Mrs. Latham introduced me to her other guests, President Siebert and his wife Rosalind I already knew. Next to them were my department head Dr. Blake and his wife Lorraine. I was then introduced to the Peterson's, Norman and Vera, who were two of Mrs. Latham's oldest friends. When I had turned far enough to see who it was sitting next to Jerry, I was greeted with an out stretched hand, palm down, that was waiting to be kissed. I held the hand lightly and touched my lips to the back of it. Blonde and willowy as ever Nicolette stood and I pulled her to me for a full kiss. Judging by the looks I was getting from the rest of our table I quickly explained that I knew Nicolette from my days at MIT. Jerry's look was troubling. It appeared she was jealous of my relationship with Nicolette. Then I got it. She was upset that her lover had had a previous relationship with me. I backed off from her and quickly explained that Nicolette had been doing a study of "Genius" for her Master's thesis and I was one of the people she interviewed at MIT. Jerry visibly relaxed and Nicolette gave me a grateful nod for understanding the situation and reacting accordingly. I took my place by Mrs. Latham and did not seek out Nicolette's attention during the dinner party.

Dinner at the Athenaeum is always an event but tonight the meal was taken to whole new level with the desert. The pastry chef had created a Coconut-Almond Cream layer cake (Mrs. Latham's favorite) in the shape of the terraced gardens she adored. Coffee and liqueur was served in blends that actually enhanced the taste of the cake. It was delightful. Mrs. Latham was beaming. A small cart was brought out holding various brightly ribboned gifts. Jerry brought them to Mrs. Latham one at time in order of seating at the table. As I was the last one in the order all eyes turned to me when no package was found. Mrs. Latham, never one to miss a barb, accused me of holding out on her. I let the table know that originally I had intended to offer my present in a less public place but Mrs. Latham told everyone she had no secrets. I stood up and stepped behind her chair, asking her to close her eyes I pulled a fine gold chain from my pocket and gently clasped it around her neck. On the chain hung a gold ring with a dark inlay. The table's interest was piqued so I asked Mrs. Latham to open her eyes. She felt the chain and ran her fingers along it till she felt the ring hanging there. At first she was confused (she admitted later she was trying to figure out why a man almost 40 years her junior was giving her a ring), then she got a closer look at the ring and her eyes began to well up. She stood up and asked Vera to accompany her to the powder room. Jerry leaning forward in her chair answered the question that everyone was thinking. Jerry pointed to a portrait on the wall of a younger Mrs. Latham, arm in arm with her husband, posed in this very room. Jerry pointed to the necklace around Mrs. Latham's neck. It had been her mothers and she had worn it constantly. The necklaced ring had been lost while they were traveling in Brazil. A suitable replacement was sought but not found. When Jerry was a girl sitting in Mrs. Latham's lap she had loved to spin the ring and watch the inlay reflect the light. She had never seen another that was even close to the same. She asked me how I found it.

I explained that during one of our dinners Mrs. Latham had pointed out the ring in the portrait and during our conversation had mentioned a symbol engraved on the inside of the band that looked like two capital S's lying on their side with the hooks cradling each other. I had remembered that the ring had been brought home by her father when he returned from the war. A friend checked his service records and found that her Father had spent 4 weeks in Honolulu before returning stateside. While I was working in Honolulu I went to some of the older, more established; jewelry shops and asked if any of them could identify a makers mark like the one that had been etched etched into the lost ring. After several attempts I met an elderly man that had long since retired but still liked to hang out at the family shop. The makers mark, he said, was from a family of jewelers that had since moved to the mainland. After looking at the pictures and listening to the description he had gone into the back room and returned with a jewelry trey filled with gold rings all with a dark inlay. The jewelers in question worked almost exclusively with yellow gold rings inlaid with Koa wood which has a rich deep color and a varied grain. While the wood is plentiful in Hawaii it is hard to work with. As he studied the trey looking for the right ring I already knew which one it was because the inlay had such a luster. He handed me a jewelers loop to better inspect the ring. It did not take much to realize that this was fashioned in the same way as Mrs. Latham's lost treasure so I bought it and a thin gold chain to display it from. The jeweler threw in a small gold clip that the ring would hang from so that it would lay flat on her chest. I had hoped she would like it. I had not expected the tears. Seeing the concern on my face Jerry and Lorraine both told me that it was a very thoughtful gift and that Sarah (I still think of her as Mrs. Latham) was just overcome with joy.

We talked over coffee until Mrs. Latham returned, looking in control as ever. The necklace was still in place and her left hand firmly grasped the ring. Pleading fatigue Mrs. Latham thanked everyone for making it such a lovely day and returned with Jerry and Nicolette to her estate. I talked briefly with the Peterson's who applauded my choice of gifts and then said their goodnights as well.

Dr. Blake and President Siebert pulled me aside and gave me the news. Dr. Blake was going to retire and the board wanted my input on possible replacements.

I did not hesitate because I knew of a man who would be a great fit at Cal Tech. As soon as I said the name Dr. Eric Gabblehauser , Dr. Blake nodded and President Siebert smiled.

They both agreed that they liked Gabblehauser but they wanted to know my reasons for suggesting him. It was easy, while he had not done any original work in 25 years he had written multiple books designed to entice a layman level reader to study Physics. The books were well written, well foot noted, well reviewed, and had sold fairly well (for a book on science that did not involve the end of life as we knew it). More importantly Dr. Gabblehauser was extremely adept at raising money and keeping people engaged. He was young enough to make him accessible to new members of the faculty but old enough that the older staff would not resent him as an upstart. He was a handsome man, which the PR department would love, but he was also a family man which would enhance his "approachability". President Siebert thanked me for my input and asked me if I would be willing to travel with Dr. Blake to meet their top choice in a pro forma interview. I, of course, agreed. That is how I wound up flying to Princeton to interview my future boss.


	23. Chapter 23

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Like sands through an hourglass**

The non-stop flight to Philadelphia was uneventful and arrived on time. Dr. Blake and his wife Lorraine deplaned first and we then headed for the baggage carousel to claim our luggage. As we approached it we came upon a smartly dressed woman standing next to a man in a chauffeur's cap who was holding a sign for Doctors' Blake and Hofstadter. We identified our selves and were greeted by Miss Evelyn Brewer who then asked for our luggage tickets so that Kevin could arrange for our bags to be loaded into the limousine. I was in the process of explaining that we had made no arrangements for a limousine when Miss Brewer blushed and explained that in her haste to take care of us she had forgot to relay Mr. Sipes personal greetings and to extend his hospitality while we were in Princeton. He sent his apologizes about not picking us up in person but was entrusting our care to his associate Miss Brewer. I explained to the Blakes that Mr. Sipes was an old friend of the family who helped me with my finances. Miss Brewer gave me an odd look but did not say otherwise. She then explained that "Mr. S" had arranged rooms for us at the Peacock Inn and that they had taken the liberty of canceling our reservations at the Hyatt Regency. Miss Brewer was to escort us to the Inn, get us settled and then "Mr. S" would join us for dinner at 8 PM. She handed the Blake's a pamphlet detailing what the Inn had to offer and a menu of the available dishes for that nights dinner. Getting our selves settled in the limousine, Miss Brewer joined us in the cabin leaving Kevin alone on the front seat. The limousine was well stocked and Miss Brewer offered the Blake's a drink. Lorraine took a small sherry and Henry was delighted to find that a bottle of McLaren's Single Malt Scotch had been stocked in the bar. I settled on a ice cold bottle of water because the air in the plane made me extremely thirsty. Miss Brewer was fidgeting and kept giving me quick looks until at last I asked her why she was so nervous. She explained to us that though she had worked for "Mr.S" for close to 15 years this was the first time she had gotten to meet me. Apparently Mr. Sipes office was very utilitarian except for a post it board by his office door. On it were pictures of myself and my siblings at various stages of our lives. On those rare occasions when Mr. Sipes talked about his personal life, we were his favorite topic. Miss Brewer had mentioned the notes I had sent Mr. Sipes inviting him to my graduations (I had sent him one for each graduation from High School to my Doctorate "Hooding") were also on display. I had never seen him at any of them but he always sent a nice card with a very appropriate gift. Then it hit me, if he joined us for dinner this would be the first time I ever saw him outside his office or my parents home. I was looking forward to seeing him again.

Dinner at the Peacock was suit and tie so Mrs. Blake had coordinated with Miss Brewer so that no one would clash. I arrived at the restaurant just after the Blake's. I was surprised to see that there were no other guests in the dining room or the lounge. The new owners, Mr. O'Connor explained, had shut down the Inn while major renovations were done. Mr. Sipes had enquired about having one last dinner party before the renovations started and both the former and new owners had agreed to it. He went on to add that we were also the only hotel guests so hence the reason the place was quiet. I apologized for putting them out and he just smiled. Apparently Mr. Sipes handled their finances and he was the major reason they were retiring. Mr. and Mrs. O'Connor expected to be in county Kerry, Ireland by this time next month. They were anxious to check on the birthplace of his grandfather to see if the place matched his recollections of it. He apologized for "going on" about it and led me to our table.

The Blake's were seated and enjoying the ambiance of the room. I had just sat down when the rest of our party arrived. The Gabblehauser's were being led in by Mrs. O'Connor followed by Mr. Sipes. There was a shock. He was in a wheelchair, his legs covered and the hand he reached out to greet Dr. Blake was gnarled by arthritis. When had he gotten so old. Miss Brewer was watching me , watching him, and signaled me to smile. I did.

The dinner was excellent. Due to the skillful questions Miss Brewer would ask our group had quickly gotten comfortable with each other and conversation flowed freely. Mr Sipes listened intently to the conversations often throwing in the occasional comment or question. He seemed partial to Mrs. Blake because they shared an interest in the field of genetic manipulation of crop seeds for drought ridden areas. His mention of the work the Kapule group was doing in Hawaii as having amazing potential had grabbed Lorraine's attention. The fact that he knew of the group let alone had a personal relationship with them amazed her and blushing like a school girl she asked him for an introduction so she might tour their facilities. When I added in that she should ask for a tour of the gardens around the old plantation house her look toward me was one of surprise. I had just stopped being the wunderkind that made her husband's life "interesting" to being a person of interest. I kind of liked it.

I must admit I spent most of my time studying Mr. Sipes. I did not like what I saw. He needed to retire somewhere warmer.

It needed to be somewhere where he would not be alone and most importantly somewhere he was needed. I believe he needed to move to Pasadena. Now I only needed to figure out how to convince him it was a good idea.


	24. Chapter 24

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Every rose has its thorn**

I had to cut my trip short because one of the projects my team was working on had failed during testing even though the math appeared to be sound. Normally I could have left this till my return but Sheldon had become belligerent when the tests failed. My team had tried for several days to get him to "do the math" since they could find no other reason the tests would fail. After several heated exchanges the team had shut down the lab and refused to work with Sheldon until I returned. President Siebert had then called expressing a desire to send Sheldon to the South Pole in order to get some peace. I agreed to return and hopped the next flight to LAX. The flight had been overbooked, there were no seats in business or first class, and there were no direct flights open. I would have to change planes in Chicago. In other words it was miserable.

I reached LAX almost 11 hours after boarding the plane in Philadelphia. I was hungry, tired, and really needed a shower and since I had shipped my luggage back I headed for the cab stand. At the bottom of the escalator stood Jerry and Nicolette. Nicolette was pacing like a caged leopard so I knew the ride home was going to be long. After making sure Mrs. Latham was ok we all agreed to hold our conversation till we reached the limo.

The news was not good. Two of Mrs. Latham's in-Laws were trying to have her removed from the board of directors due to financial mis-management. They were willing to drop a lawsuit on behalf of the shareholders if she was willing to step down. Jerry had checked on this and sure enough there was close to 30 million dollars missing from the accounts of Latham financial. Worse the company had been audited only 6 months earlier and nothing had been reported. This meant that not only was someone stealing on a large scale but someone in the independent auditing company had covered it up.

Jerry had no one internal personnel she could trust to check on it and since she was one of several people that could have pulled it off, anything she found would be suspect. They needed a financial auditor with no ties to the company and who had an impeccable reputation. I just looked at her. Then I laughed she got angry. Nicolette told her to wait for it. I smiled again and said serendipity. Nicolette held up her hand and simply asked for the solution. My eyes were half-closed but I saw her turn her recorder on. Serendipity, serendipity, serendipity. I then told Jerry the solution to her problem was to get the Sipes group to come in and do a top down study of the books and the operations. Jerry retorted that the Sipes group refused work outside of the Atlantic States and that they had not taken on any new clients in the last 10 years. I told her that not only would we get the Sipes group to take the job but they would be representing Mrs. Latham directly. Nicolette was trying to wave Jerry off from interrupting but it failed. She started to ask me how I intended to make this happen when I handed her my mobile. I told her to call Evelyn Brewer and detail her problem to her. She was then to tell Evelyn that Leonard's good friend Mrs. Latham was going to lose control of her company to unscrupulous in-Laws. Tell her that Leonard says that only having "Mr. S" here in person could prevent a lot of stock holders losing money in a battle for control. Tell her accommodations will be provided for her and her staff. If "Mr. S." balks tell him Leonard needs his help.

Jerry gawked at me like I had just grown a second head. She asked about Mr. S., I explained that was what Miss Brewer called Mr. Sipes. Jerry was stuttering. She could not believe I knew L. William Sipes personally. Nicolette asked about the L and was informed by Jerry that it stood for Leonard, a family name he did not use. They both looked at me. I could barely keep my eyes open but I finally made the connection, the look Evelyn had given me when I described Mr. Sipes as a friend of the family. I had once asked my father who else I was named after and he informed me the Leonard was an old family name and was used for the first born. I looked at Jerry and simply told her that he was my Grandfather's half brother and then darkness took me.

When I woke later we were pulling into the Cheesecake Factory. Jerry was looking at me oddly and Nicolette was trying to hide a smirk. I found out later that during the ride I had slid over in the seat and rested my head on Jerry's chest. She handled that well until I nuzzled her breast and made some appreciative noises. Blushing Jerry had tried to push me away but I had wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in to a deep hug. Nicolette had burst out laughing which had partially woken me and Jerry used that opportunity to push me back toward my side of the bench. The 45 minute snooze (and cuddle) had revived me but I was still craving a bbq burger so we stopped. This also would give Jerry a chance to flesh out my plan and with the help of the recorder it should be fairly easy to reconstruct the conversation.

I had detoured to the men's room to wash my face and hands so by the time I made it to our table Jerry and Nicolette were already sipping their beverages and Cheryl was giving them the third degree to see if the were Leonard-worthy. Since accepting my refusal to share her bed, Cheryl had acquired a more sisterly approach to me and was constantly vetting potential dates. Cheryl is not shy and I could see Jerry was not enjoying the grilling but Nicolette was exchanging stories of Leonard in the "old days". I did not hear what was said but Cheryl blushed , turned toward me and smirked, then went off to place our orders. Nicolette was chastising me for turning down the "treasure" Cheryl obviously wanted to share with me. I shook my head and reminded her of a friend of ours at M.I.T., Nicolette had once said of her that the woman did not need more lovers, she needed someone who would love her. Cheryl I explained, will always be my friend but if we slept together I would always just be an ex. Nicolette and Jerry both looked at me and smiled. The looks were so intense I had to turn my head to keep from blushing and that is the first time I saw Penny.

 **The Most Interesting Man Alive (for SRAM)**

 _(This section is written in response to a review left by SRAM. This is stretching credulity to the limit but the timing was too good to ignore. The timeline for this chapter is early 2006. Per canon Penny and Kurt had recently moved to LA. The Dos Equis campaign started in the latter half of 2006, SRAM reviewed the last chapter and mentioned Dos Equis, I really had no choice. You can skip the rest of the chapter with promises that the next chapter will not rely on any of the next lines. Apologizes to those who find this damages the story so far but it is the least I could do in appreciation for the person who wrote "Tin Man" and the "Tropical Paradise Theory")._

She was waiting on a table of Europeans (going by the clothes, and from the accents either French or Belgian). The group was apparently trying to ask the waitress (who would later be introduced as Penny) questions about the bottles of Dos Equis she had delivered to the table. The little English I heard was broken up by the heavy accent and the fact that the speaker was drunk. Nicolette rose from her chair and went over to rescue Penny. It turned out that the group was from a European advertising company that was working on a new advertising campaign for the Dos Equis. The were trying to find out what an American's idea of a Man's Man was. Their research had come back with various names but none of them fit the man that they wanted to build the brand around. With Nicolette's help Penny was relaying to them a list of Men she found attractive and why. Nicolette agreed with her choices but again it was to specific. One of the gentleman ask Nicolette for my opinion and after a second I said my idea of a Man's Man would be a cross between Ernest Hemingway and Ricardo Montalbano. A man of action and a joy for life mixed with a man of refined tastes with a macho demeanor. The man would need to be older too, a man who has led the kind of life that men would want when they were that age. One of the men responded Khan when I mentioned Mr. Montalban and another said in a very good Bill Murray imitation "es muy macho". The others laughed and a gentleman at the end of the table began drawing on a napkin. While Nicolette answered more questions the artist walked over to our table and handed me the napkin. The drawing was cross between Khan and Mr. Roarke and Ernest Hemingway. The coat was white but the shirt was open and chest hair could be seen. The hair was peppered on top and had a light shade on the sides. The beard and the mustache were white. Through Nicolette I let him know that that was how I imagined him. He asked me my opinion of Dos Equis. I was honest, I do not always drink beer, but when I did I preferred Dos Equis. He smiled and then gathered his people together. He thanked us for all of our help, paid for our dinner, left a tremendous tip for the waitress, and headed for the door. The group was having a very animated conversation but still stopped and waved before leaving the restaurant.

Six months later I saw my first Dos Equis commercial featuring the most interesting man alive. The actor they chose was fantastic and I really did want a Dos Equis.

Dos Equis sales peaked and the ad agency was extremely pleased with our friends. Even though I had signed a release long before the commercial came out I was surprised to receive a check from the ad agency and a signed portrait from our artist. The drawing was of Jonathan Goldsmith as the Dos Equis Man, myself, Ricardo Montalban, and Ernest Hemingway all sitting around a table drinking Dos Equis.

It was titled, "the Most Interesting Men Alive". I have it hung on my office wall. Since the truth is so far fetched, if anyone asks I tell them I had it done at comic-con.


	25. Chapter 25

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Camel, straw, back, do the math**

Somehow Nicolette was able to keep Jerry occupied long enough for me to eat my burger in peace. I was just taking the last bite when Cheryl came over with the new waitress, Penny, in tow.

I think Cheryl was just marking her territory but it also could have been Cheryl introducing the new girl to "good" customers. Good customers to Cheryl were ones that hassled little and tipped well (even on the bad days). Penny had addressed me as Dr. Hofstadter. She had recognized me from the gossip shows and shyly asked Cheryl if Nicolette and Jerry were models. Secretly I think Jerry was pleased with that but she quickly informed Penny that her friend was an author of several books on "Genius" and that she herself was the operations manager for Latham Financials. I think Penny was more impressed with that, than if they had been models. Penny had just gone off to pick up an order when Cheryl looked at me sharply and told me "hands off". Apparently she had seen my eyes dilate when I looked at Penny and she knew that meant I was attracted to her. She informed me that Penny was in a long term relationship and definitely did not like cheaters. I reminded her that after my recent press issues my desire to date was only slightly lower than my desire for a colonoscopy. She just giggled and asked us if we would like desert. Nicolette immediately ordered a chocolate mousse cheese cake while Jerry shook her head and kept looking thru the desserts. Not finding what she wanted she simply asked what desserts they had for the lactose intolerant. Cheryl beamed and said 2 Leonard specials coming right up.

The dessert was still being tested in several of their sites so the Cheesecake Factory had not been given it an official name yet. Most of the waitresses called it the Leonard or Cheryl special since it had been concocted by the dessert chef after an inquiry by Cheryl. Jerry had hers with strawberry topping and I stayed with my favorite blueberry. Jerry was so impressed she bought another slice to take home. The restaurant was not busy so once our dinner was finished and dishes cleared away, we returned to our planning.

The recording of our earlier conversation turned out to be more lucid than I remembered it. Most of what I had to fill in were explanations on some of my logic and the correct way to approach Mr. Sipes (I still could not call him Great Uncle, he had always been Mr. Sipes). Jerry took no end of joy in repeating that L. William Sipes would cause "those bastards" to have a nervous breakdown. "Bloody Bill" as he was known in financial circles detested thieves, especially those that preyed on widows and pensioners. His old fashioned approach to business was not the most profitable but there was no doubt his review of the books and his groups review of the operating procedures would cause many "early" retirements and people "leaving the business to pursue other interests". He did not bend. He would reveal the culprits regardless of who they were.

Upon hearing that he was wheel chair bound Jerry looked concerned. I made sure she knew his mind was sound. It was arthritis that was giving him issues. I told her of my conversations with his executive assistant Evelyn Brewer about getting him to retire and move to a warmer climate. I believed Pasadena would give him rest for his body and food for his mind. The Sipes Group could start a west coast branch. Jerry gave me yet another odd look. Evelyn she informed me was Mr. Sipes partner and had been one of the most sought after by recruiters when she had graduated from the Warton School of Business.

Nicolette had been quiet most of the time but then she looked at us both she smiled and told me that this was what I did best. Reach in to a tangled mess and pull the right strings until some semblance of order emerged. My genius was not to fix the problems. Mine was to identify the issues so that others could better do their jobs. She brushed my cheek and told me that she was writing a followup on the geniuses she had interviewed 6 years ago to see what they had accomplished. She believed my section would be the hardest since she could not quite figure out how I did , what I did. I promised that if I ever figured that out I would tell her, but not to expect an answer soon.

We talked at the bar till closing time and decided to head to our respective homes and sleep on it. The limo dropped me outside of the apartment at a little after 1 AM. Now that our plan was formulated we just needed to implement it. It sounded so simple but to paraphrase the great general Sun Tzu "our plans did not survive contact with the enemy" (chaos). Chaos came in the form of the most button downed person I knew, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.


	26. Chapter 26

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **Heart of Darkness**

I entered the apartment a little after 2 am. Stripping as I preceded to the bathroom. I barely remember taking a shower. Clean and teeth brushed I threw myself on my bed and I am pretty sure my eyes had closed before my head hit the pillow.

I was awakened a little after 10 AM by a voice mail left by Janine Davis from HR. She wanted to arrange a meeting between us to talk about the complaints concerning Sheldon's escapades over the last 2 weeks. I shaved and dressed, deciding just to go to the Campus and check on the recent Sheldon sightings. I had flicked on the light in the living room and got my first look at the disaster I had somehow navigated thru the night before. My luggage lay in a pile near my desk. The butcher block table in the kitchen had various fast food containers sitting on it. The trash was overflowing and there were dirty dishes in the sink. I had only been gone 10 days but the apartment looked as if a frat party had been held every day since then. I went to check on Sheldon and found that his door now had a deadbolt installed and it was locked. I called for him several times while rapping on the door and got no response, even though I swore I could hear movement inside. After repeated attempts I left him a note tacked to his door to call me.

I called the cleaning service and was informed that Sheldon had fired them because they were stealing his notes and copying his board.

The lady admitted to pulling paper out of the trash but it was only to put it in the recycle. I asked them to please come back and offered a bonus if they could come out today. I gave them my cell in case any Sheldon's were sighted. This was the theme of the day. Random Sheldon melt down story followed by my apologizing or promising to look into it. In two weeks he had disenfranchised almost everyone he knew.

I called around and asked the group to join me for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory (if able). I had to promise not to bring Sheldon.

We agreed to meet there around 2 PM. I had no sooner gotten out of my car at the campus than the onslaught began. Some of those I talked to were genuinely concerned for Sheldon, others were in favor having him censured by the faculty board, and a few even mentioned bags of feathers and a bucket of tar. It was a mess. My meeting with Janine was very helpful. She explained that while they always had complaints about Sheldon's arrogance and lack of social skills, she had noticed an escalation 2 weeks ago. She had tried to get Sheldon to meet with her but he refused, accusing her of trying to interfere with his work. Per University policy she had mandated that he attend counseling. He refused. They were considering more drastic measures but after talking to Dr. Blake she had decided to wait for my return to see what I could find. That changed 2 days ago when Sheldon had thrown a tirade in the faculty dining room claiming that someone had touched his food and he then stormed out. The University mandated counseling and a drug test. He of course refused and left the Campus. That was when President Siebert had called me back. Sheldon was to get the counseling or be terminated.

When I got to the Cheesecake Factory the stories were very similar. Sheldon was irritable, rude, mysogynistic, paranoid, and his usual demeanor , arrogant. He would show up at experiments that he was not even involved in and begin to order people around. He had declared that since Dr. Blake was leaving and I had deserted my post, he was now in charge. The result, two experiments damaged due to interference by him, 3 others due to refusal to work with Sheldon, and another project on hold because the team was doing the testing incorrectly (because Sheldon assured them the math was right and refused to check it as a possible point of failure). Conflicts with Sheldon had also caused in-house strife among some of the team members. Some of them had turned on each other believing that Sheldon's rants about their incompetency must be true. They, like Janine, said that it had started 2 weeks ago but had escalated drastically when I left town.

It took almost 3 hours to get everything back on track and I had a lot of calls to make and favors to call in. As it was Sheldon's security clearance was revoked on any of the projects I was in charge of. The 2 teams that reported to him were to call Dr. Blake and ask him to remove Sheldon from their projects. I had arranged with Drs. Winkle and Kripke to assist with the advanced math, promising my assistance in return on their projects. I called Janine and told her of my progress so far and assured her Sheldon was next on my agenda. I then checked in with Nicolette and Jerry to let them know that I was not going to be able to make it to tonights dinner.

They informed me that they had already talked to Mr. Sipes and Evelyn. Negations were underway to get the Sipes Group to Pasadena.

I had settled up with Cheryl and was going to head home when Penny came over to me. She had recognized Sheldon when he came in to the restaurant. He was sitting at our normal table and did not look well. He was getting agitated and trying to leave so Cheryl was staying with him. He looked up as I approached, still trying to get his hand out of Cheryl's. She was talking him in low tones like you would a child, stroking his arm and trying to keep eye contact. He looked horrible. His eyes were blood shot and he did not seem to be able to focus. He was constantly trying to clear his nose which was leaking a thick green mucus. His eyes were crusted in the corners. Cheryl was trying to get him to drink some water but he refused. I also noticed he was swaying slightly in his chair. I followed Cheryl's lead and sat quietly next to him. I tried to get him to drink but he said he was nauseous and could not keep it down. I went through his pockets and found an almost empty bottle of dramamine. Further checking revealed some sinus tablets and a half empty bottle of NyQuil. I tried to get him to tell me what his doctor had said. Sheldon had refused to go (too many germs there). I then asked him what Amy had said, and was informed that she and he were no longer friends. Thru some cajoling I got him to take a drink. I watched as liquid leaked out of the corner of his mouth. I took a closer look and saw that his right side of his face was puffy and did not seem to move in tandem with the left. I voiced my opinion that he might have had a stroke and saw Penny shaking her head. I asked her why she disagreed. She had been raised on a ranch in Nebraska and Sheldon had all the symptoms that a horse had when it had a severe ear infection. Basically the infection would affect the inner ear so the sense of balance would be disrupted. This made standing still and walking difficult. It would also cause nausea. If it was severe infection it could spread to the sinuses which would cause the nasal discharge but could also cause the eyes to be sensitive to light. If it did not get treated the ear drum could get ruptured from the swelling. She said that on a horse she would press lighty on the inside edge of the eyelid to see if the discharge increased or if the horse pulled away. She said that was a very good sign that the sinus cavity was infected. She then leaned in and carefully touched Sheldon eyelid near the bridge of the nose. He jerked away and the mucus flow increased. I decided to just take him right to the emergency room. Cheryl brought my car around to the side exit and Penny helped me get Sheldon strapped into the front seat.

Sheldon and I had each other's power of attorney so I had no problem getting him admitted to Fremont Memorial Hospital.

The emergency room was fairly busy due to a crash between a transit bus and a delivery van. No serious injuries but everyone on the bus was being checked over for insurance purposes. The first intern who looked at Sheldon did a cursory look and said stroke. I explained to him all of the symptoms and why I believed it was just a severe ear infection. He did not like my questioning his diagnosis and rather than deal with me, turfed us off on a surgical fellow who had been brought in to deal with the influx of patients. Dr. Barnett, as she was introduced, listened carefully to what I said and actually chuckled when I mentioned Penny's horse story. While she listened her hands were gliding over Sheldon's head and chest checking for swollen glands, cuts, etc. She kept checking me out and grew concerned when I mentioned it having been almost 2 weeks since I had seen Sheldon. Then I realized she thought I was Sheldon's guardian. I quickly explained that we shared an apartment together and that we both worked over at the University. She checked his tongue and found it slightly swollen. While checking his eyes she pressed slightly on the bridge of his nose and again the mucus flow increased. Running her fingers gently along the ridge behind each ear she watched Sheldon wince and try to pull away. She asked the nurse to hook Sheldon up with a saline drip to help with the dehydration and ordered him restrained since he seemed to be delirious. They were going to use a warm water saline solution to try to flush out his sinuses and of course antibiotics to help clear the infection. The ear was going to require extra attention because she was going to have to drain the liquid built up in the middle ear. Sheldon would be hospitalized for several days. They would wait to see how responsive he was to the antibiotics and how lucid he became once his bodily fluids were replaced. Dr. Barnett told me Sheldon would be out for several hours and in a surprise move gave me her card with her cell number in case I had any questions.

I stepped outside to call Mary Cooper and let her know that Sheldon was safe but in the hospital. She had been concerned about his not answering her calls and was actually headed out the door to drive to Pasadena. Missy was with her so I was able to convince them to take a plane instead (so they could be here when Sheldon woke). I made arrangements for tickets to be waiting for them at the Houston airport. Due to the voice mail systems we all shared at the university I was able to leave a mass voicemail explaining to everyone that Sheldon was hospitalized and some general information on what had been found so far. I called Raj, Howard, Bernadette, and Amy to let them know that Mrs. Cooper (and Missy) were flying in. Amy apologized for not realizing what was going on with Sheldon (especially when I informed her that Penny at the CCF had diagnosed him). His belligerence and her lack of experience with dating had caused her to take what he said at face value and to leave him when her got verbally abusive. I told her she did the right thing. Sheldon did really require a whole village to raise him. She snickered and promised to check on him tomorrow. Upon hearing of Mary's early morning arrival Bernadette and Howard volunteered to pick them up at LAX so I could sleep in. The day just kept getting better.

To my relief the cleaning service had been able to get the place tidied up and had left the windows open to clear on the smell of the cleaners that had been used. Asleep on the couch were Cheryl and Raj. Apparently they had brought dinner for me and fell asleep waiting for my return. I wolfed down the bbq burger and some of the cold fries and took a quick tour to make sure nothing was out of place for the Cooper's arrival. Even Sheldon's room had been returned to its normal sterile state so I decided to let the love birds sleep and call it a night.

I lay there trying to fall asleep but my mind kept cycling back to an ancient Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times". Things were definitely interesting. Dr. Blake was retiring. Mrs. Latham was fighting a takeover. Mr. Sipes was coming to Pasadena. The piece de la resistance was what Howard was now calling the "Great Earache of '06' that ended with Sheldon escaping and terrorizing the villagers.

I really hoped tomorrow would be boring. Doubt it.


	27. Chapter 27

` **As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you. Sorry for the long delay. I really had a lot of issues getting this chapter written. I finally broke into two smaller chapters and eventually three. I am still not thrilled with it so apologizes to everyone who has stuck with this story to date.**

 **Peace returns to the village**

I woke to the smell of fresh brewed coffee and the sound of the shower running. This meant someone had opened my bedroom door. I felt the bed dip behind me as someone climbed in. An arm reached across my body and set a steaming cup of coffee on the nightstand. I felt breasts push into my back and a slight breeze as someone blew on my ear. I knew it was Cheryl from the smell of her shampoo so I thanked "Raj" for the coffee. For my insolence she hit my shoulder and accused me of being born out of wedlock. I was trying to keep the laughing to a minimum when I heard our apartment door open and could hear Raj talking to someone. The shower stopped and then a voice from the door said "Hello Dr. Hofstadter". Penny from the CCF had stopped with a change of clothes for Cheryl. I turned over (which wasn't easy because Cheryl was sitting on the sheet) just in time to see Missy step into the doorway, drying her hair. Penny looked from Cheryl to Missy and then gave me a look I would later come to recognize as the Penny "disapproving" gaze. Missy, quick as ever, accused me of trying to recruit two new "bedmates" while she was recovering after our night of rough, passionate, love making. Why do these women enjoy tormenting me? Better yet, why am I complaining? I put my head under my pillow and loudly announced that Leonard Land was officpially closed and everyone would need to exit the park. Cheryl snickered and Missy grabbed Penny and headed down the hall. Raj told me later that Missy and Cheryl had warned Penny off because they were not willing to share. Penny had looked doubtful but tongue in cheek told them she would keep her hands off of Dr. Hofstadter. They all went to breakfast. I grabbed a shower, dressed, and went to see Sheldon.

Mary was sitting by Sheldon, reading him the science news letters he subscribed to. Sheldon was doing much better but was still having issues with his inner ear, which made walking or focusing on anything nauseating. "Dr. Stephanie" had said he should be better in the next 24 to 36 hours depending on whether his inner ear needed to be drained again. Her being a surgeon and taking care of Sheldon in the ER that night was considered a minor miracle by Mary. She was sure Jesus was looking after her baby boy.

Stephanie flagged me down as I was leaving. She wanted me to know that the combination of his medical condition, his self medicating and his pre-existing issues as a high functioning autistic savant had combined in a kind of perfect storm to get Dr. Cooper misdiagnosed, and in her opinion, eventually detained under a 48 hour psych eval notice. Penny's diagnosis had been spot on and had been a huge help in getting Sheldon the treatment he needed. I promised to relay her message and thanked her again for taking care of him.

Next I went the University To meet with Janine Davis to discuss the last couple of weeks and also so she could sound me out about the interview with Dr. Gablehauser. It was fairly friendly and when I explained to her the medical reasons for Sheldon's behavior over the last couple of weeks. I supplied her with Dr. Barnett's number and since my medical power of attorney would allow her to release the pertinent details to Human Resources, I emailed Stephanie a heads up on the call. Janine surprised me by agreeing that a mind like Sheldons needed to be nurtured and suggested getting him an assistant that could help him with the day to day things and leave him more time for cracking the mysteries of the Universe. I saw the light in her eyes and realized then that Janine Davis could have worked anywhere and done well. She had chosen the University and HR as her vehicle to affect change. To make sure people like Sheldon, Howard, Dr. Blake , and the others were able impact the world. I thanked her for protecting Sheldon and asked her to please join us for our weekend gathering at CCF. She declined ,stating that the meetings that we held were over her head. I told her that the gatherings covered many different things and that she needed to be aware of how she made lives better. Still looking doubtful I offered a bribe in the form of a drawing of her children as their favorite superhero. That got a smile. She offered to think about it. I said see you Saturday around 2.

The rest of the week was fairly simple. Sheldon was released from the hospital after 3 days and his Mom and sister stayed another week while he recuperated. To keep things easy, they took my room while I slept on Raj's couch. As a special thank you Mary and Missy invited everyone over on the Saturday before they returned home, for a "home cooked" meal. Mary had even convinced Dr. Barnett and Penny to come over to celebrate their role in getting Sheldon back on his feet. The food was great and in general everyone had a pretty good time. The exception was Penny. She looked hung over and her eyes were puffy. I said nothing because I really did not know her that well. I did notice Stephanie having a rather heated conversation with her on several occasions and after the 4th interaction Penny had thanked the Cooper's for the wonderful dinner and left. I tried to get Stephanie to tell me what was going on but she said it was a personal issue that she could not discuss with me.

Bernadette, Amy and Stephanie had begun to hang out together so Stephanie was joining us at our weekly CCF dinners and sometimes the smaller dinners at 4A. I found her quite interesting so when she mentioned needing a date for an upcoming hospital fund raiser, I volunteered. This led to her attending several University functions with me. I am not sure how it escalated to dating but suddenly we were sharing closet space and allocating a drawer for our each other to use on our sleep overs. Sheldon was thrilled because we now had a Doctor for his away team. ( I was a little concerned with his hypachondria escalating but Stephanie stated that it was inline with recent events). Stephanie and I were both workaholics and we're glad of the sexual relief our friends with benefits package was providing us. For once in my life I was not looking for a mate. I was just enjoying the great sex. Stephanie was an enthusiastic bed partner and a bit of a screamer (I mean who doesn't like to be told they are doing a good job). Stephanie spent a lot of time at the apartment and I noticed that I saw a lot less of Penny when Stephanie was around. Worried there might be some kind of personality conflict I cornered Cheryl one night and asked her what was going on. She explained that Stephanie was after Penny to go into rehab. Stephanie pointed out that Penny's memory issues, difficulty sleeping and chronic dark rings under her eyes were indicative of drug abuse. Penny had denied this and gotten angry at Stephanie for bringing it up constantly. Cheryl saw Stephanie's point but though Penny admitted partying heavily every night with her boyfriend Kurt, she never said, or did, anything that made her believe Penny was abusing any medication.

After hearing Stepanie's concerns I began to keep a closer eye on Penny. I found that she really did seem to exhibit all the signs of an addict. I was really getting concerned so I just asked her. She slapped me very hard and let me know in no uncertain terms that her brother was a meth addict and she would never put her parents thru that kind of hell again. I tried to share our concerns for her health and just as she was winding up for a second slap, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fainted.


	28. Chapter 28

` **As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. This chapter deals with non-consensual sex/rape, but does not go into detail. PLEASE read no further if this will upset you. If any of you who read this do decide the details listed are superfluous to the story please let me know how you would have progressed the story without it. Thank you.**

 **Monster**

Her name was Christie Vanderbel. She had gone to Penny's high school and had dated her brother. Christie invited herself to stay with Penny when she moved to LA. She had been staying with Penny and her boyfriend Kurt Boyd for almost 6 weeks. Unbeknownst to Penny, Kurt had also dated Christie and could not get enough of her. Kurt did not want to lose Penny's steady income so he had been extra careful to not get caught. A partial solution was to have Christie borrow Penny's car while she "looked" for a job and a place of her own. Kurt would then drop, and pickup, Penny after work. He had tried to talk Penny into a three-some but to Penny that was still cheating. He found that he really wanted that and now matter how drunk he got Penny she would refuse. Kurt had found a solution. He had been taking low doses of GHB (Gamma-Hydroxybutyrate) to take the edge off and decided to try it on Penny. At first it just had just increased her sex drive but did not make her agree to adding Christie to their bed. He gradually increased the doses until Penny became more compliant. One night he dosed them both and took what he wanted. Penny and Christie were very hung over the next day and neither remembered clearly what had happened. Kurt reminded them that they had drank way too much and Penny had begged Christie to join them in their bed. Penny had stopped drinking alcohol for several days so he slipped the GHB into the bottled water she liked to drink. Since Penny was getting suspicious (she accused him of having sex with her while she was unconscious) Kurt had video taped one session so that Penny could see herself actively having drunken sex with both of them. He had done this repeatedly and had been slowly increasing the dose in order to keep them compliant. This was why Penny was so tired all of the time and the depression was due to the fact she was ashamed that she had allowed it to happen multiple times. What Stephanie had been seeing was not a drug addict in denial but instead the unknowing victim of a series of "date-rapes" committed by Penny's so called boyfriend. Since it was GHB it never showed in the drug screenings done by CCF or the blood tests Stephanie had run trying to diagnose Penny's illness.

After one particular rough session, Penny had woken to find Kurt had left. She tried to wake Christie but could not. Assuming it was alcohol poisoning, and not knowing where Kurt had gone, she called 911. The paramedics had stabilized Christie and transported her to the nearest emergency room. To her surprise the paramedics claimed it was drug related and wanted to know what they had taken. The police officers who had responded asked Penny for permission to search the apartment to find out what drugs were on the premises. She told them multiple times she would not take or allow those kind of substances in her apartment. During the search they found a locked footlocker. Penny explained that it was Kurt's and the officers were hesitant to force it open it without a warrant. Since Christie was dying for all she knew, Penny used a screwdriver to pop the lock open herself. The officers found a variety of pills and several handguns. Penny was arrested and a warrant put out for the arrest of Kurt Boyd. Penny's one call was to Cheryl, who of course called me. Since recent events had forced me to keep an Attorney on retainer, I called my lawyer and asked her to represent Penny.

It was quite confusing. The drugs were identified as GHB and it was in a large enough quantitiy to be a felony offense. Penny was living in the apartment but had cooperated completely with the police in trying to determine what Christie had taken. After taking her statement the officers realized that she was a victim and not an accomplice. Corroborating Penny's story with Dr. Barnett and Det. Mike Rostenkowski the police released her with the proviso that she let them know if Kurt made any attempt to contact her. Mike and Bernadette had taken her over to her apartment to pick up some clothes and personal items (which Mike checked before they were put in her go-bag). Once she had the necessities Mike resealed the door with Police tape and drove her over to Cheryl's place. Since Kurt new where Cheryl lived it was decided she and Penny could not stay there. In a surprise move Sheldon had graciously offered the ladies my bedroom till Kurt was arrested, or it was deemed safe by the police.

Penny was a mess but it was she who pointed out we needed to contact Christie's parents and let them know what had happened.

Following that same logic Sheldon stayed with Penny while she called her own parents. Stephanie had come over and explained to Penny what she could expect during the withdrawal. Since the dosage she was given was not recorded and they figured it had been going on for almost a month, most of the problems would be with fatigue and depression. Penny refused any drugs stronger than Tylenol so most of her regimen was to be lots of sleep, drink lots of fluids, and avoid alcohol (she had winced when Stephanie had pointed that one out).

As ugly as the whole situation was, I need to point out an amazing occurrence. I was afraid that Sheldon would shut down or try to control the events in a way he could handle (usually to the detriment of others). He did not. Instead he was constantly at Penny's side, but never in her space. He would hand her tissues when she needed them, make her a hot beverage (usually tea), take notes about whatever she was concerned about, in general he was very un-Sheldon. When it came to Penny he was kind, considerate, and for Sheldon, affectionate. It was as if he could sense what she needed whether it be a simple hand on the shoulder, a proffered hug, or just the act of clearing his throat to let her know he was there. I was afraid in Penny's state she might become distraught around men in general, but with Sheldon she was perfectly calm. I had heard her crying and went to check on her. Sheldon was lying on his bed and Penny was sprawled across his chest, weeping into his shoulder. Sheldon was gently petting her and telling her to talk about it. I left because the whole scene made me teary eyed. Amy and I discussed it in depth and the best we could come up with was that Sheldon's androgynous demeanor, and her past interactions with Sheldon in the hospital, made Penny feel safe. Mother agreed that we should not interfere and cautioned Amy on showing any signs of jealousy about the new relationship. This was not a romantic or a physical relationship. These two were bonding over personal strife that only they would be able to understand. Any interference with that might cause either, or both, of them to server the tenuous threads attaching them to reality. Mother was intrigued and if time had permitted would have flown out (but for her gain or Sheldon's I was not sure). She also gave us the name of a very good rape counselor.

I would like to tell you that I handled this time with wit and understanding. I did not. I could not begin to fathom what Penny and Christie were going through. I found myself sullen and quiet. Afraid to say anything that might make Penny think of the fact that the man she loved had drugged her and Christie repeatedly in order to rape them both. How anyone could take an act so beautiful and turn it into that made me nauseous. I wanted to do anything that would make it go away. I wanted to kill Kurt Boyd. I found myself fantasizing on different ways to kill him. Even after all these years I still cannot put to words how those events affected me. The fact that I was more concerned with my feelings, rather than Penny or Christie's, still embarrasses me.

We did what we could. Penny was strong enough to get through it. Christie did not. She returned to Nebraska with her parents as soon as she was released from the hospital.


	29. Chapter 29

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life.** **Special note: I would like to thank TerribleWaitress for the use of Meryl as Penny's Mom's name. After reading it in one of her stories I could never imagine any other name for Meryl. For those interested Meryl means blackbird in several languages. I prefer the Celts version which is bright sea. For those looking for a great read please check out TerribleWaitress's profile page** **.**

 **Looking for reason**

Penny's parents, Meryl and Wyatt, called as soon as they had checked in at the Westin. Amy and Sheldon took Penny over to see them. I was told later that it was a tearful reunion.

Penny had introduced both Amy and Sheldon, with their full titles, as her friends who had been taking care of her. Meryl had given them both a hug and blessed them for taking such good care of their little girl.

Wyatt had looked very uncomfortable and gave both each a hand shake. Once Penny and Meryl had gone into one of the bedrooms for a "good cry", as Meryl put it, Wyatt had gotten an update from Amy and Sheldon about the "whole sordid business". He was not happy that Kurt had not been found, or that Penny was going to stay in LA. During a lull in the conversation Penny was heard to be crying hard. Seeing Sheldon fidget as he was drawn to console her, Amy quietly slipped her hand into his. He looked at her and tried to smile. I got it. Amy was his rock. As long as he had her, handling Penny's sadness was bearable.

Noticing that they held hands, Wyatt had smiled and asked how long they had been together. Amy was about to correct him when Sheldon did another amazing thing. He proudly stated that while they had only been a couple for short while, he had known her for 1648 days. Amy told me she had done the math in her head and realized it had been almost 4 and 1/2 years since they met each other in my recovery room. She was never quite sure where she stood with Sheldon and then he would casually say something like that.

Eventually the ladies came out of the bedroom and Penny received a bear hug from Wyatt. Verifying that Penny was up to it, they got ready and drove to the Athenaeum for dinner. The rest of us were to meet them there. I knew from conversations with Penny that her folks were big fans of beef, and Wednesdays was Prime Rib night at the Athenaeum, so I had reserved one of the long tables. Dinner was excellent and the conversation was lively. Meryl told us about the training and care of horses. Penny's eyes had lit up when they talked of specific horses they had trained together. Wyatt got us laughing with his stories of his rebellious daughters and life on the farm. It was a pleasant evening and was the first time I had heard Penny laughing since Kurt's actions had been revealed.

I found that I really liked Penny's parents. They made being a couple look easy. More importantly they were themselves. True wysiwyg (What you see is what you get). As Wyatt put it they were "just folks". That made me think of my own parents and I realized they were "just academics". It was what they did best and it was a very structured life. I realized why Sheldon was so comfortable to be around, it was like being with my family. I mentioned this to Amy and she seemed surprised I had not realized this before. She paused and then told me she had always admired the way I brought everyone together and made them feel welcome even after having the kind of childhood my Mother had documented. I explained that most of that came from hanging out with my Uncle Floyd's family and in particular my cousin Angelo. A look of recognition came across her face. She said that when I was in the UCLA hospital and delirous I had had several conversations with Angelo. One of them had been me begging Angelo for forgiveness. I had gotten so worked up that they had to sedate me further to prevent me from reopening any of the wounds I had incurred in the explosion. I ended up telling Amy things about that time that no one else knew, I needed her to understand I was not the man she was describing. The group meetings were nothing more than me trying to surround myself with brilliance so it could rub off on me. A need to fill the void Angelo's injury had created. She disagreed, she said our meetings were what she always imagined the Salons in the 18th century to have been like, except substituting Fantasy and Science, for Poetry and Religion. The end result was to be the same, to share ideas and to stretch the minds of those involved, all of them, not just mine. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. She asked why and I told her, because sometimes I forget that you are a genius and that I was lucky to have her as my friend. She got up, excused herself, and headed for the restrooms.

I got a dirty look from Penny and then one from Sheldon, as they both excused themselves and went after her. Bernadette and Cheryl gave me questioning looks and then Meryl leaned forward and asked me what had happened. I told them that I had thanked Amy for being such a good friend and that I had no idea why she left so soon after that. Meryl just smiled and whispered something to Wyatt. Wyatt laughed and seeing my confusion pointed out that saying something that might make a lady cry in public was a no win situation. Everyone who saw it would figure you were rude and give you the "stink eye". Those women who actually heard what you said would still give you the "stink eye" for making a lady cry in public, even if they were happy tears. No win.

Amy and the others returned. I hid behind the dessert menu while they got seated. Our server returned and we spent the next couple of minutes placing our orders. Then came the looks, an appreciative smile from Amy. Then a shy smile from Penny. I turned in hopes that Sheldon would not try to follow the social norm. His lip twitched, his head tilted slightly to the side and then it happened. Sheldon smiles, its unpleasant. We have to work on that next.

Penny started to say something when Wyatt leaned forward and said to her "rest easy slugger, I have already explained to your Dr. Hofstadter what he did wrong". Her Dr. Hofstadter? Penny gave her Dad the stink eye and I could actually feel the air getting colder. Cheryl saved us all by asking Meryl for more information on dressage and what to look for in a horse if you want to learn to ride. Dessert arrived and I thoroughly enjoyed the sorbet that was served. I saw Wyatt walk over our server and saw the waiter shake his head and point at me. Wyatt signaled me to come to him. It seems that Wyatt had wanted to pay the check and found that I had already taken care of it. He offered to reimburse me for the dinners. I explained to him that I was a member of the club and got a substantial discount (not true), and since I had been the one to invite them, I should pay the bill. He seemed uncomfortable with that so I counter proposed that he get the bill next time. That appeased him but then he asked me to join him at the bar for a drink. To avoid another go round with the check, I explained I would have to pay since I was a club member and he was not (not true but I needed it to cover for my earlier white lie). He asked for a beer and I asked if he minded me picking which one. Wyatt liked to try whatever was on tap that he had never had before but said he would follow my lead. I asked William for two of the Kulmbacher Eisbach's and two of the dimpled glasses. Wyatt asked if I drank here a lot since I knew the bartender by name. William laughed and explained that he was an undergrad at CalTech and that he had worked on several projects for me. I admitted that William had told me about the beer and how it had originated. Since I had always wanted to try it I let Wyatt know it was chance for both of us to try something new. We both agreed the "ice bock" had an interesting flavor. We tried chit chat to fill the dead air but other than Penny we really had nothing in common.

I could tell he was building up to asking me some questions so I helped by asking him what was troubling him. He was worried that Sheldon was paying too much attention to his daughter too soon after Kurt. It seemed he and I shared a common aversion to giving the occurrence a proper title, so as not to make it real. I told him that Amy and I had discussed it. Wyatt was visibly relieved to know that Amy was aware of it. He admitted to really having a problem with those that cheat on their spouses. I gave him a little background on Sheldon and let him know that when Sheldon was in the hospital, Penny had been visiting him after her CCF shifts. She had loaned him her iPod and had downloaded newspapers and several Sci-Fi classic books recorded by LibriVox on to it. She had told Sheldon that she knew inner ear problems made even sleeping uncomfortable. She thought that since he could not read he might like to listen to some books. Sheldon expressed his concern about her spending money she did not have and she reminded him that the iPod was just a loan, and that LibriVox downloads were free because they were recorded by volunteers and the books were in the public domain. Another night she came in and had been shushed by Sheldon because his Mom had had a long day and was asleep in the chair. Since Sheldon was having a particularly rough night he had asked Penny to sing him Soft Kitty. She got it right on the third try. Amy had walked in while she finished singing and realized that Penny was petting Sheldon like you would a frightened animal. Since she needed to get home Penny had kissed Sheldon on the forehead and told him "get well sweetie". Since Amy was staying for awhile, Penny convinced Mary to let her drive her to the apartment so she could get a decent nights sleep. Wyatt seemed pleased with how his daughter had behaved but was still concerned about the way Sheldon was always around. I tried to explain to him that until Amy had come along Sheldon paid little attention to gender, and used his genius to separate himself from those around him. Wyatt still had concerns so I gave him an example of a Sheldonism. I explained that Sheldon hated to receive gifts because social norms required him to buy one of equal, or better, value than the one he received. He would complain about it enough that slowly no one other than his family sent him gifts. Wyatt still looked dubious. I explained further that since Penny's explanation of an experience she had had with a horse with an inner ear infection had gotten a busy ER doctor to take a second look at Sheldon and that, by Sheldon's standards, had saved his life. Wyatt saw where I was going. He said this was Sheldon meeting his social obligation to return the gift Penny had given him. Since he considered her gift to be his life, Sheldon was doing everything he could to repay the gift. I explained that this was made worse by the fact that Sheldon is not able to function well in society so any actions on his part always seem awkward. It was likely he had googled what needed to be done because he had no experience with it himself. To make matters work Sheldon often asked himself "what would Leonard do" because in his eyes I was a well adjusted member of society. Wyatt got it. Sheldon had no ulterior motive other than doing whatever it took to get Penny's "life" back. I let him know what Amy had told me that from Penny's point of view Sheldon was not a man or a woman, just a non-threatening human that she could hold without having to explain herself. Sheldon was a life vest for her to cling to till the ocean got less choppy. Wyatt seemed to be happy with that but obviously still had questions. So I asked him again. His other problems were with me. Why was I allowing Penny and Cheryl to takeover my room? Why had I taken care of moving Penny's belongings out of her old apartment? Why was a man with my reputation involved with this at all? Why was my Mother calling them to recommend a rape counselor who could help them thru this trying time?

The answers were easy. Sheldon had offered my room as soon as he heard Penny was in trouble, I was impressed with his actions so I raised no objections. Cheryl had planned to move Penny's belongs herself. That way Penny did not need to return to her old apartment. I had found out from another CCF employee and since I was unable to move the items myself had hired a local hungry students group to do it instead. I paid them to move Cheryl's possessions from her old apartment to the apartment of her new roommate here in Pasadena. Cheryl would be closer to work and having a roommate would help her save money. Penny's possessions were in a nearby self help storage site. As for my reputation I explained that a lot of it was due to classified work I did for the government, so I could not legally explain any of my actions. As for the supermodels I showed him a picture on my phone of the Cooper family. I pointed out that while Sheldon's sister was drop dead gorgeous, she was not in fact a supermodel, and was currently working at a FuddRuckers outside of Galveston Texas. As for the second model I explained that that was in fact a photo of Cheryl with me, and as he knew, Cheryl was a waitress at CCF and Penny's friend. As for my Mother calling it was most likely in a response to request from Sheldon for help with Penny. He looked puzzled and I explained that Sheldon and my Mother were very similar in demeanor and as they put if "very comfortable" with each other. He offered condolences that my Mother had a closer relationship with my roommate than with me, and I explained loving Mother was like hugging a cactus, the further away you could be, the more you could appreciate it. I gave him my card with my cell and email address on it and told him to call me if needed anything. I was about to head upstairs to see how the others were doing and he explained that Meryl had arranged for everyone to go ahead and leave without us so Wyatt and I would be able to talk. As I was driving him back to his hotel he asked me one more question because it was bugging him. He wanted to know why I made Penny call me Dr. Hofstadter when I let everyone else call me Leonard. I explained he would need to ask Penny since I had been asking her since the first day we were introduced to call me Leonard. His response was that if Slugger did something there was usually a reason. Problem was she would seldom explain that to anyone else.

We met at the CCF a couple of times after Penny went back to work (we were rotating visits so we could be around more often at closing time). Sandy the CCF manager had made it policy that no one working the late shift leave the building without a buddy and announced that CCF corporate office had authorized the installing off CCTV in the restaurant and by all of the doors. They had also paid to have the lighting in the employee parking area brightened and for CCTV to be installed there. In a strange but true moment we found out the Carl from across the hall was getting married to one one of the guys he had met at our Tai Chi class. While I knew Carl from the class I had no idea he was our cross hall neighbor. Penny being a social butterfly found out and talked Carl into subletting his apartment since he would be moving into a house with his fiancee. This meant that Penny would still be able to hang out at our place and her folks would have someone local to call if they could not reach her. This made Wyatt feel a little better about returning to the farm. I had the "hungry students" group move Penny's possessions to her new apartment. We helped Penny unpack and she was settled in her own apartment by the end of the week. I must say it was nice to have my own bed back.

I had to replace the pillows because the old ones made me sneeze (possibly from the perfume the ladies wore) so I bought some new hypo-allergenic ones Things were back to normal.

 **Goodbye Mr. Spaulding**

It was about 3 weeks after Penny's parents had left. We had been working full tilt on a project to expand the use of lasers in manufacturing and decided to treat ourselves to dinner at CCF and a late viewing of Mission Impossible 3.

Bernadette and Howard had been running late so they had us order for them. We were discussing reviews we had heard on the MI 3 movie when someone running across the restaurant caught my eye. Penny was running full tilt with a baseball bat in her hands and she was yelling something. Then it finally sunk in "Bernadette needs help" was what she was yelling. I headed for the entrance followed quickly by Cheryl. The manager Sandy was already on the phone to alert the police. I got outside just in time to see Penny slammed into the side of a car and go down. Howard was on the ground, bleeding from a cut on his head and not moving. Then I saw Bernadette being manhandled by some huge drunk. She was wailing away on him but he did not seem to be feeling any of the blows. When she kneed him in his genitals and he did not seem to notice, I revised drunk to be drugged. Cheryl was on the phone to the police and I saw Penny swing the bat again, catching the man across the back of the knee. He turned and kicked her, releasing Bernadette who fell to the ground. He was fumbling for something in his pocket and it seemed to be taking forever for me to get to him. He turned toward me and knowing I only had one chance I did a spin kick. Through sheer force of will it caught him in the shoulder sending him and his weapon flying backward.

You know how you have those moments when everything is crystal clear. You know something needs to be done and your body starts doing it before your brain can get in the way. This was not one of them. I was too out of shape to have even tried it and with my injuries from the explosion I definitely should not have used that leg to sweep him with. I heard a snapping sound and got an intense spear of pain in my leg. My momentum carried me into the car Penny was lying next to. The impact hurt so bad I almost blacked out. I tried to turn toward the Neanderthal that had hurt my friends but a new wave of pain shot thru me and my vision began to dim. He was making threats to settle me (he may have been looking at Howard who was beginning to stir). I tried to move again and almost passed out. As my sight began to dim I watched as he edged towards me. A second set of feet came into view just slightly behind him. Penny leaned down and picked up the bat.

I heard her say, "Not without my permission" and then there was a loud thud and then a groan. He staggered but did not go down. I heard her say, "I loved you" and there was another loud thud and then a groan. The Neanderthal was now on the ground facing me. It was Penny's ex-boyfriend Kurt. I shifted again and was washed in another wave of pain. My vision was down to a small circle of light and then I swear I heard Penny say, "no one hurts my friends" and another thud. No groan this time. Penny dropped down into my view. She was crying and rocking back and forth, repeating no one hurts my friends. I could not believe it. Here she was confronting the monster that had betrayed her trust (yes I know it is cowardly but I just cannot say it, to say the word gives it mass) and she was angry that he had hurt her friend. Cheryl rushed over and grabbed hold of her. Think, think, think. I shifted again but this round of pain seemed to chase away the darkness. I asked Cheryl to hand me the bat. She looked surprised to hear my voice. Using the bat as a cane I drug myself over to Kurt. A quick check showed him as alive. The pain was intense. I cleaned the bat off on his shirt, then I was going to try to make it look like I was the one who worked him over with the bat. The CCTV would make that attempt pointless so I just sat down next to him. Penny was watching me. I wanted to tell her it was ok, I would handle everything. I am sure she would have believed me if another wave of pain had not hit and the darkness claimed me for its own.

I woke up briefly in the ambulance to the sound of a hysterical Penny asking if "he" was dead. Was Kurt dead? Please God not Howard. I tried to speak but the oxygen had dried out my throat so I was only making a really creepy gurgling noise. The paramedic checked something, made an adjustment and things started to go dark again. My brain kicked in one last thought. What if "he" was me? Then I was out.


	30. Chapter 30

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you for the reviews.**

 **Recovery**

I woke up at the hospital to the smiling face of Stephanie. We ran through the usual questions. Howard had a mild concussion. Bernadette was still foaming at the mouth (apparently Bernadette had suggested digging into the county lockup and beating Kurt with a metal bat this time) but was only bruised. Stephanie was concerned about Penny, but only because she seemed too calm. Sheldon was stressing about all the changes in his routine, and Amy had moved back in to help him thru it. I had a severely broken ankle and a surgeon had to install two pins to help the healing process. I would be bed ridden for a week and if the bone healed properly should be able to switch to a wheel chair. Eventually I should be able to move to crutches. Bottom line was I would not be going anywhere fast for the next 8 -12 weeks.

While all of this was bad news it in no way matched the severity of the look on Stephanie's face. After a little wheedling on my part she finally told me her news. Stephanie had met someone and wanted to date them. Even though our relationship was friends with benefits she had been hesitant to say anything since my life had been a little stress filled lately. I asked her flat out, was this goodbye Leonard, or just goodbye friends with benefits option. She wanted to remain friends without benefits. I explained to her that sex with her was fantastic, but I would miss the friendship more. She got teary eyed (very unlike Stephanie) and kissed me on the cheek. I made her promise to bring him over to the group lunch so we could all judge my replacement. She did her famous giggle-snort and told me she would stop by. She promised that once her new beau was comfortable with her friends she would introduce him to me.

 **Can someone give the poor guy a hug?**

Next to enter was Nicolette and Jerry. Mrs. Latham had sent them to verify that I had not "broken his fool head".

Nicolette made some cooing noises over my injury and Jerry told her to quite "torturing me" and that, "the poor guy needs a hug", which she carefully did. Not to be outdone, Nicolette gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We discussed my actions of the previous day and Jerry made a comment about maybe changing their minds since I obviously had a poor flight or fight response. Any child of mine might be prone to chancy behavior. Seeing my look, Nicolette explained that they had been trying to build up the nerve to ask me to donate sperm so they could start a family. I was surprised and mentioned the fact that they might like their child to be able to get a decent view of a parade while eating an ice cream cone. They said that my intellect, my compassion, my curly hair, and that "cute little toucas" is what they wanted for their child. They were hopeful that Jerry's height might be inherited and they could live without dairy if they needed to. I would incur no responsibility for the children (plural, I did not catch that until much later). Since Nicolette could not conceive they would use eggs harvested from Jerry, fertilize them in-vitro, and Nicolette would carry them to term. I did not give them an answer right away. If I supplied the sperm I could not see a situation where I would not feel responsible for bringing a child into this world. Both Jerry and Nicolette appreciated my concerns and asked me to consider it. I agreed to sleep on it.

Jerry had news from Mr. Sipes and Evelyn Brewer. They would be arriving in Pasadena a week from Friday. Since Mrs. Latham's mansion was already wheel chair accessible she decided they were going to stay with her for the duration of their visit to California. This had the added benefit that their meetings and meals could all be done at the mansion with a minimum of travel. We were making plans for me to join them at Mrs. Latham's when a nurse asked them to leave so the Doctors could check on my state of health (Doctors plural, caught it that time.) I had forgotten this was a teaching hospital so this meant interns, in the process of learning how to act like doctors, would be reviewing my chart. It was fairly painless process except for when the attending had asked me to lower the top of my gown so they see how my wounds had healed.

I saw one of the interns wince when they saw the old scars, but he recovered enough to be careful checking the new wounds.

The doctor showed them what injuries I had and would ask them to determine by its appearance what had caused the wound. After 30 minutes cataloging my scars the doctor thanked me for my patience and they moved on to the next patient.

 **Time wounds all heels**

I found out when Amy and Raj arrived that Stephanie had texted everyone once I woke up. The plan had been to come in and visit in waves. Howard was feeling poorly so he and Bernadette were staying at his Mom's house till he recovered. Amy let me know that Sheldon and Penny were at the apartment annoying each other. I asked about Kurt. Amy told me that he was in the hospital ward of the LA county jail. He had 3 broken ribs, a broken wrist, he was missing 2 teeth, and he had lost one testicle. He had tried to claim our gang had jumped him in the parking lot. He was claiming that 4 people, ranging in height from 4'11" to 5'9", had jumped a heavily muscled, 6'6" tall, Kurt. The CCTV footage clearly showed him attacking Howard without provocation. Since he also had a felony warrant issued he was arrested and sent to the county lockup. I was to expect a detective to stop by for my statement

According to Amy, Sandy, the manager at CCF, told Penny and Bernadette that corporate was giving them four weeks off, with pay, so they could get counseling. Then Penny was docked 2 weeks pay for not waiting for the police (corporate policy). Then Sandy had given Penny an envelope from their Regional and District managers with her prize for being chosen as most valuable employee for August. You guessed it, the envelope held cash that equalled two weeks pay. Sandy then announced that they were discontinuing the award and reminded everyone that corporate policy is that they should wait for the police.

 **The changing of the guard**

Raj went next. He relayed Dr. Blake's get well wishes and let me know that my apartment was being setup to function as a remote office. The experiments I was working on were to sensitive to wait and there was no one qualified to take over for me. He also reminded me that Dr. Blake's retirement party was next Wednesday and we still had not picked a gift up for him.

Dr. Blake had taken Dr. Gabblehauser for a walk through the department so he could meet, in his words, "all the physicists that were currently vertical". Raj had traded pleasantries and Dr. Gabblehauser had asked him to pass on his well wishes to me.

Raj then reminded me that Dr. Gabblehauser's welcome party was on the 19th. All this while I tried to navigate on one leg. Another man might have been overwhelmed, but after recent events I decided any day I was not under police investigation was a good day.

I jinxed myself because thats when the police detective arrived. Amy and Raj excused themselves and promised to visit again soon.

 **That was easy**

The detective saw me stiffen and let me know that the cctv recordings were more than sufficient proof and showed me a statement that matched most of the events I could remember. He had a few questions about events that happened off camera. Then I signed the statement. I asked why send a detective to get a statement and he mentioned that he needed to find out if this event in anyway involved the people I had been working for. I told him as far as I could see it was a domestic issue. He thanked me for my cooperation and left.

I would like to say I had a fun evening of intellectual banter. I would like to say I wiled away the hours watching informational programs on the TV. I could say I spent the hours contemplating my work. Basically what happened is the pain killers kicked in and I slept soundly till the nurse roused me for my nightly sleeping pill. You know the drill.


	31. Chapter 31

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. I apologize for the long delay between posts. I had severe writers block and after multiple re-writes I decided to post this chapter. Thank you for reading.**

 **Tell me of your home world, Usul**

I need you to understand something. I am not oblivious to the fairer sex but I do seem to have a blind spot when it comes to them. Nicolette explained it as a self esteem issue. At some level I believed that I was not worth loving so therefore I was blind to any flirting or attention I received from women. I had of course told her that that was ludicrous since I had dated several different women and had remained friends with all of them long after we stopped dating.

Nicolette laughed at this response and simply asked me to tell her how I had asked out any of the women I had dated. After careful review I could not remember one instance. I found this interesting because it was as if every relationship I had had went from just friends, to lovers, to ex-lovers, and back to just friends. She said I was the "practice boyfriend". Women would meet me, find something interesting, and then date me. Fine tuning their game and determining what they wanted out of a relationship. Once they had figured that out, the relationship with me would end and they would start dating again looking for those traits they had determined would make for a good partner. I would enjoy the intimacy while it was offered but made no effort to extend the relationship once the woman had decided to move on. She cited the fact that all of my relationships ended amicably as proof I was more interested in the idea of a relationship rather than actually being in one. While I am not sure her theory was correct it would explain why it took me so long to realize that Penny was infatuated with me.

Originally I put off her daily visits to see me at the hospital down to boredom. All of her friends were at work and her daily visits to the therapist were just a brief hour of her day. Originally Penny had planned to spend every free hour attending open calls or any auditions her agent had arranged for her, but nothing came up. She told me she had tried shopping (she admitted that she was addicted to shoes, she enjoyed the hunt for, the trying on of, and in some cases the buying of, shoes), but that was getting expensive. Since her run in with Kurt her shopping trips had gotten out of hand. Her Therapist had told her to try to curtail (not stop) shoe shopping. Instead she was to limit the time spent on each trip, reducing it 5 minutes each day. I believed that visiting my sick bed was a distraction for her at first. As her shopping trips got shorter her time spent with me grew longer. Then I noticed she was dressing nicer (actually Stephanie noticed and pointed it out to me). She explained this away by saying that she was trying to find a pair of shoes to go with the outfit she was wearing (even thought the shoes she was wearing looked great). Penny was always "chatty" (Raj's description of her) but later I realized she had very been interested in my dating history and my early life in general. Then I noticed that she was touching me a lot. Little things at first, hair out of place, food spilt on my gown, and even sleepers in my eyes. Penny even went as far as helping the nurse change my ankle wrap (apparently she had done this on injured horses and got a nod of approval from the nurse when she wrapped my ankle). Since I was to be given a walking cast while the incision healed, Penny volunteered to make sure the wrap was replaced daily till the walking cast was no longer needed. I was not used to this kind of attention from a woman (if Nicolette is correct I may have just not noticed before) so the signs that would have alerted most guys, took me a while to recognize. In my defense her calling me "Dr. Hofstadter" instead of Leonard had added to my confusion.

I was basking in the heat of the solarium, contemplating one of the projects I was working on, when the reason Penny called me "Dr. Hofstadter" came to me. The incident had occurred at a Halloween party the University had thrown the year before. I was dressed as Hans Solo and leaning against the bar drinking a rum and coke. It had been a bad couple of days and if it weren't for the fact my attendance was requested by the Dean, I would have been home soaking in the tub. Being a mature adult my response to this imposition was to drink too much alcohol and glower at the world in general. While I was standing there trying to look put out by life in general, someone had bumped into me, spilling my drink down my front. I turned to find a blonde woman, dressed up as a cheerleader and wearing a kitty cat mask. She had turned in my direction, saw me staring at her and accused me of leering at her. She then told me off about being rude by staring at her like she was a piece of meat. I assumed she was an undergrad or grad student and proceeded to explain to her that she was not my type and that I had only turned toward her to get a napkin to clean up the drink she had made me spill. She then pointed out her boyfriend (who was a hulking brute (Kurt) wearing a tiki mask and a grass skirt) standing across the room, and explained that he was extremely jealous and that "Buddy you better mind your p's and q's" (I mean who takes that way anymore). I admit I just assumed she was one of those woman who enjoyed watching their boy friends beat some poor schmuck up and told her that I was "Dr. Hofstadter" and that if she and her pet Neanderthal caused any problems I would have them thrown out. I realized later that it sounded both infantile and pompous but at the time I didn't care. I was tired, a bit drunk, and severely annoyed at having to attend the party. Her friend upon hearing my name took a closer look at me and then grabbed the blonde by the elbow and pulled her away because "that guy is trouble". I found out later from Penny that her friend Ali had told her all about me including some of the more ludicrous rumors. Later when Penny met me for the "first" time at CCF, she had been irked that I did not recognize her from the party. She was using the "Dr. Hofstadter" to refresh my memory. When that had failed to get a response, it had become a kind of game to see how long it would take me to figure it out. Apparently everyone knew about this, except for myself and Wyatt. My friends had created a pool to see how long it would take me to figure it out (I found out Howard had won when he offered to split the proceeds with me).

I had fallen asleep (the wheel chair they were training me to use had so many adjustments I thought I was going to need Howard to operate it, but man was it comfortable), my feet raised and the back of my head toward the window, when my nose started to itch. I groggily tried to brush away the irritant but received a very quiet giggle after my third attempt. When I opened my eyes I was looking up into the face of a very pleased with herself Penny. She had been using a lock of her hair to tickle my nose. Since she was leaning over the back of the chair I was basically looking up her nose and the sun was making a halo of her blonde hair. I asked her how Kitty was doing and she smiled and called me Leonard. I was trying to find something to else to say but as always, I was over thinking things and was afraid to say something that would remind her of that idiot Kurt. I mean what do you say? I then heard this idiot asking her how was your day. Then the ever inane, how is the weather outside. I was just about to add a third equally stupid question to the mix when Penny put a finger to my lips. She walked around the chair and sat down next to me. She then proceeded to spend the next 2 hours discussing all of her sessions with her rape counselor. I will not lie, there were times I wanted to crawl out of the wheel chair and get away, but the pleading look she gave me had locked me into place. I will not go into details because it is not my story to share. For the conversation concerning me directly she basically told me that her counselor and she had agreed that her crush on me might be related to my failed attempt to protect her. The counselor also suggested that since she saw me as damaged goods, Penny believed a relationship with me might be safe. I began to see a pattern as she brought up the term "damaged goods" frequently. I explained to her I had no issues with us going out on dates, only that we needed to take it slow. Rebounding into a relationship with a man unlike any other she dated in the past, would make things difficult. She brought up damaged goods again and I got a little angry. I was not hesitant because of what happened to her, I was being cautious because I believed any relationship she started might cause her additional pain. She studied me for a while and then her insecurities took control. She went from accusing me of rejecting her because of what Kurt had done to her, to accusing me of thinking she was not good enough for me. I almost said that was idiotic but I knew she would turn it and accuse me of calling her an idiot. Her eyes had that same fire in them as the night she had beat down Kurt and I knew I had to do something right away to defuse the situation, so I took the easy way out. I grabbed my leg and winced as if in severe pain. I knew the only thing stronger than her insecurities was Penny's drive to protect those she cared about. The anger had drained from her face and she suddenly was holding my hand and asking me what was wrong. I pleaded that it was just a twinge and that the pain was already subsiding. She started apologizing for getting angry at me. I waved that off and asked her let me explain my concerns.

Being a scientist at heart I offered my thoughts as a list:

1) She was a very beautiful woman, and I was a damaged nerd.

2) Even in the hospital room men were constantly hitting on her. My self esteem would not handle that well, let alone the attention she would attract in public.

3) She was a social butterfly, gregarious and friendly with everyone. I was socially awkward and had trouble maintaining relationships with anyone other than those in science related fields (ok that was not quite true anymore but it fit for most of my close friends).

4) Her idea of a great date was dinner and dancing. I was too self-conscious to enjoy dancing (and I was really bad at it, one friend had likened it to the spasms of a fish out of water). I preferred dinner and a movie (not starring Jennifer Aniston and not about finding love "that was right there all along!")

5) She was just coming out of a 4 year relationship that ended poorly. My relationships did not last long and were obviously un-satisfying for my partners since almost all of my exe's were in serious relationships within 6 months of breaking up with me.

6) She was all about family and had close relationships with her parents. My family was dysfunctional and I actually knew more about Sheldon's family than I did of my own.

7) She had one heck of temper. I hated confrontation unless it could not be avoided.

8) She was training to be an actress, a field where you are always under public scrutiny. I was a scientist, a field where you are seldom in the public eye.

9) She believed in Psychics, I believed in Physics.

and the one that would be the most difficult

10) Penny believed sex was just another way to show affection and she enjoyed it. I had avoided casual sex and usually only enjoyed it when I was in a relationship with my partner.

I stopped talking, waiting for her list of reasons when she surprised me by saying, "I like being with you. You like being with me. The rest we can work out."

I listened to those words, and saw the look of certainty on her face, and took the only reasonable option. I capitulated.

Penny smiled and told me that when I was more mobile the group would go out on a date. We would decide the next step after that.

So that's how I ended up dating Penny (and once again the woman had initiated the relationship).


	32. Chapter 32

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you.**

 **The dating game**

After deciding we should date, Penny's demeanor changed. While she had been touching me frequently during her visits before she now seemed intent on finding every scar and blemish she could on my body. She was absolutely fascinated with my lock of white hair and the fact that I had no fingerprints on my left hand. She would run her fingers over the tips of both sets of fingers, comparing them and asking questions. She was frustrated that all I could tell her was that it happened in a lab accident while I was working on a restricted project for the DOD. I realized that her actions were very OCD and that living with Sheldon had helped me recognize her need to control her environment. I was curious to see what shape her apartment was in. I could almost imagine Penny and Sheldon organizing her new apartment. Stacking things on shelves in alphabetical order or possibly size. I realized I would be dealing with two neurotics and I had volunteered in each case.

Dating Penny was going to be a lot of work. Her self worth seemed to be tied up in her looks alone. She had said in many different ways that she could have any man she wanted as long as his only standard was her beauty and her sexual prowess (paraphrased not her exact words), but she could not keep them. Other than that she did not feel that she had anything else to offer men. Penny had said on more than one occasion that she was jealous of Nicolette and Jerry because they were both smart and beautiful. This revelation forced me to consider that I would need to practice great restraint with Penny. By nature Penny was very affectionate. Judging by the stories of her exes most of her relationships started quickly and burnt out as fast. Kurt was the first long term relationship she had had and it had lasted as long because she thought he was the one. He was everything she always thought she needed. He took charge, initiated sex frequently, and liked to show her off to his friends. She had believed that was love. Even when she found glasses with lipstick on them when she came home or even when she found someones bra in his car, she ignored it. Penny could not stand cheaters but she ignored it with Kurt because she thought she deserved him. That phrase stuck in my mind. She stayed with Kurt because she believed "she" deserved him. That worried me.

Don't get me wrong. For the short time I had known her I knew she was more than just a face. I watched her at the CCF and how she handled her customers. She did her best to ignore the passes and the leers from some of the men but when she was waiting on the elderly or the very young she was very patient. I watched her walk an elderly lady thru most of the (huge) menu because she had forgotten her glasses. I saw her grab the hand of a man who was obviously confused on where he was and quietly walking him over to his table where a distraught family were berating each other for not watching him closer. I realized that she talked to him softly almost like you would when trying to gentle a panicked animal. Another time I watched a five year old boy drop a large spoonful of vegetable into her apron pocket. The parents were embarrassed but Penny just laughed and told them not to worry. The best measure of her was how she and Sheldon interacted. Sheldon is abusive (orally, not physically) and through his actions he manages to drive most people away from him. Once isolated he can control his environment because the chaos that is people, has been removed. Penny saw past Sheldon's shield and traded barbs with him, while simultaneously drawing him out of his shell. While Amy (saint that she is) has managed to get inside the shield to a degree, Penny was the one who managed to briefly pull him out from behind it. Just look at the unlikely actions of those two hugging and consoling each other. Penny is a very sexual being, Sheldon has no use (so he says) of that aspect of his life. Though that portion of their relationship abated once Penny's life was a little more under control, they still spent a lot of time together, Amy on one side, and Penny on the other. I had tried to explain this to Howard when he had heard that Penny and Sheldon were found asleep in his bed. He, like most people, could not get past man, woman, bed. I finally showed him a video I had seen in Psych 101. The narrator explained that a newborn monkey had been rejected by its mother. It could not sleep and refused to eat. In order to save it the zoo keepers had built a "mom" for it. They took a wire shell and fixed a clock inside of it. Then they wrapped it with a heating pad and sealed the whole thing inside a soft tufted blanket. The newborn clung to it's new mom, attracted by the heartbeat (the clock ticking) and the warmth of it's body. With hands and feet dug into the blanket the newborn was sleeping more and accepting bottled food. That was what I saw when I found Penny and Sheldon sleeping. She was clinging to his clothing, listening to his heart beat and was finally able to sleep. Sheldon was Penny's wired shell, allowing her the comfort, with none of the sexual undertones, until she no longer needed it. He was what she needed, because he had to be, nothing else.

I needed a plan of action. If I wanted to be the "practice" boyfriend I should just follow her lead. If I wanted a serious relationship then I would need to set some ground rules. Penny's worse mistakes occur when she is drinking. While it is too simplistic a version of what happens, here is what I thought. Penny used alcohol to relax and temporarily be happy. Alcohol eventually made her depressed. To get past that she would have sex. It pushed her past the depression, made her body invigorated, and released her mind for that brief time (the little death). Later she would regret her actions, use more alcohol to relax. You get the picture. If Penny and I were to establish a real relationship that would have to change. I would have to avoid drinking in her presence, and no matter how tempting, I needed to "just say no" to sex when she has been drinking. No drinking meant dates had to be in venues where booze was not part of the atmosphere. No bars , no clubs, and no parties. In order to keep her attention I will need to find activities for us to do that will keep her engaged and having fun. Next we have her control issues. Since being attacked (sorry still to much of a coward to say it, words have power) Penny's taste in men had changed from Neanderthals to Nerds. One was take charge and she did what he wanted, when he wanted it. The other was more malleable. He would be grateful for the attention and would come running anytime she crooked a finger. His fate would be that of the yo-yo, thrown away and then pulled back. When her insecurities took the field she would break up with him and because she was beautiful he would take it. He would win her back and the process would start all over again. I needed to find something in between. I needed our relationship to be as equals or neither one of us would be happy in the end. I knew where to start. Planning of dates would alternate between us. I would pay the way, only until she got a job where we could alternate that too. She felt I was to smart for her but that I would settle because she was beautiful. I knew she was smart just not well educated. I needed to be damned sure to not suggest going back to school. If she decided on her own, I would support but I must curb my enthusiasm lest I drive her away from it. Penny's dream was to become a working actress, this meant I would need to support her by reading scripts with her, attending plays her acting class produced, and generally support her in that endeavor. Worse I needed to be honest with her and not just tell her what she wants to hear. That would end the relationship faster than anything else. I knew I had a tendency to make a fuss about getting a degree. If it comes up I will force myself to remember Bill Gates dropped out of university to do what he wanted to do. A degree is only as good as what you do with the knowledge you gained by earning it. I also realized I owed Howard an apology, busting on him about not having a doctorate was not something a friend should do.

 **Arriving at gate 5A**

I had arranged to leave the hospital 2 days early so I could meet Mr. Sipes and Evelyn Brewer at the airport. The conversion van I had leased was surprising. The wheel chair had a quick connect lock installed on it that's mate was installed in the passenger compartment of the van. Once the chair was docked you only needed to lock the wheel chairs brakes and slide the seatbelt into place and buckle in. This particular van model had the passengers' side front seat removed so that both Mr. Sipes and I could be carried in it comfortably and still have room for the driver and two passengers. Since the van was a side entry there was also a small area behind the passenger bench that could hold one or two travel bags. The chair leased for Mr. Sipes was locked into place in the passenger spot and we were ready to roll. Penny already how to work the van and volunteered to drive (since she had 2 more weeks of paid leave left and was getting bored) us out to the Airport (with Jerry along to ferry the 2nd chair to the arrival gate).

Jerry was quiet on the drive and Penny kept looking at her in the rear view mirror. Finally she broke down and told Jerry to ask me.

It was pretty straight forward. Jerry and Nicolette were concerned that I was hesitant to donate because I disapproved of their life style. I told her I thought any relationship you were happy in, was a good one. She asked me if my history with Nicolette was the problem. I let her know that I viewed Nicolette as a good friend, with no intention of trying to relive our college days. Then she asked if my problem was with her. I shook my head and simply told her I thought they would be great parents but I was hesitant to donate since I believed a man was responsible for any child he sired, regardless of the method it was conceived. I eventually was able to pursued Jerry that this was not a legal issue but a personal one. Jerry looked relieved and Penny told her "I told you so". Penny also gave me a look that said we would be talking of this later. We haven't even had our first official date and I am already in the dog house.

We reached the arrival gates just in time to see Evelyn gesturing to the Red Cap, which bags on the carousel were theirs. Mr. Sipes was sitting in one of the airports travel carts while the baggage was loaded. He smiled as we walked up to him. Then he gave me the "why don't you introduce us" look. Reaching a decision I had been toying with for a while I introduced them,

Jerry Massey as Mrs. Latham's trouble shooter, Penny as my girlfriend and our driver, and then after a pause I introduced them to my Great Uncle William. Penny seemed pleased, Jerry looked surprised, and Mr. Sipes looked terribly pleased. He offered his hand and Jerry shook it, Penny on the other hand leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek because, as she said, he was family. It made for an interesting drive back to Mrs. Latham's mansion. Uncle William aka Mr. Sipes, was staying there because it already was handicap friendly ( Mr. Latham had been wheel chair bound for most of the last 5 years of his life). I wondered who would burst first, Jerry or Penny. As it was Evelyn surprised us all.


	33. Chapter 33

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you. I have a request, if anyone remembers one of the fics where Leonard meets Grandma Sweetie, please send me the name of the author or the story it was in. I want to use her as a character in this story but I cannot remember where I read it first. I want to give that person credit for coming up with the perfect name for Penny's maternal grandmother. Thank you for reading.**

 **Karma, Caramel, and Conundrums**

Evelyn Brewer was almost vibrating with tension as she waited for us all to get settled into the van. Since she appeared like she was about to burst, Mr. Sipes (sorry Uncle William just doesn't sound right to me so I will stick with this going forward) asked her to proceed with the good news. Evelyn handed me a check for $120,000. She held it out so only I could see it and said I needed to spend it before January 1st, preferably on something I could get a tax break for like the downpayment on a home, a gift to a charity, or starting a business. The firm's newest tax boffin had determined that due to certain tax changes that were to take affect in 2008, they should recommend that Mr. Sipes customers who had large portfolios, sell off a certain percentage of their stocks that had large gains. By doing this they could pay a lower tax on the profits than they would in the future. Now you must be thinking how did researcher at a university get a large enough portfolio to begin with. All of this was a direct result of Mr. Sipes investing the money I had inherited from my grandfather and from the sale of the non-voting stock I received for working in my Uncle Floyds' old company. I also had made so suggestions on Tech stock that had paid off.

As for my choice of stocks to purchase it followed no formula or intense study of company earnings. I invested the way I bought kids presents, I looked around, found something I would really enjoy playing with myself, and bought it for them. In the past if I saw or heard of some new tech or person that impressed me, I would ask Mr. Sipes to invest some of my money in them, or it. The most profitable investment I ever suggested occured in 1997 after I saw Steve Jobs speech where he told his fellow employees that Microsoft was going to bail Apple out (to the tune of a 150 million dollar stock purchase). What had impressed me was that Jobs was so certain that Apple could turn it around he made a deal with Bill Gates (Apples own personal devil) to help save his company. The speech was upbeat, even though Jobs seemed anxious he was also determined to succeed. I liked that a lot and asked Mr. Sipes to invest some more of my money in apple even though I believed at that time that the stock I already had purchase was worth well below what I paid for it (actually it was not lower, there had been a 2 for 1 stock split so the stock was worth less but now I had twice as much stock). Going by my track record to date Mr. Sipes also invested some of his personal money in as well. A year later that same stock had a return of 212%. Mr. Sipes had sold off half of the stock and reinvested the money in a more diversified portfolio. A year after that he and his group, had seen issues with tech stocks in general and he had slowly begun moving his clients money away from tech related stocks. While he lost several good customers over this move he was heralded as a financial genius when the tech bubble burst in 2000. Was I aware of all of this, no I was not. I had given Mr. Sipes my power of attorney. He had complete control over all my finances other than my wages. If I needed money for some large purchase, I asked him and he transferred it into my bank account. His firm even filed my taxes for me. Since I never asked what my net worth was I never gave specific orders when I did request a stock be purchased. A good example is even after the Tech bubble collapse, when I had heard rumors that Apple was going to release a mini music player that would sync up music with your computer I asked Mr. Sipes to invest some of my money in it. It worked out well for me but I have to admit while I was staring at the check that was the by-product of those investments, the only thing I was thinking was "cool, now I can buy an iPhone". Guys, from boy to man, we love our toys.

Jerry had noticed Evelyn's disappointment in my reaction and decided to distract her by commenting on how light she traveled (one small suit case apiece). Evelyn said that since all of her clothing was too "east coast" for this area and climate, she had decided to purchase appropriate clothing while she was here. Penny pounced on this, offering to take Evelyn shopping. Evelyn tried to decline the offer as being too much of an imposition, but I pointed out that Penny had excellent clothes sense and style. She also knew where to look for bargains. Evelyn's eyes lit up and she agreed to the venture. They had made plans when to go and Jerry asked if she and Nicolette could join them. They then called talked both Amy, and Bernadette, into joining them. By the time we reached Mrs. Latham's property, the three of them had turned the shopping trip into an all day event, shopping, then lunch, and then the spa. I must admit I was extremely nervous about my new girlfriend spending time with my ex-girlfriend. I had been around both ladies when they were discussing men and both of them were brutally honest in way that was too personal for my taste. Nicolette treated her time with her ex-boyfriends like experiments gone wrong. Reviewing what was done by who, with little regard for privacy. Penny was no better, some of the discussions I had overheard between her, Bernadette, and Amy would make a teamster blush. At one of our gatherings at the CCF, Penny responded to a question from Bernadette by saying she missed the days when she could go out, meet some hot guy at a club, bring him back home, do unspeakable things to him, then bite him on the ass, and kick him to the curb. Remembering that conversation made me have second thoughts on dating Penny. As if reading my mind, she looked back and smiled at me. That's when I realized that agreeing to date her was going to be the best decision I had ever made. Then I received a text message and everyones eyes turned to me.

I know what you are thinking, why would a car load of people all look at me when I received a text message. That is because my best friends sister, Missy, enjoys torturing me for having the temerity to turn her down. She is my best friends sister, I had no choice but to say no. She had in recent months sent me risqué (not tasteless) pictures of herself in various outfits and doing various activities, to remind me what I had missed out on. I had not responded to any of them and at the risk of sounding sexist, I have found that women loath being ignored. Missy found a fun way to retaliate. During her high school years she had made extra money babysitting. One of the miscreants she sat for regularly was a whiz at programming. He had told her how he had sent a text "bomb" to one of his friends so that any text message the friend got after opening it, his phone would make a noise like someone breaking wind. He and his friends found this hilarious. So did Missy. She then bribed said miscreant to create a text bomb for her. She then sent that to me. While nothing happened at the time of the text, everytime she texted me after that my phone would make a sound like a woman moaning in passion (I was pretty sure that Missy provided the sound track). This was quite embarrassing but she did only text me after hours and weekends. Being the tech savvy person that I am, I studied the phone to figure out what the text bomb had changed. I could find nothing. If I reset the ring tone it would switch back the next time I got any text message. I then set my phone to the factory defaults. After getting it all setup again the first text message I received, you got it, the moan returned. I had Howard check it out for me and much to his, and my, surprise he could not figure out how the kid had done it. Good friend that he is, he promptly called Missy and congratulated her on her prank. He then arranged a tele-meeting with the miscreant and the three of them began working on ways to turn this young text terrorist back to the path of goodness. Translation, the three of them formed a company and began looking at ways to make some money off of the kids tech genius (they did quite well actually. Eventually Missy quit Fud Ruckers and handled the books and public relations for the group). Back to my predicament. I had turned the ringer down on my phone to avoid this kind of thing but Penny trying to be helpful had turned it back up in case the travelers needed to reach me. So I explained to them what was going on. Everyone but Penny seemed highly amused by this. Penny on the other hand gave me that look. I cannot describe it for you but when Penny turns that on I can feel icicles forming on my bones. I knew there would be a discussion later.

The rest of the trip to Mrs. Latham's, Penny seemed to ignore me, but was quite friendly with everyone else. My mind raced trying to figure out what I could have done, and better yet how I could get myself out of it.

When we reached the driveway up to the mansion I saw my redemption. Mrs. Latham's stable was busy, and from a previous conversation, I knew that one of the grooms was out on maternity leave. I knew how to get in Penny's good graces again and at the same time provide something that would keep her occupied doing something she loved. Better still it did not involve drinking or shopping. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner. Life was good. I had a plan.


	34. Chapter 34

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you to all of the people who let me know Grandma Sweetie originated in** **'The Alternate Beginning Juxtaposition' by becuzitswrong. If you have not read this do yourself a favor and check it out.** **Thank you for reading.**

 **Shangri-La**

Mrs. Latham came outside to welcome Mr. Sipes to her home. They had talked to each other frequently over the last months but this was the first time they met in person. You would not have been able to tell that from the way they were talking to each other. They seemed more like very old friends who had not seen each other in a while. As we gathered to enter the house Mrs. Latham insisted on pushing Mr. Sipes up the short ramp to the front door and Penny, Jerry and I followed her in. As expected Mr. Sipes was to stay in the sun room which was slightly warmer than the rest of the house and was fully handicap accessible. He was able to move around under his own power, put the arthritis made it very painful. The hope was the sun and the warmth would relieve some of that pain.

I had asked Penny to fetch my pain pills from the van, she ran off looking concerned and Mrs. Latham came over to check on me.

I told her I needed an immense favor and quickly went over what I needed. Basically I wanted her to persuade Jerry to take Penny out to check the latest addition to the stable. If possible I was hoping the stable manager would ask Penny for a hand and maybe even ask her to work there part time if he found her qualified. It would be great for Penny to be around horses again and it would give her the chance to do something she really enjoyed, taking her mind off of her recent challenges. I had seen the pictures of a young Penny riding and the look of pure joy on her face had made me smile. I was determined to see that look again.

After assuring everyone that I was alright, I palmed the two tablets Penny gave me and drank down the water. I had barely set the glass down when Jerry and Nicolette walked in wearing jeans and boots and asked Penny if she wanted to go with them to look at the new mare.

After a quick change in to some jeans and boots Mrs. Latham lent her (they were close to the same height) the duo went off to the stables. While the rest of us retired to the lounge for coffee till dinner was served (I know, who talks that way, but in the mansion that is what it felt like they should have said). Instead of talking business Mrs. Latham, Mr. Sipes, Evelyn, and I traded pleasantries. I was eager to hear what they had found out about the lawsuit but Mr. Sipes explained to me that business was never discussed before the meal, it was bad for the digestion. Mrs. Latham had a little smile on her face at hearing that and Evelyn just nodded like it was common knowledge. So we sat there chatting away till dinner was served.

Penny, Nicolette, and Jerry had returned just before the first course was served, showered and back in their original clothes. Penny eyes were blazing and I could tell she wanted to share something but did not want to interrupt Mrs. Latham's conversation with Mr. Sipes. I saw Mr. Sipes look over at Penny and Mrs. Latham followed his gaze. She had an amused look on her face when she asked Penny how she liked the mare and Penny in one long unending sentence, and without taking a breath, gave Mrs. Latham her "report". I would like to tell you what she said but she talked so fast all I really heard was a long buzzing noise that was then followed by a request to Mrs. Latham if she could come back again tomorrow. She agreed but told Penny that for insurance purposes she would need to hire on as temporary groomsman. That meant everyone there would out rank here and she would need to obey all of their instructions. Penny didn't even ask how much, just what did she need to sign.

Amazingly enough Mrs. Latham just happened to have a copy of the contract nearby. Penny signed without even reading it. Mrs. Latham said that the insurance company would require a background check but that was just a formality. Penny looked crestfallen but then Mrs. Latham let her know that domestic issues were not pertinent and not to worry.

Mrs. Latham returned to her conversation with Mr. Sipes and Evelyn. Then I finally realized what had been bothering me all evening. Mr. Sipes called everyone by their title and family name, so did Mrs. Latham, what I finally realized was they were referring to each other as Jessica and William. This was interesting.

Penny, Nicolette and Jerry were discussing everything equine, training methods, breeds, and blood lines. Penny looked very happy and I have to admit I was the most relaxed I had been in a while.

That was my mistake I had believed this day was too good to be true, and Murphy's law caught up with me. What can go wrong, will go wrong. My phone moaned and the whole night went to crap. It was a text from Missy, Sheldon had done something stupid and would not talk about it. They wanted me to let them know what happened. Penny had given me a dirty look because of the Missy message, Mrs. Latham was looking at me questioningly, and the others were all snickering. Preparing for the worst I called Amy.

 **Meanwhile back at the ranch**

I admit it. I knew better. When I realized that the party to welcome Dr. Eric Gablehauser, as the new head of the Cal Tech physics department, was on the same day I was to pick up Mr. Sipes, I should have asked Jerry and Nicolle to pick them up while I attended the party with Sheldon. Instead I asked Amy if she would take Sheldon to it. She jumped at the chance to show off her shiny new boyfriend. Don't get me wrong it is not that I did not think Amy was a good choice to herd Sheldon thru the welcoming party. She is well versed in University politics and knows how to network to her advantage for funding. The problem was Amy had no experience with Sheldon in a crowd. One on one Sheldon she could handle. I had not taken into account that she would be dealing with Full-metal Sheldon. He overwhelmed her. Sheldon does not do well with crowds. It is an uncontrolled situation for someone who is so controlling he even schedules his bowel movements (I am not exaggerating, he posts his schedule online). Next are his issues with authority. He grades everyone by their IQ.

This means anyone set in a position above his must be smarter than Sheldon or he will not respect them. Since there are so few people who are near his IQ, he will always consider his boss an idiot and having no verbal filter at all, he generally ends up telling them that to their faces. The advantage to being a theoretical physicists is that as long as his studies cover what his grant was created for, Sheldon would pretty much be his own boss. The department head generally only arbitrated over any conflicts and thru fund raising made it possible for those studies to continue. So as Sheldon was meeting his new boss, the crowds, the lack of controlled environment, and his contempt for those not as smart as he, the pressure built causing Mt. Saint Sheldon to explode spewing a verbal barrage that covered the department head with comments about his not doing any relevant work in 15 years, that Dr. Gablehauser was not qualified to manage a person of his intellect, and my favorite stating that his books "dumbed down science to the point that it was a sequence of snip-its that could be read during the average bowel movement". The room got deathly quite and Dr. Gablehauser demanded an apology. Sheldon just looked surprised and refused. Dr. Gablehauser had no choice but to fire Sheldon on the spot, otherwise he risked losing control of the rest of the department on his first official day there.

Amy had taken Sheldon home and then emailed me the relevant details (which I never opened because I was having a good time). She later informed me that when he wouldn't talk to her she had texted Missy asking her to call. Sheldon took the call but said nothing. After that he had asked Amy to take to him to the grocery store so he could by various types of eggs. He intended to perfect the scrambled egg. Holy crap on a cracker. One of the greatest minds of our generation was spending his day trying to perfect scrambled eggs. Anyone who has ever cooked an egg knows that this is good as they get. I knew if he apologized Dr. Gablehauser would allow Sheldon to return. I also knew Sheldon would refuse to do that. Fixing this was going to require help from someone more Sheldon capable than I was . We needed to fly Mary Cooper in to fix this. I excused myself, went out into the foyer and started making calls. I think Murphy was an optimist.


	35. Chapter 35

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. Thank you to all of the people who let me know Grandma Sweetie originated in** **'The Alternate Beginning Juxtaposition' by becuzitswrong. If you have not read this do yourself a favor and check it out.** **Thank you for reading.**

 **Truth or Consequences**

Do you know what is really annoying when you are temporarily without the use of one leg? You cannot pace. I like to pace. It gets the blood flowing and while you are pacing most people instinctively leave you alone. I knew Sheldon getting fired was an annoyance, not a disaster. What it would require was someone to climb into the cage and work the whip and the chair till Sheldon saw the light and apologized. That is all that was required. Dr. Gablehauser knew the value of having a mind like Sheldon's associated with the University. The problem was that once Sheldon had announced to the whole department that he was not a worthy department head, Gablehauser knew he would have to put Sheldon down hard or chance the other prima donna's in the department launching their own coups. Several of the people in that room believed they should have been promoted to the spot and departments have been brought to a stand-still over smaller matters.

No, getting Dr. Gablehauser to accept the apology was easy, the question was who would work the whip and chair to convince Sheldon he needed to do this. I considered taking a stab at it, but if Sheldon dug his heels in, I would never be able to influence him in the future. So I called Mary Cooper and offered to fly her out to see if she could talk some sense into him.

Mary told me she would come out but that it needed to wait a few days till Sheldon realized that no cheering crowd was going to demand he be re-instated and for his genius to once again be appreciated. After a brief discussion it was decided that Mary would wait 5 days before flying her. I asked if Missy would be coming but Mary said that Missy would probably throw kerosine on the fire. One of her pet peeves had always been the way people let Sheldon get away with too much because he was "one of God's special little people". I was just about to head back into dinner when Penny joined me in the foyer. She walked over, then sat in my lap and gave me a long kiss. She thanked me for getting her the part time job in the stable (so much for subterfuge). I reminded her that all I got her was a chance, she was the reason the offer was made. Mrs. Latham would not keep her around if she was not good with the horses.

Penny then asked why I had left the dinner and I explained Sheldon's most recent social blunder. To my surprise she expressed concern for "poor" Sheldon. She then chastised me for not letting her know about the event.She let me know in no uncertain terms that history alone she have warned me that Sheldon was doomed to create a scene. I told her what I was going to do and suddenly I had a face full of Penny, giving me a hug that almost took my breath away. I asked why and she said the hug was for looking out for Sheldon. After another quick kiss and we went back to the dinner table. It was quite an enjoyable evening but it ended early due to jet lag for some and work schedules for others.

Penny was still pretty jazzed from her time with the horses and talked non-stop about them as she drove me home. She could not have been happier if she had just found out her favorite shoe store was having a bogo sale (her words, not mine). I heard about how many hands high the new mare, Tserena, was (I was informed that it was spelled with a Ts but was pronounced Serena). I heard that the stallion (nick named Spatz because all four of his socks were white) was favoring his right front hoof (probably a stone bruise), and the fact that Tersa (another mare) was already acting jealous of the new mare. Penny was once again in her comfort zone. The old routine of taking care of horses had a lot of good memories associated with it. I was informed that Mr. Rivera ran the stables. He was very knowledgeable about horses and was quite proud of the fact that his father, and three of his uncles, had worked on the Lippizaner horses at the training grounds in Spain. Penny was looking forward to working for him. Her job would be to feed the horses, rub them down, and halter them for training. She would be working 4 hours, 3 days a week. When I heard her work day would start at 5am I figured that would be a deal breaker. I was astounded that Penny never once mentioned 5 am as being in "the middle of the night". Once home she got me situated in the apartment, kissed me and headed for bed (early to bed, early to rise).

I have to be honest, I was glad Sheldon was already asleep when I returned. I was looking forward to a quiet night to recover from Penny's enthusiasm and prepare my self for the upcoming voyage of the rudderless SS Sheldon. I slid on my sweats and decided to sleep in the wheelchair. It had so many different adjustments it was a breeze getting comfortable. I set myself up by the picture window and was reviewing the day. I remember thinking as I was nodding off, that I should move away from the window. Hitchcock's Rear Window flashed through my mind briefly.

Then I was asleep.

 **Eggs and Fish and Panchos oh my**

Since getting terminated Sheldon had worked on discovering the perfect scrambled egg. After a day and a half, he concluded they were as good as they were going to get. Next he worked on inserting DNA from luminous jellyfish into fish, the end result to be fish night lights. After limited success he lost interest in that and setup a loom. He was weaving sarapes. This is what he was doing when his Mother arrived. When she got a look at the loom she admitted 5 days may have been too long. After the initial explanation of events (in which Mary did not side with him, reminding him why the neighbor kids used to beat him up when he told them they were stupid), Sheldon threw a minor tantrum and then locked himself in his bedroom. Mary took this all in stride. I had invited the gang over to see her and she had decided to make a meal of all of Sheldon's favorite foods, in hopes of drawing him out of his room. I likened it to putting out a salt lick to attract deer (hey I may never have been a woodsman, but you cannot watch TV without picking up some information). When Amy arrived she explained to Mary all of the events leading up to Sheldon's termination. I had let her know my opinion that Dr. Gablehauser was a decent type and would probably hire Sheldon back if he apologized. Raj and Howard both agreed, but neither could imagine a situation in which Sheldon would apologize.

During our meal we saw Sheldon "sneaking" into the kitchen to grab some of the cobbler Mary had made. We avoided eye contact on the thought that we might spook him. I lost my temper and said a few harsh things about wasting his genius and that for someone who claimed to be so much smarter than everyone else, he was making stupid choices. He bolted back to his room. Mary just shook her head and made a comment about watching some one hunt was not like going hunting. I stood corrected.

After all that ho-ha the stalemate was broken the next day when Mary ordered Sheldon to get dressed, and then took him to see Dr. Gablehauser (I had made an appointment for her). Mary made him apologize (or as close as Sheldon was going to get) and Dr. Gablehauser took Mary and Sheldon to lunch in our cafeteria. By showing that Sheldon had apologized, and that his Mother had facilitated that event, Dr. Gablehauser was able to show that he had taken Sheldon back and that he would not brook a reoccurrence. Thus he regained the respect he needed to run the department and Sheldon was made aware of his fate if it reoccurred. Once again I realized there was more to Mary Cooper than meets the eye. She had a firm grasp on what button's to push to get Sheldon to toe the line and what pressures to apply to lessen the likelihood of the behavior returning. At the end it turned out that the tempest was more bluster than blow. Net result, Sheldon learned a lesson, Mary got a vacation (Penny, Bernadette, and Amy took her for a tour of Hollywood), Amy realized what dating Sheldon was truly going to require (and she stayed), and the rest of us got a few delicious home cooked meals. I also noticed that Penny only laughed now when Missy sent me a text message. I found out later that Mary and Penny had been discussing my relationship with Missy. Mary explained that Missy loved to flirt. Since she knew I would never pursue her because she was Sheldon's sister, Missy was fine tuning her flirting skills by using me as a practice dummy. Mary was amused. Penny was pleased. Missy kept right on flirting. As for me, I enjoyed the attention and made very sure never to tell anyone I did.


	36. Chapter 36

**As always I own nothing, make no money from this and bow before the genius that is Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Steven Molaro, and all of the writers, actors and crew that bring the TBBT to life. The character, Grandma Sweetie, originated in 'The Alternate Beginning Juxtaposition' by becuzitswrong. I did not get a response on my email asking permission to use it, so I am acknowledging that I borrowed Grandma Sweetie. Special thanks to TerribleWaitress for lending Merle as the first name for Penny's mom.**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Moments**

After the sutures had been removed, and it was agreed the surgical incision was healing nicely, I received the plaster cast I would be wearing for the next 6 to 8 weeks. It was cumbersome, heavy, and just plain annoying.

However, now that I had the cast I could use crutches to get around. As long as I elevated the leg when I was sitting I should have a fairly quick recovery. There was one drawback. I had broken my right ankle. This means if I wanted to sleep on my side I would be sleeping with my back to the door. I know it should not make any difference but I was having trouble sleeping that way and sleeping on my back just made me snore louder.

Why bring this up, because in order to get to sleep I would need to prop my foot up with a pillow and then take a pain pill to get me past the whole back to the door thing. This was the ambiance that marked the first night Penny and I slept in the same bed. I do mean slept. I was dozing and heard my door open. Sheldon had taken to checking me at night because when I stopped snoring he thought I had also stopped breathing. I ignored the sound in hopes he would just leave without disturbing me. Then I felt the sheet lift up and the mattress depress as Penny slid into my bed (I could smell her green apple scented shampoo). I was about to say something when I heard the soft mewling and knew Penny was having a bad night. She slid in tight behind me and saying nothing pressed herself to my back, as if I could block what had been chasing her. She had her hand on my hip and I thought of reaching for it but then I remembered what her doctor had said about being careful not to hold or block Penny so that she might feel trapped. Instead I placed my hand next to her hand so that they were just barely touching and let her get comfortable. The crying subsided and her breathing was becoming regular, till at last she fell asleep. I lay there trying not to disturb her and realized that while my intellect knew that we needed to progress slowly, her scent and the heat from her body had kicked my libido into overdrive. My body was very aware that she was near and so sleep eluded me. I was in the process of mentally conducting my third experiment when I finally drifted off to sleep.

When I woke the next morning Penny was gone, and except for the smell of green apples I might have believed it all a dream. This same event would reoccur almost every night. I noticed that the crying was becoming a rare occurrence. We would never talk about it and as far as I know, no one else knew about it. I was so proud of myself for showing such self constraint that I failed to notice that I no longer needed to take the pain pills at night and my own visit by the night mare** had stopped as well. Suddenly this was no longer me taking care of her, it was us creating a haven from our own personal demons. It was by no means a normal relationship. It was comfortable so we kept doing it. Welcome to Penny and Leonard dating, sort of.

 **Flotsam**

I was stuck. I will not bore you with the details but one of the University's major donors had requested my groups assistance and the University had agreed.

We were to find a "fix" on what was basically a work flow problem. I tried to explain to them that I was a physicist but they had heard about the work we had done for Mrs. Latham's company and wanted us to review their workflow to better determine the choke points in one of the manufacturing plants. I had sent some interested undergrads out to study the plant. They had reviewed the company's internal reports about the issue and the plant engineers detailed workflow diagrams and found nothing obvious. They interviewed the people working the line and they were genuinely surprised that production had decreased after getting rid of the "ear sore" sorting machine they had been working with for years. Here is a loose chain of events. In 2005 the company had needed to increase production in a particular plant (I signed a non-disclosure act so I can only give you rough details). They did not need a large enough increase to necessitate building a new plant so it was decided to upgrade some of the equipment in the existing line to cover the needed gains. After a thorough review it was decided increased production rates were possible if they replaced the sorter they had been using for the last 30 years. The new sorter was capable of handling the increased volume and, if needed could be added to easily if another production increase was needed. In late 2006 the `new sorter went on-line and an additional conveyer line was added just to support the small orders, freeing up the main conveyor to handle their regular orders. The switch over had gone well. No workers were displaced and all of them had an easy time learning how to handle the new sorter. I read the detailed report and the sort process had indeed increased the number of items handled. Problem was the end results showed a noticeable decrease in cases shipped in a day. I had been supplied with dvd's of video's created before and after the change showing the entire production plan right down to the trucks pulling out of the loading area. I watched them repeatedly and could not find a reason. We viewed the studies done at multiple places on the conveyor line and found that there was not one particular place were the pace was being hindered. Instead it seemed to be tiny decreases across a number of different conveyors, side loaders, labeling, packaging, and even the shipping stage. It made no sense.

I would not normally even record these everyday events except for this, how the problem was identified. Penny had been driving Sheldon and I to and from the University most mornings so it was not unusual for me to wake in the morning to the sounds of Penny and Sheldon talking in the kitchen. This particular morning I also heard the sounds from the old production line video and it appeared Penny and Sheldon were talking about it. This was odd as neither had expressed any interest in my "little hobby" (Sheldon's description of any of my boring projects). By the time I got dressed and hobbled out to the kitchen the talking had stopped and they were looking at me with that cat caught the canary look. Penny was almost dancing with uncontrolled excitement when Sheldon, looking condescending as ever, announced that he and Penny had solved the mystery and wanted to know what it was worth for them share to their find. Penny seemed perturbed by this and in typical Sheldon fashion was quashed by a "people do not appreciate something unless they pay for it" speech. Anyway he signaled Penny to go ahead and she led me over to the big screen video monitor.

Sheldon's laptop was connected to it and the videos of the old and new production lines were running side by side. The videos had been slightly edited so that they were in synch. The audio for the new line had been removed and the audio for the old line had been heavily filtered. Smiling from ear to ear Penny proceeded to advance the video pointing out items she had noticed. Then I caught what she and Sheldon had discovered. The old line sorter was loud but rhythmic. As a matter of fact Penny had noticed that some of the movements by line workers were almost in synch with the sounds the old sorter made. While trying to figure out how that would affect production she had noticed something off the side of the screen. When the sorter made a particularly harsh sound, one of the workers further down the line depressed a brake that slightly slowed the line. When this happened one of the other workers whose job was to watch for jams on the conveyors seemed to automatically turn toward a particular line and pull one of the items from it. This gap would cause the stacking machine to pause while the gap passed, before it pulled the required number of items together so that they could be boxed. Once the boxed item was pushed onto the conveyor belt there would be a small space on the line that worker controlling the stacker would adjust for so that the palate of boxes was paused to remove the gap, thus preventing the palates from mis-aligning when they were transferred to the container, which would have to manually be adjusted by the dock workers. Why this had been missed was obvious. Most people would have watched this without audio and so missed the clues. The workers on the line would not realize it because it was an almost pavlovian response to the sounds the old sorter made. The new sorter was very quiet. I watched a sped up video of the line after the sorter was replaced and saw what was happening. Without the rhythmic sounds of the old sorter, peoples reaction seemed to be slightly less efficient. Without the screech from the old sorter the workers were not signaled that there was a problem with the space between the products, so no one would slow the line down, then remove one object, forcing the line to pause while the stacker corrected the line , which centered the product so that the stacker would pick up right number of items, the boxing machine would not slightly misalign the box on the conveyor when it added the missing product to the case, which means the palates would be centered , which meant the workers on the dock did not have to manually move the palate to make sure it fit in the container, so that there was then no delay in loading the container to the next truck, and getting them out of the way for the next truck, which kept them from having a parking lot of bored truckers waiting to load or offload. It was like a huge game of dominoes (which is why it probably appealed to Sheldon when Penny presented her find to him for confirmation). To top it off there were already settings on the current machinery that could be adjusted to prevent these issues but they were not used because they seemed to slow down the line when the old sorter was still in place. I had asked Penny what had made her think of comparing the two videos and her reply was pretty straight forward. In every job she had ever had when someone left, small jobs that no one really thought of suddenly stopped getting done because no one thought to do them. Basically she had started looking for someone who had left the production line and worked her way from there. As for the sounds from the old sorter she had remembered something her grandmother Sweetie had told her about repairing fishing nets when she was Penny's age and that everyone sang sea shanty's. The song helped synchronize groups of people doing a repetitive job that required teamwork. I had a quick image of the workers in that plant singing "Blow the man down" while dressed as pirates, but I digress.

I called the plant's engineer and let him know what we had found and I could mentally hear him giving himself a head-slap when he heard the solution. Net result, company "X" was pleased because they had their solution quickly and it was going to cost next to nothing to implement it. They gave my team a bonus and made a decent donation to the Physics department. The University was pleased because a major donor was pleased. Dr. Gablehauser was pleased because he could purchase a Helium-Neon Laser as well as upgrade the lab's TOF Mass Spectrometer. Sheldon was pleased because Leonard had promised to read the roommate agreement. Penny was extremely pleased because Leonard had given her half of his bonus and that meant she could throw her annual halloween party (and still have money leftover for a new pair of riding boots). I was just glad to be able to return to my own experiments and now I had a chance to try out the Han Solo costume I had acquired. Life was good.

 _** while I have read Piers Anthony's Night Mare, I did not borrow this from him. The Night Mare visited me long before 1981. I do admit that I much prefer Anthony's version to the one I grew up with._


End file.
